Thursday, November 15, 2007

Thursday Morning Hodgepodge

NOTE: The 'podge is back, this time on a Thursday, and this time, it's personal. Or as personal as these things ever get, I guess.

So, I fell asleep watching Kitchen Nightmares last night and, thus, I had long, stressful dreams about waiting tables while Gordon Ramsey shouted at me. In other words, it was the hottest night of dreams I've had since I got my "Collected Works of Shannon Tweed" box set for Christmas. Oh, but seriously... yeah, all last night, in my mind, I was taking people's orders and refilling drinks, and lifting trays piled high with food over my head, and being shouted at by an angry, red-faced Scotsman. Consequently, I'm awful sleepy right now. Pity me. Or bring me wicker baskets overflowing with Red Bull.

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Do people really watch that Tyler Perry’s House of Payne show? Because, judging by the commercials, it's at least as offensive to black people as that bounty hunter guy who got his TV show taken away from him for dropping the N-word (which was shocking because, as everyone knows, bounty hunters are expected to uphold the highest standards of class and morality while they're punching in a deadbeat dad's teeth). Parenthetically, since when do bounty hunters have TV shows? Wasn't everything that needed to be said on the subject of televised criminal apprehension already eloquently spoken on COPS? I just don't get our cultural landscape sometimes. Oh, but anyway, that House of Payne show looks just god-awful.

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My girlfriend is making fish for dinner and I'm excited about that fact in exactly the same way that I used to get excited about going to a party on a Saturday night where I knew I was going to drink tons, see old friends, and wake up on a well-manicured lawn on the opposite side of town wearing someone else's close and inexplicably holding a trophy for 2ND place in a breakdancing contest. Girlfriend's fish cooking skills are that good.

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Matt Damon is, according to People Magazine, the Sexiest Man Alive. Whatever. I mean, he's a good-looking dude, no doubt, and he certainly kicked a lot of people in a pleasing manner during the run of those Bourne films, but... Sexiest Man Alive? That seems like a pretty broad statement when you consider the sheer amount of attractive dock workers, firemen, cowboys, rock musicians, chefs, and bloggers (ahem...) out there. Surely there's at least one other person currently living who's sexier than Matt Damon. What I'm trying to say is that I'd really like to get a look at People Magazine's research into this seemingly definite conclusion; I just can't imagine that they were particularly thorough.

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Farts are hilarious!!! (Sorry, I've got a quota to meet)

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I found on YouTube this old clip of a young Elton John singing "Burn Down The Mission" on some BBC program:



Um... question... Are we sure that Ben Folds and the 70's-era Elton John aren't the same person? Because I'm not convinced. I think that Ben Folds might have perfected time travel and is now currently performing under the name Elton John in the 70's, and under his own name in the here and now. The key to unravelling this dimensional mystery is Bernie Taupin, but he won't return my calls. What is he hiding?

8 Comments:

Blogger Sally Tomato said...

Oh man - Clinton, you are RIGHT ON about Ben/Elton. Never drew that conclusion before but they really do look/sound alike. Hee hee!

11:16 AM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

I don't think Matt Damon should even make top 5! It's not that he's not sexy, but... I personally know people sexier than him (cough cough, Clinton, cough), let alone sexy celebrities (cough cough, C-dog, cough).

11:26 AM  
Blogger blythe said...

a few things:
1) i watched kitchen nightmare last night for a minute. i almost threw up when he stirred the pile of "shepherd's pie" "filling" - ew! i like greasy, but good god.

2) farts ARE funny. twice. which makes them the best.

3. to you and ST, yes! once, you know, i bumped shoulders with ben folds in newport, RI. i wanted to run after him, but i was of course paralyzed. i've never met elton.

d - matt damon is sexy, i guess. maybe zach efron's too young?

1.3: i forgot.

11:52 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Tomato... Weird, right? I really used to dig Ben Folds, but I've kind of cooled on him recently. His last album did absolutely nothing for me. Though I still think that Ben Folds Live, is one of the better live albums ever.

Brooklyn... Whomever could you be talking about (I'M SO HOT, IT'S RIDICULOUS!!!)?

Blythe... That shepard's pie was a one-way ticket to Diarrheatown. Also, I wanted to smack that chef guy.

12:05 PM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

Re: Ben Folds Live - "I'm... gonna rock this bitch. Tell you what, I'm gonna rock this bitch. I'm gonna rock it, like no bitch has ever been rocked before...."

Classic.

1:12 PM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

Also, further proof for your BF/EJ comparison. :D

1:14 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

See! SEE!!! What's got two thumbs and is always right? *This guy*

1:50 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

if you think farts are funny, hoooo boy do i have a show for you! kenny vs spenny on comedy central sunday nights? they showed one after south park the other night where the two guys had a farting contest for the entire show. the bf said he'd never seen me laugh so hard at a tv show. i can't believe i just recommended that in a public forum.

12:44 PM  

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