Monday, October 15, 2007

Fashion Designers Are Batshit Crazy

NOTE: Please keep in mind that I have absolutely zero concept of how, exactly, fashion works. Remember, I'm the guy who thinks he's looking sharp if the holes in his shirt aren't showing "too much nipple." That being said, people, we've got to check the meds of our nation's fashion designers because, seems to me, there's some seriously sick minds with access to needles, fabric, and very thin, very sad-looking women. To wit...

Example #1

I get, I guess, how a nice ruffle or two can accent a well-made dress. Hell, look what they did for potato chips. But, as with most things, there's a point of diminishing returns; the more ruffles you add, the less like an attractive outfit your garment begins to look. In fact, it begins to look very much like a giant wad of whipped cream that has gained sentience and decided to attack a wan, German woman. Also, the wan, German woman appears to have been pummeled in the face by Sugar Shane Mosley, or some other boxer who is also nicknamed "Sugar," though that's hardly the designer's fault. Really more of a security issue.

Example #2

Eh... huh... swarms of things are hot right now, I guess? Unless I've totally missed my mark and this is actually the last known photograph of a careless entomologist who dared to disturb a nest of the fearsome, flesh-eating Butterflies Of Bloody Doom That Are, Now That I've Gotten A Good Look At Them, Quite A Lovely Shade Of Red. What, I didn't name them. Talk to Ms. Entomologist up there. Oh wait, you can't, the butterflies ate her head.

Example #3

Running out of ideas for accessories, eh, fashion industry? Or did this whatever-it-is just kick it's way out of Elton John's brain? Either way, I think it's safe to say that should Pepto-Bismal ever find it's self in the market for a freaky, disembodied head-thing with a penchant for violas to be their company's spokesperson... well, we know just the lady-ish, thing-creature they can call.

Example #4

Ma'am... MA'AM... Excuse me, but you stepped in the 60's!!! Would you like a tissue to get all the free love and drugs off of your foot? No? You're fine looking like the Haight-Ashbury district from the ankle down? Okay, well... carry on, then. Uh, peace?

Example #5

ACK!!! What... wh... okay, since when have the Cenobites been allowed to travel through the ruptures of time and space so they can model in London? And exactly which designer has access to the Lament Configuration? And who, I ask you, is going to get these Hellraiser references??? WHO???

Look... I can't go on...

I'm sorry, but all of these Clive Barker beings and killer butterflies and sentient whipped cream blobs are seriously freaking me out. ZFS!-kateers, please feel free to research this "batshit crazy fashion designers" case further and at your own leisure. I'll be hiding under the covers with a flashlight, a copy of Vogue magazine, and a gun.


Anonymous Giggleloop said...

Yay for Hellraiser references! :) I have a Lament Configuration model thing that my hubby gave me when we were dating. That's love for you. I used to keep my chewing gum inside. :)

Incidentally there was a great interview with Clive on IGN this week, you should seek it out. I think he's swell. :)

8:16 AM  
Blogger Ross said...

At least when you hide under your bed, you have a place to store your gun.

Come to think of it, can we mix these two design ideas? Freaky-ass fashion with all the convenience of a bedside gun rack?

I think I feel inspiration coming on. Thanks, ZFS!

8:38 AM  
Anonymous David said...

As long as the craziness is contained on the runway I don’t think you have anything to fear. It is when you see people actually walking on this street wearing these nightmares that we will have to worry.
On the bright side doesn’t it make you feel good to know you actually get paid to do when these designers get paid even more to think up pure crap.

9:54 AM  
Blogger stew said...

thwrost thing about==theblckhead cub e dsigne isthta if you wearit ti work,,,,y ou ca]'t see shit. still, yiu look increiblyfuckngh gashionable and whats' beetertha n tha?

9:56 AM  
Blogger stew said...

ps cna someoopne pls poke =astrawin some cofee and work it under myheadcube? thansk

9:57 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

Sometimes I feel like that one with the butterflies around the head. Those designers design what I'm feeling!

PS I'm back in NYC! Can we have a blogger nerd party tomorrow night?

10:46 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Giggleloop... Will totally check that out, and bonus points to you for catching my Hellraiser groove.

Ross... No prob! I get half your profits though. Sorry, I don't make the rules (except that I totally do; give me your money!!!).

David... Yeah, but at least at the end of the day, I can go home secure in the knowledge that I... didn't... oh hell, I don't know. You've won this round, fashion designers.

Stew... Omigod, you look amazing!!! And very, very frightening.

Colleen... I think that could be arranged. You still at the same email address?

11:39 AM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

I'm saving up those bonus points to redeem on a super sweet prize someday, it's gonna be awesome.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Alienwhere said...

I totally got the Hellraiser refs, too. And that was some scary shit (the fashion, I mean).

12:38 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

I am indeed! cokane at hotmail!

4:19 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Lament Configuration is so Fall '06.

Iron maiden's are what's hot for Spring '08.

4:56 PM  
Blogger Sharonacles said...

HAHAHAH! I can't say anything funnier than has already been said..but man that cracked me up.

2:46 PM  
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12:22 PM  

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