Wednesday, September 05, 2007

The Future Me

I travelled into the future and came back with a picture of myself in the year 2058:

A few things...
1. So glad that I lost a a lot of weight because I was really worried I was going to be a fatty my whole life. That would have been a total bummer, to go to all the trouble of going into the future and locating my self-to-be, only to find out that I haven't left the all-u-can-eat buffet in like thirty years. Let's just hope I didn't achieve my new-found slenderness through plastic surgery, though, because cheaters never win. Even futuristic cheaters.
2. Kind of sucks that my eyesight deteriorated. I mean, the glasses I picked out are pretty stylish, but... still, ya know... it would have been nice to carry my current 20/20 vision into my golden years. Eh, but what can ya do? At least I've got my health.
3. Speaking of, dude, I don't know if it was some kind of new Diet of the Future or what, but I was absolutely in the best health of my life. And it wasn't just me; everyone I met was, at minimum, healthy and athletic enough to be a stunt-double in a Jet Li movie. I did see a whole lot of people eating grapes so... dunno... maybe that's the secret. Don't hold me to that, though. Oh, also, everyone was injecting some kind of green fluid right into their eyeballs every two hours. That probably doesn't have anything to do with it, though.
4. Apparently, in the future, I speak fluent German. Who knew?
5. Otherwise, everything else was exactly the same. Despite some basic health differences, it's kind of comforting to know that nothing else really changed about me through those many years.


Anonymous Just Saying said...

Now that you know you look like a dork with that beard maybe you should make a mental note not to grow it. After all what is the point in losing all that weight if you still can't fit through the door because of your facial coiffure.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Sorry, not following you.

3:43 PM  
Blogger Braden said...

Stop eating that live squid!

(Oh, never mind ... it's only The Beard Of Wonders.)

5:30 PM  
Anonymous darling nikki said...

Could you tell the future you to dye that tea-stain mustache section to white?

5:37 PM  
Blogger stew said...

Did you see the future me? Am I fat? Have I gotten laid yet?

I'm fat, aren't I? And I don't get laid, do I?

I knew it.

6:27 PM  
Blogger Ross said...

Your future clothing is pretty dapper as well. Apparently the fashion world DOESN'T move that quickly. I guess I shouldn't have bought a new pair of slacks every four months.

8:31 AM  

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