I Also Have Some Questions About Meat Loaf

NOTE: Since we're already talking music today, I feel that now would be a fine time to finally get some answers about this fella...

Questions

-How does a guy who looks like that get famous? I mean, I know it was the 70's and everyone was on dope (as is my understanding), but still... he looked like a guy who drove a garbage truck. Hell, he looked like an actual garbage truck! I guess my point is, there's no way that someone with a Meat Loaf-esque appearance could possibly achieve stardom today, even if he had in his pocket such catchy tunes as "Paradise By The Dashboard Light" and "You Took The Words Right Out Of My Mouth."

-So, you know what I look like, right? Okay, now imagine me with my beard shaved, and with long, greasy, brown hair. Meat Loaf's doppelganger, no? I know they already did a TV movie about him, but isn't it time that they made another one starring me, C-dog? If nothing else, I've put in 27 years of method acting prep when it comes to playing the part of a sweaty fat guy. Otherwise known as, "Emmy gold."

-Would you offer your throat to the wolf with the red roses? And, if so, is it or is it not true that you say that to all the boys? Because I'd be willing to place a wager on the former.

-Who's more in need of a tarp, the front row of a Meat Loaf show or the front row of a Gallagher show? Sure there's watermelon flying everywhere at the latter, but at the former, there's got to be just buckets of rocker drippings raining down like so much stinky... er, rain, I guess.

-All in all, though, Bat Out Of Hell was a kick-ass album. That's not a question. It's a statement of fact!!!