Friday, August 31, 2007

My Cell Phone Is Haunted

NOTE: To enhance the frightening mood of this post, please pretend that I'm holding a flashlight under my chin. Oh, and pretend that the flashlight is turned on. If it was off, that would just be silly, like, "Why's he holding a darkened flashlight under his chin? What a weird guy. Handsome, though." So yes, do that, and also, pretend there's some creepy music playing. Something with lots of bass and maybe an organ. Yeah, organ's are way creepy. You should probably pretend it's not 9:15 in the morning, either.

I don't want to alarm anyone, but I'm pretty sure... no, I'm positive... that my cellular telephone is haunted. While it may not technically be displaying the creepy red text like the one in the picture (I added that for dramatic effect), it's definitely got some sort of paranormal creepy-crawly inside of it and, quite honestly, I couldn't be more terrified if you showed me a YouTube video of my Mom being chased by zombies on Halloween.

And, no Mr. Skeptical-Pants, I'm not exaggerating!!! Never doubt my sincerity when it comes to haunted technology!!!

What's happened is this:

2ND NOTE: Prepare for your bones to be chilled, yo.

On my cell phone's screen, an icon is showing up indicating that I have a new voice mail waiting to be retrieved. Nothing odd about that; happens every day, seeing as how I'm ridiculously popular and people are always calling to tell me that I'm awesome. But now, oh kids... now... when I check my mailbox... there's nothing there!!! No new voice mail, no new text message, not even a fax! And yet, the icon remains.


No? Not scared? Okay, fine. Well what if I told you that when I checked my voicemail, there, on the inbox was a bloody hook!!! Uh... the hitchhiker had been dead for years? It was Freddy Krueger?

Man, you guys are really brave. Er... will... one of you come sleep over at my house until the phone bogeyman is gone? Thanks!


Blogger Braden said...

"We've traced the call, and it's coming from inside the phone!"

10:08 AM  
Blogger lioux said...


I thought the dramatic effect red text was your phone number.


10:16 AM  
Anonymous David said...

Do you think it would be just as spooky if you were using one of those flashlights you have to shake very two seconds or the kind you have to wind up.

10:42 AM  
Blogger stew said...

omg no this happened to a guy that works with this friend of mine and when they got home they found out that campground used to be an old Indian ceremonial cemetery.

10:46 AM  
Blogger Ross said...

It would be really creepy if the sweet female voice of the voicemail service was replaced with a guy with a low, raspy voice. It would make you think twice about putting your password in there.

10:48 AM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

I don't know about creepy organ music, but right now my XM radio is playing "The Midnight Special" by CCR, which I've always found creepy, as it reminds me of the Twilight Zone movie.

"Hey... wanna see something really scary...?" *shudder*

10:48 AM  
Blogger stew said...

the midnight special.... shine you ever-lovin' light on me.

unless it cocmes from a creepy flaslight held under a guy's chin.


11:07 AM  
Blogger stew said...


11:08 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Braden... I want to see a movie that ACTUALLY has that line in it. Because it would be the scariest movie ever.

Lioux... Naw, my real phone number is 1-800-CHAPPED.

David... Yes, particularly with the wind-up one. Because winding-up is historically the spookiest of the motions.

Stew... I totally saw that friend of that guy on Sightings.

Ross... That WOULD be creepy. Creepy awesome!!!

Giggleloop... That scene in that movie gave me nightmares for YEARS. Not even kidding.
Who knew Dany Ackroyd could be scary?

Stew... Be afraid; be VERY afraid.

12:33 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

My phone does that too.

What I found out is that it appears when my text outbox/trash can are full and I need to empty it.

4:07 PM  
Blogger stew said...

my phone does that, too, and my outbox and trash can are full... of dead bodies.

5:23 PM  
Anonymous darling nikki said...

This post wouldn't be scary at all, except that I'm alone at work, my only company is the whir of the air conditioner, and it's 10:30 at night...

Oh wait, lol! This post wasn't supposed to be scary, really! What's scary is that I'm alone. On a Saturday night. And working. And I'm 23.

10:44 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Holy crap, what kind of a job do you have that makes you work on a Saturday night on a holiday weekend? Wait... are you in prison?

10:31 AM  
Anonymous David said...

Poor Nikki

11:20 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

OMG! My stereo is haunted by the ghost of smooth jazz! Aka El Boring Boringson. (The signal from the neighboring magnet high school's radio station is so strong in this area that the radio station can be heard on the phonograph function on my stereo.) It's the least threatening ghost ever.

11:59 AM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

I hope that the lights are off too. Otherwise, there's nothing creepy at all about you holding a flashlight under your chin.

It would also be extra creepy if we're around a campfire.

2:25 PM  
Blogger stew said...

Darling Nikki should have known when she took that job being a Prince song that she'd be working Saturday nights.

Also, I agree that flashlights held under chin and not really scary when done in a lit room. Also, not scary when done with a keychain flashlight, and really, really not scary when done in a sunny meadow filled with wildflowers.

9:50 PM  

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