Food Fun At The Fair

NOTE: Last weekend, Girlfriend and I went to the New York State Fair where I, to the surprise of no one, ate a lot of very unhealthy food. Naturally, we took pictures. Please ignore the horrible presence of my hair, which appears to be as greasy and unpleasant as the mound of "ribbon fries" that will be discussed further down the post. Now, to get you warmed up to the sight of me eating (which has sent stronger men than you to an early grave), let's start off with some food-related pics that don't contain images of me shoving things in my mouth...

I Have A Way With The Chicks



If Girlfriend hadn't been around, I could have totally hit that because, as you can see, I had that chick in the palm of my hand. A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! GET IT?!?!

Large Man, Large Pumpkin



This is me posing outside of the Agriculture Building. Next to me, there is a large pumpkin. [Insert your own pop-culturally relevant "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" joke here]. I would also like to point out that, despite the sign's stern warning, I touched the pumpkin. Because when I'm at the State Fair, I do what I goddamn well please.

Would Anyone Like To See A Good Use For A Lot Of Butter?



Though it may not look like it in this pictures, what you're seeing is actually a life-sized butter sculpture of a quaint barnyard scene. They used something like 800 pounds of butter to carve out this monument to wasting food and if that doesn't make you proud to be an American, I don't know what will. I'd really like to think that, when the Fair is over, they let this slowly melt in front of a large group of hungry orphans. Because fuck the hungry orphans and their need for food, that's why!

2ND NOTE: The horror of me eating begins...

Shoving Fried Dough In My Face



I know, it's rough going, but this is the worst one; best to get it out of the way early ( WARNING: looking at this picture too long will make you sterile, so be careful). It should be noted, however, that the fried dough was covered in table sugar and was absolutely delicious. The fact that my heart let out a protracted, unbroken scream after I had consumed the whole thing did nothing to diminish my enjoyment of it's tastiness.

A One-Dollar Baked Potato? Why, Yes!

This is but one of the many potato items that I had during my time at the fair. It is, however, the only potato item (as well as the only item period) that cost me but a single American dollar. It was covered in butter, sour cream, and cheese and it tasted like an excellent bargain!

A Herculean Mound Of Ribbon Fries

These were a bit of a disappointment. I mean, yes, you certainly got a lot of oddly-cut potatoes for you money and, true, that's a pretty hard thing to screw up. Still... they were just kind of meh. Only about half the mound was cooked correctly; there were a lot of undercooked ones hanging around, grossing up the joint. Really, the only thing of note was the lack of ketchup offered at the Ribbon Fries stand. In it's stead, they offered a janitorial-supply spray bottle full of what I hope to god was vinegar and not, say, toilet cleaner. It made them taste... well, exceedingly meh-ish. The lowlight, for sure.

I Am Wide-Eyed With Beer And Salt Potatoes

The third and final potato-based item on my menu, and the only one that can be called a Syracuse speciality. They're really nothing more than little potatoes that have been boiled in salt and then covered with melted butter, but there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, simple is good. Especially when you've been knocking back region-specific beers all afternoon.

Oh, I Also Drank Region-Specific Wines, Too

Raspberry wine, to be specific. It was sweet, good, and packed a wallop like I was run over by an 18-wheeler made of fermented fruit.

Somehow, This Was The Only Meat I Ate All Day

To be more specific, it was homemade "Sweet n' Spicy" beef jerky. Ridiculously good, and I said as much to the old fart behind the counter who'd sold it to me. He was immune to my niceties, sadly, and I did not score the extra free samples that I desired.

The Best Picture Ever Taken Of Me Drinking Milk

That's chocolate milk I'm swigging there, and it was only a quarter a glass. They had, no joke, a milk bar, which I'd like to think is something you can only find at a State Fair. Or in A Clockwork Orange, I guess, but this was different. Not as "droog-y."

And, In The End, We Have Dippin' Dots

Ah, froze globules of ice cream... the perfect end to a perfect buffet of foods that will eventually be responsible for my death.