Monday, September 03, 2007

Food Fun At The Fair

NOTE: Last weekend, Girlfriend and I went to the New York State Fair where I, to the surprise of no one, ate a lot of very unhealthy food. Naturally, we took pictures. Please ignore the horrible presence of my hair, which appears to be as greasy and unpleasant as the mound of "ribbon fries" that will be discussed further down the post. Now, to get you warmed up to the sight of me eating (which has sent stronger men than you to an early grave), let's start off with some food-related pics that don't contain images of me shoving things in my mouth...

I Have A Way With The Chicks

If Girlfriend hadn't been around, I could have totally hit that because, as you can see, I had that chick in the palm of my hand. A-HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! GET IT?!?!

Large Man, Large Pumpkin

This is me posing outside of the Agriculture Building. Next to me, there is a large pumpkin. [Insert your own pop-culturally relevant "It's The Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown" joke here]. I would also like to point out that, despite the sign's stern warning, I touched the pumpkin. Because when I'm at the State Fair, I do what I goddamn well please.

Would Anyone Like To See A Good Use For A Lot Of Butter?

Though it may not look like it in this pictures, what you're seeing is actually a life-sized butter sculpture of a quaint barnyard scene. They used something like 800 pounds of butter to carve out this monument to wasting food and if that doesn't make you proud to be an American, I don't know what will. I'd really like to think that, when the Fair is over, they let this slowly melt in front of a large group of hungry orphans. Because fuck the hungry orphans and their need for food, that's why!

2ND NOTE: The horror of me eating begins...

Shoving Fried Dough In My Face

I know, it's rough going, but this is the worst one; best to get it out of the way early ( WARNING: looking at this picture too long will make you sterile, so be careful). It should be noted, however, that the fried dough was covered in table sugar and was absolutely delicious. The fact that my heart let out a protracted, unbroken scream after I had consumed the whole thing did nothing to diminish my enjoyment of it's tastiness.

A One-Dollar Baked Potato? Why, Yes!

This is but one of the many potato items that I had during my time at the fair. It is, however, the only potato item (as well as the only item period) that cost me but a single American dollar. It was covered in butter, sour cream, and cheese and it tasted like an excellent bargain!
A Herculean Mound Of Ribbon Fries
These were a bit of a disappointment. I mean, yes, you certainly got a lot of oddly-cut potatoes for you money and, true, that's a pretty hard thing to screw up. Still... they were just kind of meh. Only about half the mound was cooked correctly; there were a lot of undercooked ones hanging around, grossing up the joint. Really, the only thing of note was the lack of ketchup offered at the Ribbon Fries stand. In it's stead, they offered a janitorial-supply spray bottle full of what I hope to god was vinegar and not, say, toilet cleaner. It made them taste... well, exceedingly meh-ish. The lowlight, for sure.
I Am Wide-Eyed With Beer And Salt Potatoes

The third and final potato-based item on my menu, and the only one that can be called a Syracuse speciality. They're really nothing more than little potatoes that have been boiled in salt and then covered with melted butter, but there's nothing wrong with that. Sometimes, simple is good. Especially when you've been knocking back region-specific beers all afternoon.
Oh, I Also Drank Region-Specific Wines, Too

Raspberry wine, to be specific. It was sweet, good, and packed a wallop like I was run over by an 18-wheeler made of fermented fruit.
Somehow, This Was The Only Meat I Ate All Day

To be more specific, it was homemade "Sweet n' Spicy" beef jerky. Ridiculously good, and I said as much to the old fart behind the counter who'd sold it to me. He was immune to my niceties, sadly, and I did not score the extra free samples that I desired.
The Best Picture Ever Taken Of Me Drinking Milk

That's chocolate milk I'm swigging there, and it was only a quarter a glass. They had, no joke, a milk bar, which I'd like to think is something you can only find at a State Fair. Or in A Clockwork Orange, I guess, but this was different. Not as "droog-y."
And, In The End, We Have Dippin' Dots

Ah, froze globules of ice cream... the perfect end to a perfect buffet of foods that will eventually be responsible for my death.


Anonymous Giggleloop said...

You chugging milk should be your new profile pic. :)

Also, this post made me hungry. Stupid having-to-work-12-hours-on-a-BBQ-day! :(

5:44 PM  
Blogger The [Cherry] Ride said...

You know, I was fine with all of it except for the milk. That one grossed me out.

I had a deep friend Snickers bar this weekend at the Marshall County (Indiana) Blueberry Fest. I wish I could say I hated it and would never have another...

8:24 PM  
Blogger stew said...

these are AWESOME! After seeing these, I am going to go stand on my porch and sing "God Bless America" at the top of my lungs.

However, I take exception with Dippin Dots. I do not get the point of Dippin Dot adoration. It's just ice cream that takes a lot longer to aggregate into regular ice cream than is necessary. It's the cock tease of frozen desserts. What's next, lasagna dots? Microbes of tiny lasagna goodness?

Anywhoo, got some patriotic singin' to do. Butter sculpture, this one's for you: God Bless Am-ER-i-CAAAAAA...

8:29 PM  
Blogger Dre said...

yum... fair food.

nm state fair in a few weeks... i cannot wait!
i will be eating a lot of what you had - i hope.

you could've TOTALLY hit that...had girlfriend not
been around.

8:57 PM  
Anonymous highonmoxie said...

i'm suddenly craving deep fried twinkies and cheesecake. mmm...

9:38 PM  
Anonymous J. said...

I'm sure the fried dough was delectable but how could you pass up "Ye Old Ox Roast"? Or was that ox roast jerky you were tearing into?

4:38 AM  
Blogger Ross said...

I was at the MN State Fair this week (because it's a law that we all have to go there). We also like to carve things out of butter, but we carve Dairy Princesses (a beauty pageant for farm kids).

It's good to know that state fair food is pretty universal. Although, I noticed you didn't have smelt on a stick. I scored some free from the stand.

I'll shut up now and let you get on with YOUR ideas.

8:13 AM  
Anonymous David said...

I would say that you look cute with that little chick but then you might think I was trying to pick you up again and girlfriend would give me dirty looks.

9:53 AM  
Blogger blythe said...

you do know that this post is porn to me. i needed a NSFW label on this one.

counting down to the OK state fair! fried cheese curds! that's what you were missing.

10:36 AM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

You're nuts, Stew, Dippin' Dots are fucking tasty. They're the Ice Cream of the Future, damn it!

11:02 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

I am so jealous because I've never gone to any of the upstate NY fairs. However, now I have a multitude of Louisiana festivals and fairs to attend! Just this weekend, I missed the Shrimp and Petroleum festival to my great dismay.
Also, you were in my star-studded dream last night. Mainly your role was eating lunch. Glad to see you are in reality still eating.

11:54 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Giggleloop... Naw, I don't want people to start spreading rumors. Rather them think I'm a drunk.

[Cherry] Ride... Man, I love blueberries. And deep-fried things. Next time you're going to said festival, drop a brother a line.

Stew... Oh, totally. Dippin' Dots are weird and gross. But when you've just had your insides tossed about by horrifying carnival rides (as I just had), they're the perfect "calm ya down" snack.

Dre... I know! Girlfriend's always getting in the way of my chick mackin'. Also, NM state fair... is good, yes? Seems like it would be very hot and dry.

Moxie... Talking dirty to me?

J... I know, I know; forever shamed. I totally meant to go back to the Ye Olde Ox Roast, but I forgot. I suck.

Ross... Smelt on a stick!!! For the alliteration alone, it's awesome.

David... Dude, she'd run you down in the dead of night.

Blythe... Whoops, sorry. Put your pants back on.

Colleen... That's pretty much all I do in real, non-dream life anyway, so you're dreams are very accurate.

12:32 PM  
Blogger stew said...

"smelt on a stick" kind of describes my next-door-neighbor's sex life. Boo ya.

12:43 PM  
Blogger spiegalion said...

as a former frequenter of the Great NY State Fair (I'm a Syracuse alum), you've done well, but you missed out on the ear of corn on a stick, dunked in butter (probably the remains of the previous year's sculpture) - delicious, also giant turkey leg, and the Dino BBQ stand which we never made it to cause there was always a ridiculous line and hey, you can wait in line for Dino BBQ all year round, the fair only comes once a year.

thanks for the memories, though. And next year go for the corn on a stick, you won't regret it.

2:38 PM  
Blogger Dhila B said...

I like your blog! I hope you don't mind that I borrowed your handsome ribbon fries photo for my blog here:

The blog is a project to complete my degree in Web Design. Let me know if this is an issue.

7:30 PM  

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