The Many Exciting Features of My New Temporary Dwelling
-Cable TV
-Walk-in closets
-A disconcerting amount of animal skins
-Toilet that technically works, but must be refilled after each use from a hose connected to the shower
-Hose IS the shower
-A standing lake of gasoline right outside, so I guess I'll never want for gas... does make me kind of nervous though... my landlord is made of fire...
-A comfy leather sofa that you just want to nap on, or you would if it didn't reek so strongly of a thousand unclean asses
-Paintings of old British soldiers whose eyes follow you where ever you go
-Refrigerator
-Freezer
-Time machine
-A fastidious, tidy roommate, which is awkward because I'm such a slob; hijinks, as I'm sure you can imagine, ensue
-A grand ballroom that will be just perfect for holding this year's cotillion
-The ghosts of dead hobos
-The rotting corpses of dead hobos
-A crazy hobo who likes to kill other hobos (he sleeps in the walk-in closet; thank god I'm not a hobo)
-Two hand-crafted antique wardrobes; one leads to the magical bullshit world of Narnia and the other holds all my winter clothes
-A/C
-A never ending parade of junkies looking to score some cheap skag; I try to tell them that the guy who sold them the stuff doesn't live here anymore, but junkies don't listen.
-Several suitcases full of cheap skag (GOT to figure out how to get rid of these)
-Wet bar
-Wet carpet
-Feral cats
-Cthulhu
posted by Clinton at 9:28 AM
8 Comments:
If your roommate starts to piss you off, just tell him that Fridays are Dress-as-a-Hobo Days and laugh as the killer hobo cuts him.
I think the "Time Machine" is really an old George Foreman Grill the hobos used to heat up pork and beans.
good luck with the cthulu thing. warding off an angry cult and a giant squid is just not that easy. i know. i've been there, man.
Cthulu problems? get you some narwhals! "They are the jedi of the sea, they keep cthulu from eating thee!"
Goddamnit I can't get that song out of my head!
Walk-in closets and AC?! You are living the high life, sir.
Please say it aint so about the toilet. SAY IT AINT SO!!!
What is skag and where can I get some?
Home sweet home.
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