Friday Morning Hodgepodge
Greetings, my totally pleasant and hopefully pantsless readers, from beautiful, downtown Arlington, TX! The sights! The sounds! Movie stars! Dancing girls! Slick cats with shiny hair looking for danger and the next big score!Ah... it's nice to finally be back in a REAL city again. None of this one-horse, one-mailbox, Dairy Queen-littered, small town New York nonsense for ol' C-dog. No thank you! I'm an Arlingtonian again, baby... sky's the limit, the streets are paved with gold, we can build this thing together, NOTHING'S gonna stop us now!!!
Anyway, pretending is fun.
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Hypothetical Air Travel Question:
Say there's a crazy billionaire who opens his own airline. It's amenities are comparable to JetBlue, it flies to most major metropolitan areas in the US and abroad, and... most significantly... all tickets, no matter the destination, are only $5 a piece. However, there's a catch. On every flight, at exactly the halfway point between the departure city and the destination, one passenger is ejected from the plane like a fighter pilot, sans parachute. Just, POP; shot out of the plane, leaving him or her to fall to their death. The selection of the unlucky passenger is totally random. Each plane holds about 200 people, so the odds are definitely in your favor. Keep in mind... they go just about everywhere in the world. Five bucks to Europe, five bucks to a tropical paradise, five bucks to that one place you've always wanted to go, balanced out with a 1 in 200 chance of dying a terrifying death.
Would you book a flight on this airline?
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I don't know if any of you kids have flown on Midwest Airlines before, but... not too shabby. Comfy chairs, they actually offer Dr. Pepper which I believe is a first, and their mid-flight snack? Hot, fresh-baked chocolate-chip cookies. How totally silly/awesome is that? I mean, it's a little condescending... "okay boys and girls, you've all been such GOOD little passengers... who wants a yummy cookie?!?!" But at the same time, it's like, mmmm... give me just so many cookies in my face right now, thanks! I had two flights yesterday, so I ate four chocolate-chip cookies. That's a win in my book.
I do kinda take issue with the whole "fresh-baked" thing. It's not like they have your beloved Grandmother back there slaving over a hot stove or anything. I get the feeling that "fresh baked" really just means "heated up," but... you know... whatever. Still tasty. Beats the shit out of a mylar bag containing seven peanuts and untold disappointment.
posted by Clinton at 7:25 AM
6 Comments:
NEW YORK?! Where's that?!?!!! I've never heard of that place...It sounds all rainbow-y like, where unicorns roam free.
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Hmmm. I would only book this type of flight if the randomness was based on something more like, say, mad musical chairs skillz. I'm really good at musical chairs.
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Mmmm.
My mom makes Heated-Up Chocolate-Chip cookies, right out of the bag.
Before I had kids, I would've taken that $5 flight in a heartbeat. Now that I'm flying high on motherhood (oven-cleaner fumes), it seems pretty senseless to risk orphaning my litter for a $5 flight to Tahiti. Damn kids and their giving me a reason to live.
Someone told me the other day that there's a one-in-three-million or so chance of my being in a plane crash (and even then the chances are I'd survive). I'm never flying again.
So to answer your question: $5 flights and a 1-in-200 chance of aviation death? Not on your life.
I dont understand the business model? Is the Billionaire Business man just really some kind of a sicko? How can he afford to give away $5 seats? and how would they throw you out of the plane? because if they just open the doors or what have you, the cabin pressure would suck some of the remaining 199 out, or at least make it really un-comfortable?
I LOVE Midwest. I've been flying it for years, and it is always my airline of preference. (Sad story- if you fly too early in the day, they give you a lame granola bar instead of their freakishly delicious cookies.)
I might fly that flight on the way to the vacation spot, but not on the flight home.
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