Friday, February 20, 2009

Friday Morning Hodgepodge

Our once wonderfully multi-colored apartment is now entirely asylum white. Bummer, dudes. Particularly since we had to do all the painting ourselves. Because... and I mean this, sincerely, and from the bottom of pork fat-clogged heart... OUCH. So fucking sore. Not just from the painting... though climbing up and down ladders and stretching for the ceiling and bending and lifting and doing all the other assorted tasks required in slathering goo all over a 3-bedroom railroad are certainly enough to bring on the pain... but no, we ALSO lugged roughly nine bajillion pounds of garbage down to the curb, as well as couch that was made of, by my estimation, steel, thick-pour cement, John Goodman, and the gravity from a black hole.

So yeah... my muscles and bones, etc... they think I'm a bastard. And I sort of agree with them.

Anyway, this concludes the "complain-y" portion of our Friday Morning Hodgepodge. Please be advised that I fully recognize that things could be way worse for me; I could have homeless heroin babies to deal with, I could accidentally drink Ebola, I could be the victim of a spontaneous alligator attack while taking a shower... I get it, I get it. Life ain't so bad. Still though... OUCH.

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In an effort to score a little extra cash, I'm going to be working an event Monday night for a friend of mine... waiter-y type stuff, I think, though there's the possibility of some light stripping as well (whether they want me to or not). This is all well and good... money be money, after all... but there's a small issue I'm having with the dress code and I thought, hey, maybe you fashionable, stylish people could help a brother out? I've been told to "wear anything I want, as long as it's Upscale Casual."

Huh?

How exactly does one define Upscale Casual? Because my first thought is a leisure suit and surely that's not what they mean. So what then? Top hat and khakis? A monocle and a shirt with no visible stains? Prom dress over flannel pajama pants?

I'll wear any of those things, mind you... I need the money, plus I already own several amazing prom dresses (what can I say, I like to crash awkward dances in hotel ballrooms)... I just need to know what's the right look. Eh... maybe I'll just Bedazzle the shit out of my jeans and go as the concept of "A Fun Night Out." Ah, planning outfits when you're drunk sure is... am I right?

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You've probably seen this already as I believe it's been ping-ponging all over the net this past week, but if you HAVEN'T... well then, ready yourself for a heart-hurting adventure in stomach destroying awe/terror. Kiddos, I give you...

This Is Why You're Fat

This link was sent to me a couple of weeks ago by former, fellow Oakridge Owl and future, Arlington-based drinking associate Scott H. and I literally don't think I'll ever be the same again. It's a gallery of the most extremely awesome, extremely disgusting, EXTREEEME foods you'll ever see... The Corn Dog Pizza, The McNuggettini, the Mega Double-Stuff Oreo, a bacon cheeseburger that uses Jamaican beef patties as buns... you get the picture.

Glorious stuff, for reals. If you have a weak constitution, it will all probably make you want to barf yourself into oblivion. However, if you're like me... well, it will just make you very, very hungry. Enjoy!

6 Comments:

Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

You say asylum white. I say bachelor white.

Chocolate covered bacon. Yum, in a fat American sort of way.

10:20 AM  
Blogger Lioux said...

I need a nap after reading all about your painting and garbage throwing outing.

Do you think Drive Thru liquor stores will have The McNuggettini?!?!!! I'm really hungry now, and starting to think about lunch.

Mmmm.

11:14 AM  
Anonymous ML said...

if you did not first Google "upscale casual", then I cannot help you, sir.

3:36 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

It's basically business casual.

No jeans, athletic shoes, etc.

Preferably a button down shirt or sweater and slacks/trousers.

Tie and blazer are optional.

6:11 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Oh, I guess dark jeans with dress-casual shoe is ok to according to the webs.

Ball-gowns are strictly verboten.

6:13 PM  
Blogger TFKoP said...

I don't even know what poutine is but I know I want one. Right now!

7:20 PM  

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