Wednesday, February 11, 2009
NOTE: Artwork by Lioux; used without his permission.
The Kevin Bacon - Tasty enough as far as sandwiches go, but tends to remind one of six other sandwiches featuring some of the same ingredients. Eating The Kevin Bacon makes one want to dance crazily to saxophone-heavy radio pop in a dramatically lit barn. Ironically, it features no bacon.
The Scarlett Johansson - Desired by men everywhere, though strangely unpopular with women. Despite repeated requests, The Scarlett Johansson has never been served open-faced.
The Paris Hilton - Not a sandwich; The Paris Hilton is actually just an empty, plastic plate that costs an outrageous sum of money and appears on menus only as a joke.
The Miley Cyrus - While extremely popular with the masses, actually eating The Miley Cyrus will land you in jail, even if it's creator says it's okay.
The Jay Leno - Stale white bread with ham and cheese; greatly enjoyed by old people, but mostly consumed by everyone else because it happened to take over the spot on the menu previously occupied by The Johnny Carson.
The Stephen King - This sandwich will scare the shit out of you.
The Eddie Murphy - Used to be delicious, but now tends to get served with large slices of rubbery fat that make the whole sandwich unappetizing and extremely unfunny. However, it should be noted that The Eddie Murphy is still very popular with those who have no taste whatsoever, as well as with little kids that never had The Eddie Murphy it's classic form... served raw in Beverly Hills for 48 hours after coming to America, live, on a Saturday night.
The Courtney Love - Just a bag of heroin hidden between two slices of old, dirty bread; this sandwich is actually what killed Kurt Cobain.
The Tom Cruise - For a relatively small sandwich, it sure packs in a lot of crazy flavors and unusual opinions on aliens and modern psychology. Of all the sandwiches out there, it's the one most likely to ruin your couch and kidnap a former teen star as it's pretend sandwich wife.
The Barack Obama - Everyone really hopes this sandwich tastes as good as the menu copy claims it does.