Friday, March 20, 2009

Our Kids Are In Danger, Or Whatever...

You see news stories and really concerned TV doctors bitching all the time about childhood obesity and how our kids are turning into amorphous Wall-E blobs that can barely grip their Go-gurts and then the next generation will be "The Greatest Generation," but only in the sense that great equals big fat fattypants AND YET...

And yet...

Nefarious dicks are still cranking out products to rip the activity right out of our Cheetos-breathed darling's precious little lives.

My slim, fit readers, I give you:



It's a fishing rod that you don't have to cast. No movement is required. You just pull the trigger and it... rockets... I guess... sending out the hook that will eventually end the life of an innocent carp, no effort required. So not only are they taking away the ONE THING that makes fishing somewhat sorta kinda sport-ish and skillful, they're making fishing more like shooting which sends all kinds of crazy signals to our kids about how it's okay to participate in execution-style murders and/or sniper attacks that hold the city hostage with fear!

Look, here's a budding maniac now:



That kid carries with him the stink of death. Also fish guts. Look into his eyes... chilling, no? Like staring into a Godless abyss where you can just barely make out Satan waving at the bottom, trying to get your attention all, "Ooooh... hey there... I'm Satan... this kid is FUCKED UP, y'all, for reals!!!"
Anyway, look, I don't really care about the future of our children or anything. I'm sure I'll be dead soon anyway (I like to bet on Russian Roulette) and then why should I give a shit. I'm just saying that if anyone out there is looking for a new cause to jump on now that Obama is kicking out the White House jams... you know... maybe look into getting our kids not to be such lazy little shits.
Or don't, whatever. Anyone want to split a Go-gurt?

4 Comments:

OpenID popomaticjeff.com said...

I've tried the Rocket Rod and its pretty cool. Its also sort of complicated so I don't think you need to worry about this contributing to the obesity problem with kids. Most kids are too stupid to figure it out.

12:01 PM  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Fishing with a rocket powered grappling hook? Where do I get one of these devices?

1:40 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Yah, no doubt.

It looks like there's some kind of electrical charge generator at the end where you just shock the water and all the fish float to the top.

Now that's lazy.

6:52 PM  
Blogger Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

lol. I'm scared of the demon child! He's going to lazy-execution style fish me to death!

3:40 AM  

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