Friday, September 05, 2008

8 Examples Of Pop Culture-Themed Religious Flair

NOTE: As I am a thirteen year old girl at heart, one of my favorite parts of the whole Facebook experience is the "Flair" application. If you're not a thirteen year old girl like myself, allow me to explain... See, you get to browse through a large selection of buttons (not REAL buttons... cyber-buttons) that have various pictures and slogans on them and, from their ranks, choose the ones that define your personality. It is, quite frankly, a hoot. The best ones, though, are the religious ones that attempt to appropriate aspects of pop culture to their holy cause. Some are more successful than others. Herewith, a sampling...

Luke Skywalker Jesus

Yeah, I get it, the lightsaber is a cross and he's going to use it to fight Satan, but Satan's dressed like Darth Vader except with horns. Here's my problem, though: Lightsabers don't work like that. They don't have beams that shoot out of the other beams all horizontal and crazy. I mean, MAYBE you could get sort of the same effect by having two Jedi cross their lightsabers and fight Satan as a team, but that kind of fucks up the whole one-man-fighting-evil thing the flair is working on and... also... the proportions would be all off because there's not a lightsaber out there with a beam short enough to be a convincing East/West portion of a cross. Nope, sorry, this one just doesn't work. Though, as always, bonus points for invoking The Trilogy.

Superman Jesus

Superman was always a Jesus simulacrum anyway... the whole "son sent down to save mankind" thing, ya know, although I'm not sure who Jimmy Olsen was supposed to represent. Lois Lane either, for that matter, as Jesus didn't have an on-again, off-again plucky reporter girlfriend in the Bible. Unless I seriously misinterpreted John the Baptist's roll in everything. Still though, as far as pop cultural religious references are concerned, this is about as dead-on as you're going to get.

Facebook, but Religious

Very meta, and I like that in a Charlie Kaufman sort of way.

Cubs Fan Jesus

Er, actually, it would stand to reason that Jesus is a fan of every baseball team in the major league OTHER than the Cubs, seeing as how they haven't won a World Series in a hundred years. Even the Tampa Bay Rays are getting touched by the Lord this season. The Cubs...? After a season of top-notch play, they're skidding like a drunk driver on an icy road. Jesus might very well be in the hearts and minds of all Cubs fans, but I believe the evidence suggests that the feeling isn't particularly mutual.

Wii Jesus

Blatant pandering to the kids. Shameful, particularly since Jesus strikes me as more of a board game type of guy. Like, you know, if you're partnering up for Trivial Pursuit and Jesus happens to be around... seriously, lock him down as your teammate. You guys will OWN those pieces of pie. (Jesus is psychic, as is my understanding)


This is by FAR the worst one on the page because it doesn't mean anything. It's a cutesy play on the "iPod/iPhone/iWhatever" fad, sure, but it doesn't speak to any greater themes in the pop culture landscape, nor does it make a particularly trenchant comment on religion as a whole. All it says is, essentially, "I Worship." Okay, but what does that have to do with the state of consumer electronics? Nothing, that's what.

Computer Chip Jesus

Confusing. Is it saying Jesus is inside us all, or is it saying Jesus is inside computers? Or... both, maybe? I don't know and the flair is giving us any answers. Although props to the designer for getting the drop-shadow coming off the logo just right. That shit ain't easy.

American Pie God

Um... do religious people know that this line is a direct reference to a girl sticking a flute in her pussy?


Blogger jason quinones said...

this one time at god camp....

nothing happened because abstinence is the only safe sex!

or you could have sex with a flute.

because musical instruments can't give you babies or aids or herpes.

or at least that's what the camp guide told me before he screwed me with a tuba.

i hated camp.

9:53 AM  
Blogger Becky said...

Yoda's lightsaber blade would be short enough to make your East-West cross beam, but he'd have to hover in the air next to JesusWan Kenobi all the time to get the effect right, and that would just be a pain. What a waste of the Force.

10:09 AM  
Blogger Subway Gal said...

HAHA I love Facebook flair. I haven't really paid attention to any of the religious flair, though they are pretty hilariously ridiculous, but my faves are the ones with fun sayings on them, like . . .
"When life gives you lemons you should make lemonade then find someone who's life has given them vodka and have a party.
OR, this little gem that my younger sister sent to me . .
"If you think I'm a bitch, you should see my big sister."

11:56 AM  
Anonymous Jesus Christ®™©™ said...


You're on Facebook®™©™ too?!?!!!

Friend me.

12:07 PM  
Blogger Lioux said...

I don't think those are 'buttons', Clinton.

They're NAILS!


Nails to crucify with...

12:09 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Jason... Ouch. The proud tuba is not meant for that.

Becky... Seriously, The Force has got better shit to do with it's time. Yoda as well.

Subway... I spend WAY too much time looking at flair. As evidenced by this blog post.

Jesus... TOTALLY!!!

Lioux... Them's some perky nails, then.

1:33 PM  
Blogger Heavy B said...

I like to imagine that the iWorship chick is actually shoving Jesus away. Also, that looks like a dangerous swayin' angle.

5:29 PM  
Blogger Ross said...

This crap is what makes Christians like me sigh and shake their head...or go out and collect them all so we can laugh at them with our friends!

11:15 PM  
Anonymous Ivey said...

Ah, Flair. Many an hour that was supposed to be resrved for work has been whiled away on that website, escpecially that particular application.

10:57 AM  

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