Thursday, September 04, 2008
Um. Well. Wow. Okay, so at first, when the Republicans announced that they had chosen a relatively obscure Governor of a state that... quite frankly... no one really thinks about outside of those keen on salmon fishing and frostbite, I was all, "Oh ha ha those 'tards... they've made a HUGE mistake but that's fine because it'll just get Obama in the White House that much faster and I can go back to my happy life of not caring at all about politics! Hooray! Let's drink many beers and dive headfirst into a bowl of Cheez-Its!"
Now though... after her speech at the RNC... I get it. I see why they chose her. And the decision to do so is nothing short of diabolical. Because she's TOTALLY what the Republicans need right now. She's "real." She's "just like us." She's a (gag) Hockey Mom who runs bake sales and drives herself to work and has absolutely no problem with throwing open her state to the environmental ruin that comes with mass digging for sweet, sweet oil. She's their dreamgirl, boys... she'll make them happy. AND she tells jokes! AND she's sassy! AND she all but accused Obama of being the Zodiac killer! Oh, and let's not forget... she shot a moose!! (not onstage at the RNC, which I'll admit would have been impressive, but out in the wilds of Alaska or something)
Personally, I find her terrifying. And not just because she knows how to operate a hunting rifle. No, I find her deeply, deeply scary because... and I mean no disrespect to the people of the United States... but this is EXACTLY the kind of bullshit that the people of the United States buy wholesale with a smile and cheer and a pair of blind eyes. Our President for the last eight years can heartily attest that fact, as he is a good ol' boy Washington outsider aw shucks hey let's put on a war, why not?!?!
Ugh. So... yeah... look, I hate to be all Negative Nancy this morning, but I can't help but think that we as a nation are royally fucked. This morning, across America, thousands upon thousands of easily confused, easily frightened registered voters are whispering to each other, "Hey, did you see how she stuck it to that smarty-pants brainiac nerd! She's just like MY mother... God, I love my mother... my mother loved God... yeah... oh yeah... she's got my vote!!!"
It's the end of the world, kiddos. No joke. I envy the moose.