Wednesday, October 24, 2007

Here's A Picture Of A Computer Pen

Discussion Questions
-I'm not a technophobe by any stretch of the imagination; I fully recognize the benefits of technological advancement, particularly in the area of internet porn. However, I will fully admit that there are some pieces of hardware that... well... totally freak me out. This computer pen (or "Pentop Computer," whatever) is one such product. Why? Because it stores your handwriting!!! It copies your handwriting, it puts your handwriting in files, and pretty soon, it's going to be signing your name to bank loans, handing out bad checks like they were Altoids, and giving out autographs to your young fans in an elaborate scheme to corner the market on baseball memorabilia. Granted, that last one is only true if your Derek Jeter, but you see my point. This computer pen is thinking!!! C'mon, am I the only one who thinks this is the worst thing to happen to the Man Vs. Machine relationship since Deep Blue told Gary Kasparov to go fuck himself?
-Forgetting the whole "the computer pen is an evil machine" thing for a second, let's talk about practicality: How do they expect college students (or whoever this fucking abomination is geared towards) to write with it? It's as big around as an Olive Garden bread stick, and that's not exactly conducive to taking clear, concise notes. Congratulations, overzealous electronics company, you've just made the act of copying down an algebra problem as difficult as trying to carry a couch up a flight of stairs with your one friend who's not good at taking directions and who is holding it so most of the weight is on your end. Also the couch is one of the ones that's got a bed inside, so it's extra-heavy.
-I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't inquire as to whether or not everyone thinks the Pentop Computer looks like a robot's penis. Does everyone think it looks like a robot's penis? Because I totally do.
-Regarding the ad copy in the picture... um... my favorite retailer is the Day-Old Hostess Products Store that's in the bad part of town near the check-cashing place and the gyro stand that gives everybody the squirts. Who wants to bet that they don't carry the Pentop Computer at the Day-Old Hostess Products Store? Anyone? Anyone want to take that bet? Because I'm going there later for a box of discount Twinkies, so I can totally check.
NOTE: Answers must not be submitted by a weird, computer-pen hybrid that makes C-dog uncomfortable. Please just use your keyboard like everyone else, you big nerd. The person with the most correct answers will win a fresh box of Number 2 pencils (no you won't). The person with the most incorrect answers will have to touch the robot penis. And let me tell ya, the robot's not been touched there in a looooong time. He's robo-horny.


Anonymous David said...

Does it come with an attachment so you can wear it on your finger all day long like those dorks with the Bluetooth headsets with those goddamned blinking blue lights. You know this country is going down the shit hole when you see hobos wearing them in their ears.

10:43 AM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

What happens when you turn the robot penis on?

11:38 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

David... One can only assume that it does.

Brooklyn... Horrible, horrible, mechanical things.

11:55 AM  
Blogger NYCPonderings Chick said...

I am writing this response using a robot's penis

2:52 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

It just so happens that I have one of these pens on my desk right now. According to the package, its "The ultimate high-speed homework system."

3:01 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

NYCponds... Make sure you wash your hands after you're done.

Jeff... Seriously? How is it? Is it terrible, like I think it is, or is better? Is it doing your homework for you?

3:03 PM  
Anonymous Just Asking said...

Do Robots have sex DReams and if so how do you tell?

3:23 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Can't say, though I do know that androids dream of electric sheep. Some Dick told me that.

3:27 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Clinton, as soon as the pen figures out how to get itself out of the box and into my hand, I'll let you know how it is.

3:55 PM  
Blogger Colleen said...

I share your discomfort. This is like that joke by comedian Mike Birbiglia about how they put technology in things that don't need it, such as apples you can take pictures with.

10:45 AM  
Blogger N8 said...

I hear Ridely Scott used the prototype to write the sex scene in Blade Runner. (It got cut, but it's allegedly the reason Harrison Ford banished Rutger Hauer from American cinema forever.) But you wanna see a REAL technological abomination? Check out the minions of the coming Barakolypse: Introducing BIG DOG: Robot Police are coming for YOU!

2:47 AM  

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