Tuesday, October 23, 2007

My iPod Wants Me To Feel Sorrow

I know that this is probably just the Sudafed talking, but I'm pretty sure my iPod wants me to have a terrible, horrible, no-good, very bad day. Why? Well let's go down the list of songs that it's shuffle feature spit out during my commute to work this morning for the answer...

NOTE: I am not kidding, I heard all of these songs back-to-back.

"Keep Me In Your Heart For Awhile" by Warren Zevon - This is one that Zevon wrote for his last album about his own impending death. It's a great song, but it's one that shouldn't be listened to near sharp knives or high-up, open windows, particularly if you've ever lost anyone close to you.

"(Don't Go Back To) Rockville" by R.E.M. - An 80's college radio staple about a girl going back home, leaving her boyfriend behind. It's fairly peppy, tune-wise, but the lyrics are pretty much a prescription for Zoloft and a dark room with a good corner for crying.

"Citrus" by The Hold Steady - Okay, I don't technically know what this song's about, but it's downbeat and contemplative (that's a word, right?) and it talks about liquor and barrooms and Judas and other things that are generally found within the same ballpark as depression.

"Martha" by Tom Waits - A classic, "sad old bastard" song from the master of "sad old bastard" music. Lost love, regret, etc. You know you're in trouble when you realize that the protagonist is an old man; never a good sign.

"Dirty Old Town" covered by The Mountain Goats - It's not a happy song to begin with but when The Mountain Goats get done with it, it's basically a bleak landscape populated by a people that have no word in their language for "joy."

"Evaporated" by Ben Folds Five - Oh for fucks sake. At this point, I was almost positive that my iPod had an agenda that ended with my suicide.

"For No One" by The Beatles - Really? Really???

"Whiskey Lullaby" by Brad Paisley - Fuck you, iPod. Seriously. When this song came on, I immediately flipped the off switch, removed my headphones, and placed the whole thing back in my bag. I then tried to focus on happy thoughts, like baseball games in April and unlimited draft beers all night and boobies that are naked just for me.

Thinking about these things helped a little bit (particularly the last one), but still... a barrage of sad music like this, coupled with the fact that I still sort of feel like hot death... I don't know man... I just don't know.

Maybe I'll just keep thinking about boobies until the dark clouds clear up. Seems like the best course of action, doesn't it?


Blogger i like cheese said...

I refuse to put my ipod on at all because I am convinced that the same thing will happen to me.

Today is a horrible, no good, very bad day.

Unfortch, I don't think boobies are going to make it better. Not for me, anyway.

11:27 AM  
Anonymous Chris w said...

Nobody ever really knows what The Hold Steady are singing about except I know they usually involve some down-on-their-luck character at a party where they are getting high, getting drunk, or both.

11:32 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Cheese... I'm sorry you're having a bad day, yo. My suggestion (for everything) would be to drink heavily as soon as you're away from work and thus unable to get fired.

Chris... Glad it's not just me that's unaware of what's going on. Still, though, great band.

11:46 AM  
Anonymous Just Saying said...

I think you should start a campaign to brighten up the world or at least NYC “Think boobies” and guess what unbelievably thinkboobies.com is available.

12:40 PM  
Blogger Ross said...

The "shuffle" feature on any playing device is controlled by the devil. The devil makes you want to cry and hurt yourself. Blame the devil.

12:51 PM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

I'm just glad you finally made your profile pic that lovely shot of you drinking milk, haha. :)

12:58 PM  
Anonymous stew said...

I was feeling so awesome today because it's SUCH a pretty day and I got a big check and I feel so good! And then I read this playlist and realized we are all doomed and life sucks and now I am going to go off someplace and just die.

1:56 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

"Think Boobies" sounds like a rip-off of the movie "Oh, God! Book II".

It worked in that movie, so I say go for it. I'll help with the glitter posters and the graffiti!

2:01 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Just Sayin... It won't be available for long. Not if *I* have anything to do with it.

Ross... I always knew the Devil had it out for me.

Giggleloop... It was time.

Stew... Er... sorry, Stew!!! Although misery does love company, so, you know, welcome to my world.

Todd... Excellent. Do you want to play the George Burns part, or the John Denver part?

3:12 PM  
Blogger blythe said...

that is sad. at least no nick cave was played. that might have killed you. or janis ian. rip c-dog.

3:39 PM  

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