Monday, September 10, 2007

Britney Spears's Career: Dead

It seems that, since I leaked the story last Friday, Britney Spears abandoned her plans for the greatest VMA performance ever and went an entirely different route:

Seriously, it was like watching a a fat stripper work the tail-end of a double shift at The Tit Barn. No, it was like watching a sad fifteen-year-old dressed up in Big Sis's clothes trying to wrap her mind around the concept of "lip-syncing." Or, no, it was like watching a pathetic husk of a former pop-star trying to recapture her former glory, except it wasn't so much "trying" as it was "trying to move while doped up on enough pills and booze to knock down 'Refrigerator' Perry."

Oh, sorry, it wasn't like that... it was that.

All in all, it was the worst reason ever to switch over from the Cowboys game and I regret that decision wholeheartedly. For shame, me... for shame. I should have known better.


Anonymous David said...

Do you think people watched to see the train wreck live so that years down the road they could tell their grandchildren they saw it live.

9:51 AM  
Blogger Benjamin Kabak said...

I wouldn't at all call Britney fat. She looks healthy. But that's a terrible outfit and her performance, like the respective defenses of the Giants and Cowboys, was horrendous.

10:08 AM  
Blogger Midwesterner in NYC said...

yeah, I saw it this morning. I mean was this really a surprise? Makes me feel the money I forked over for Springsteen tickets this morning was well worth it.

10:19 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

David... Yes, yes they did.

Kabak... No, she wasn't fat like I, myself, am fat. It's just disconcerting to see a pop-star jiggle as much as she did during a fairly unstrenuous dance routine. Also, Go Cowboys!!! ROMO!!!

Midwesterner... I was more surprised at how boring it was. Just completely uninteresting. Also, so jealous of you and your Springsteen tickets, it's like I have to pee.

10:23 AM  
Blogger Benjamin Kabak said...

Clinton... Calling that a dance routine is mighty generous. She sort of moved around on stage while attempting, poorly, to lip sync.

Midwestern... I failed in my efforts to get Bruce tix. Where are you sitting?

10:40 AM  
Blogger Cray said...

I'm sending her the bill for a new TV. It threw itself out the window to save my life during the opening minutes of that show.

Mr.Sony, you will be sorely missed.

11:00 AM  
Blogger Sally Tomato said...

Her performance is what I look like whenever I have enough hubris to take a dance class. Lots of blank stares, counting under my breath to keep in time with the other dancers, and general bewilderment. Also, absolutely NO RHYTHM.

11:08 AM  
Anonymous Just Saying said...

What the hell is she smelling her pits for does she have some kind of crack deodorant on or something.

11:11 AM  
Blogger stew said...

I missed it. I arranged my entire evening to sit in front of the tv and catch this little bit of history and at 8:03 I was like "oh! it's on!" and I turned away from the highly interesting episode of Blue Planet where the coral was like eating for a whole hour or something and Sarah Silverman was clomping across the stage and then she made Britney jokes and you could see -- though not hear -- people boo and then it was all done. Me sad.

11:38 AM  
Blogger NYCPonderings Chick said...

she looked bored the whole time, like 'britney reading a book' kinda bored

12:00 PM  
Blogger blythe said...

i'd like to post something witty, but i'm just saddened. i think i'll just put some furry things in my pigtals, crank up baby one more time and mourn our collective youth.

2:16 PM  
Anonymous Just Askin said...

When did she get that new tatoo?

2:39 PM  

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