Thursday, August 16, 2007

Movie Poster A Go-Go

3:10 To Yuma



I actually really like this poster. It's simple, elegant, and classy... just like me, but with more of an emphasis on gunslinging skills. Which is not to say that I don't have gunslinging skills. I do. Mad ones. It's just that I don't like to brag about my talents in the deadly arts. But since you asked, I'm also a master of the bullwhip, the samurai sword, and I know 48 ways to kill a 300-linebacker with nothing more than a bag of Stacy's Parmesan & Garlic Pita Chips and a desktop calender.

Pathology



And here we have yet another in a series of posters that feature random objects, Polaroids in this case, that come together to form the ooky-spooky image of a terrifying skull. Please. That trick wasn't all that scary the first time they used it (I think it was on the poster for The Babysitters Club Movie), so at this point, it's become the advertising equivalent of shoving people's hands in a bowl of cold spaghetti and saying, "it's brains... BRAAAAINS!!!"

Dan In Real Life



Fuck you, Hollywood, for what you've done to Steve Carrell. Seriously... if I see your ass in a bar, you're getting a bottle of Budweiser upside your head so fast, you'll think you were caught in a nuclear explosion. Heed my words, Tinseltown... La Cienega Boulevard will run red with your hateful, career-destroying blood. Oh, and in case you can't tell, he's resting his head on a stack of pancakes. That means the movie is going to be "wacky."

Self-Medicated



I don't care how many fancypants awards you've won, Self-Medicated. Your poster is an obvious visual metaphor and it makes me want to force you to grade Junior English term papers for the rest of your life. Get used to the feel of a red pen between your fingers, because that's all you're going to know for a long, long time.

Hitman



Ew. I know I shouldn't care, seeing as how this is a movie adaptation of a video game and, thus, is about as likely to suck as a broke Las Vegas cocktail waitress with a serious coke habit... still, though... this poster is such a mess, it's like staring into the sun. You can't stop, even as you feel your corneas bubble up like egg whites in a skillet.

King Of California



Anyone else have a strong suspicion that Michael Douglas didn't even know he was being photographed. Like, he'd just rolled off of a crying Cathrine Zeta-Jones, and, as he stumbled into the kitchen to drink orange soda straight from the bottle and maybe make a fried ham sandwich... BAM... a photographer jumped out, took his picture, and slapped it on a poster for a movie that only twelve people will ever see (and of the twelve, seven will have the surname "Douglas").

10 Comments:

Anonymous highonmoxie said...

i want to know what evan rachel wood is looking at. she's not looking at douglas, for sure...or IS she? she SOOORT of has a look on her face that one could only assume means, "grandpa? is that you? it is!?? great! let me go dump daddy marilyn for you, and we'll make a movie of us having "fake" sex and call it art and get lots of press and money for it!"

11:08 AM  
Anonymous David said...

I think the picture of Michael Douglas is actually a mugshot taken at the same time as Nick Nolte's (drinking buddies). Since Mike gets to fuck the Zeta chick they weren't going to dare to put his ugly looking mug all over the place as the suicide rates would be likely to skyrocket as depressed men asked WHY him God why him, why not me.
Go ahead and google Nick Nolte that mugshot is at the top of the page, yikes.

11:10 AM  
Blogger stew said...

ok, thanks a ton for the skull poster. I see it on my closed eyelids. I am going to lie under my bed scream-crying for the next 68 months. If anyone needs me, that's where I'll be. Thanks.

11:23 AM  
Blogger stew said...

ps omg his head is on pancakes!!!! Roflmao, lol, rofl!!! PANCAKES!!! THAT IS SO FUNNY! It made me get out from under my bed where I was screaming in terror from skullhead. Pancakes and syrup and omg omg hahahahaha that is so wacky! That guy is a NUT!!!!!!

11:24 AM  
Anonymous Scott H. said...

The Steve Carrell movie actually has a pretty good cast: Carrell, Emily Blunt, John Mahoney, Juliette Binoche.... oh fuck... GOD DAMN YOU DANE COOK!!!!

Nevermind... it's shit.

12:05 PM  
Blogger lioux said...

I think french toast or eggs benedict would have been MUCH more wacky than pancakes.

12:18 PM  
Anonymous catherine zeta-jones®™©™ said...

I took that photograph myself.

12:22 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

I think they all look like crap and I don't plan to see any of these movies.

12:23 PM  
Blogger stew said...

...pancakes, hahahaha....

12:44 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

The poster for "Dan In Life" did its job; I want pancakes.

2:21 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home