Our Newest Mascot
Quite frankly, Zombie Cat hasn't done shit in his role as the official ZFS! mascot. Maybe it was my fault for picking A) a cat, and B) a cat that was an admitted zombie, but... still... I really think he could have done more blog-promoting and less trying-to-eat-my-brain-all-the-time. Even a twenty percent reduction in the trying-to-eat-my-brain-all-the-time would have freed up some of his schedule for promotional appearances at bars, liquor stores, and moonshine distilleries out in the swamplands (I know my audience).
Anyway, my point is, Zombie Cat's out. Fortunately, I've managed to find a new mascot that I think really exemplifies what we (and by "we," I of course mean "me") are all about here at ZFS!. Namely, weeping WB teen idols. So, without further adieu, I give you:
On behalf of ZFS!, and in an effort to promote the blog, The Crying Dawson is available for...
-Parties
-Funerals
-Weddings
-Wedding/Funerals
-Weddings That Turn Into Parties That Result In Funerals
-Bar Mitzvahs
-Bat Mitzvahs
-Bob Mitzvahs
-Casino Nights
-Lingerie Fashion Shows
-Chili Cook-Offs
-Arm-Wrestling Semi-Finals
-Back Alley Brawls
-Tawdry Sexual Encounters At Cheap Motels Under The Alias "The Crying Pacey"
-And Any Other Events, Legal Or Otherwise, That You Can Think Of! Ask About Our Low Rates And Lower Standards!!!
Offer not valid in Mississippi, because fuck those guys. No coupons. May God help you if you bring a coupon in the ZFS! offices. The Crying Dawson is a recovering heroin addict and WILL attempt to steal from you; please lock up all valuables before The Crying Dawson arrives. Also, it's best if The Crying Dawson is not around children, pets, or anything else he can pin down and... um... "have his way with." The Crying Dawson will most likely reek of cheap booze and sin upon arrival at any scheduled appearances; we will provide the equipment to hose him off beforehand. The Crying Dawson is a registered trademark and a practicing hedonist. The Crying Dawson will love you tenderly, but break your heart in the morning. The Crying Dawson is the way and the light. Forever and ever, amen.
Anyway, my point is, Zombie Cat's out. Fortunately, I've managed to find a new mascot that I think really exemplifies what we (and by "we," I of course mean "me") are all about here at ZFS!. Namely, weeping WB teen idols. So, without further adieu, I give you:
On behalf of ZFS!, and in an effort to promote the blog, The Crying Dawson is available for...
-Parties
-Funerals
-Weddings
-Wedding/Funerals
-Weddings That Turn Into Parties That Result In Funerals
-Bar Mitzvahs
-Bat Mitzvahs
-Bob Mitzvahs
-Casino Nights
-Lingerie Fashion Shows
-Chili Cook-Offs
-Arm-Wrestling Semi-Finals
-Back Alley Brawls
-Tawdry Sexual Encounters At Cheap Motels Under The Alias "The Crying Pacey"
-And Any Other Events, Legal Or Otherwise, That You Can Think Of! Ask About Our Low Rates And Lower Standards!!!
Offer not valid in Mississippi, because fuck those guys. No coupons. May God help you if you bring a coupon in the ZFS! offices. The Crying Dawson is a recovering heroin addict and WILL attempt to steal from you; please lock up all valuables before The Crying Dawson arrives. Also, it's best if The Crying Dawson is not around children, pets, or anything else he can pin down and... um... "have his way with." The Crying Dawson will most likely reek of cheap booze and sin upon arrival at any scheduled appearances; we will provide the equipment to hose him off beforehand. The Crying Dawson is a registered trademark and a practicing hedonist. The Crying Dawson will love you tenderly, but break your heart in the morning. The Crying Dawson is the way and the light. Forever and ever, amen.
posted by Clinton at 2:03 PM
9 Comments:
Thanks, ZFS! I can't wait to book Crying Dawson for my next Bob Mitzvah! Does he do Bart Mitzvahs too?
Hey, totes having this at the office picnic. Does it come with its own Rogaine or will I need to provide that?
Brooklyn... The Crying Dawson DOES NOT do Bart Mitzvahs and longer. All I'm legally allowed to say is that there was "an incident." It's best if you ask no further questions.
Stewpid... The Crying Dawson will sell any Rogaine you give him for drugs.
i've heard around town that if you ask really nicely and offer sex, drugs and booze, the crying dawson will provide routine assassination services under the alias 'the killing dawson'.
is this true?
What if I WANT the Crying Dawson to pin down and have his way with a pet?
Is that allowed?
Moxie... No comment.
Jeff... Hey, it's your money. If that's what you want, then that's the service The Crying Dawson will provide. Hell, he'll probably do it for free.
Do not taunt The Crying Dawson.
I think this shot was taken when the crying Dawson saw Joey's new haircut.
clinton - please don't confuse the crying dawson with the flying dawson. you've heard of the cincinnati bowtie, no? it's kinda like that. not that i know or anything.
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