Monday, May 11, 2009

What's a Girl Like You Doing In a Place Like This?

-Noisy bars help drown out the voices... the horrible, horrible voices.

-If you hang around the slaughterhouse long enough, they'll give you a free pail of innards. And I loves me some innards.

-Shoplifting rash cream.

-Ordering a sack full of Beef N' Cheddars to take back to my lonely apartment, where I'll eat all the Beef N' Cheddars and cry Beef N' Cheddar-flavored tears on my cat while I watch old Jane Austen movies and wonder if Mr. Darcy will one day eat a Beef N' Cheddar with me, naked, god I'm so very lonely.

-Trying to give you a lap dance so I can make enough money to buy my son's asthma medicine.

-Attempting to call to order a meeting of the House of Representatives.

-Sleeping peacefully next to my husband. Please don't hurt us.

-Drinking varnish with a funnel. It's the only thing that gets me drunk enough these days. Would you like to drink some varnish with me? I have a clean funnel...

-Saving the trees; smelling like if patchouli oil didn't bathe.

-The Batusi.

2 Comments:

Blogger Erratic said...

Well, at least you're not killing a hooker. Or a drifter. Or any "down on their luck" person you encounter on the road.

Also, I will totally drink varnish with you. Cheers.

11:07 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

You bring the funnels, I'll bring the ultra-tough mattcoat clear.

11:37 PM  

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