Me, Also Known As...
Online... C-dog; your favorite blogger; a guy who eats weird crap for the amusement of others; the poet laureate of the internet age; the place where fart jokes go to die
At McDonalds... The customer who's not allowed inside anymore because of what he did in the bathroom
To the police... The Midnight Fondler
At the drag bar's amateur night... Dee-Lishious Thighs
In Heaven... The angel that's really filling out that robe; the soul who must have got in on a technicality because... seriously...
To your Mom... "An animal"
At SeaWorld... Omigod, Shamu can walk!
In a Dickensian novel... Old Master Hunchen, the cruel tormenter of orphans and owner of much land
In outer space... The bastard who snuck on the space shuttle disguised as a crate of Tang; Grathnox, the Eater of Worlds
At fetish clubs... Little Baby Oopsies
Under the sea... The disgraced Prince of Atlantis; a soggy corpse
On VHS in the back room... Ramrod Steele, Ace Panty Inspector
To the Steve Miller Band... The space cowboy; the gangster of love; Maurice
In my own mind... Superman, if he were a rock star cowboy that knows kung-fu. And is black.