Tuesday, April 14, 2009

Me, Also Known As...

At Home... Clinton; Clint; Fat Boy; he who eats all the potato salad out of the fridge at 2am; the distributor of empty beer cans throughout the premises; Thunderdumper

Online... C-dog; your favorite blogger; a guy who eats weird crap for the amusement of others; the poet laureate of the internet age; the place where fart jokes go to die

At McDonalds... The customer who's not allowed inside anymore because of what he did in the bathroom

To the police... The Midnight Fondler

At the drag bar's amateur night... Dee-Lishious Thighs

In Heaven... The angel that's really filling out that robe; the soul who must have got in on a technicality because... seriously...

To your Mom... "An animal"

At SeaWorld... Omigod, Shamu can walk!

In a Dickensian novel... Old Master Hunchen, the cruel tormenter of orphans and owner of much land

In outer space... The bastard who snuck on the space shuttle disguised as a crate of Tang; Grathnox, the Eater of Worlds

At fetish clubs... Little Baby Oopsies

Under the sea... The disgraced Prince of Atlantis; a soggy corpse

On VHS in the back room... Ramrod Steele, Ace Panty Inspector

To the Steve Miller Band... The space cowboy; the gangster of love; Maurice

In my own mind... Superman, if he were a rock star cowboy that knows kung-fu. And is black.


Blogger quin browne said...

little baby oopsies? well, NOW i know who that was!

10:19 PM  
Anonymous J. said...

On VHS in the backroom I am Joe "Dong" Baker. We may know some of the same people.

4:56 AM  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

After staring at the screen for five minutes I got nothing, but I laughed out loud to Little Baby Oopsies.

10:51 AM  
Blogger lacochran said...

On The Golden Girls: Dorothy. Am I right?

2:07 PM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

My mom also calls you "that hot young thing"

3:26 PM  
Blogger LSL said...

Maurice. HA HA.

5:57 PM  
Blogger Erratic said...

The midnight fondler. Awesome.

You are the best. Ever. I quote you, and nobody gets it but me, and I laugh alone. But, it is still just as awesome.

9:45 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

You're black?!

10:14 PM  

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