Tuesday, April 07, 2009

Why You're Being Audited

-The IRS will not accept "your sweet ass" in lieu of a check.

-Claim to be Amish, and thus tax exempt, but you clearly run a successful car dealership.

-A book of Sudoku puzzles starts to look an awful lot like tax forms when you're drunk on bargin tequila.

-Voted for Obama; assumed everything was square now.

-IRS auditor has had a thing for you FOR YEARS; finally got up the courage to destroy your life with math so you and he could get a little one-on-one time.

-Thought you were off the grid since most of your income is derived from dollar bills shoved into your underwear.

-Your idea of filing online is just masturbating to some very disturbing fetish porn.

-Thought they said "Snacks Season;" have spent the last two months creating more and more elaborate Chex Mix and Rice Krispie treats recipes.

-Brick of hash not an acceptable form of payment, though a big hit in the IRS break room.

-Can't go to H&R Block because of a bad break-up with H. (cheated on H with R)

-Tranny hookers only deductible for residents of Atlantic City.


Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Are you being audited or is that simply a series of very clever quips? Why do they pick on the little guys. Not that you're "little" in a demeaning sense.

8:05 AM  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

What form do I have to fill out to get my brick of hash back then?

9:04 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Nah, not being audited. Just being a wiseacre.

6:33 PM  
Blogger Bilby P. Dalgyte said...

Lol suckers I don't pay taxes!....

...damn suckers have a job and money... damn you.

3:36 AM  

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