Friday, September 12, 2008

Friday Morning Hodgepodge

There was this little Asian girl on the train yesterday morning and she was absolutely going banana bonkers with the dancing through the car and swinging around the pole and carrying on nine different conversations with nine different imaginary friends. And, sure, it was annoying as all hell; she was being louder than your average speed-metal concert and bratty like an 80s sitcom stereotype to her clearly-exhausted mother. But, I don't know, I guess I kind of envied her as well. Bopping along, no cares whatsoever, rocking the Dora the Explorer backpack and thinking about how good candy is... I miss that. Being an adult, with the debt and the existential angst and thinning hair... that fucking sucks. Maybe I want to dance through trains, okay, maybe I want to have a bunch of best-friend cartoon characters that have rich back stories and make all sorts of witty comments even though they don't exist. Maybe I want to be a kid again, god fucking dammit!!!

Is that too much to ask? Can someone invent a pill that makes me an age where it's okay to stage elaborate wars with GI Joes all day and then go have a fried baloney sandwich in front of Today's Special? C'mon, science... quit fucking around with atom smashers. Focus on what's important (to me).


I've noticed, via my traffic-counter doohickey, that in the last couple of days ZFS has had a regular visitor from Belgium. I think that's neat. So, guy or gal from Belgium, please contact me in the comments section or through my email address. I want to know what it's like in Belgium. I'm imagining a government sponsored program that gives out free waffles at meal times and, if this is actually the case, then you and I need to talk about how we're getting married so I can be a citizen of Belgium. Holy shit I love waffles.


Fall is here, at least in the C-dog/Girlfriend household. And it has nothing to do with the weather or the calender date or the leaves changing on the apple trees in our living room (god, buying that home orchard kit was a mistake... lousy Ron Popeil). No, Fall is here because Girlfriend and I had our first grilled cheese and tomato soup dinner since whenever it was last cold. All creamy and hot and tomato-y with the grilled cheese slutty melting on the plate wearing a golden brown jacket like a delicious Sun God. Mmmm.... Holy shit I love tomato soup and grilled cheese more than I love waffles.

So anyway, yeah, Fall... catch the fever!


I'm feeling kind of randomly crappy this morning... physically, as opposed to mentally for once... so I'm going to hit you up with a couple of things I figured out this week, then I'm gonna bounce. Go lay down and think non-pukey thoughts or something. So, here (pay attention, this shit is important like grad school classes):

-Every time I listen to "Lazy Line Painter Jane" by Belle & Sebastian, I think about how great it would be to sing it karaoke in a bar at two am with a pretty girl while everyone cheers and the lights shimmer and all the problems in the world go POOF. This goes for everyone, too. Everyone feels this way about this song and I can prove it with a calculator and some graph paper.

-I really, honestly believe that Kitchen Nightmares is one of the best programs on TV... it's about helping and there's also food, which I enjoy... but why the fuck do they only do restaurants on Long Island? Does Long Island have an off-the-hook amount of shitty restaurants, or did the production van break down and so they can only fix up shitty joints within walking distance?

-My friend Mike, who sits next to me at work, lost his voice this week and could only communicate with me via AIM. It was like having a robot buddy and it was sort of awesome. He got his voice back, though, and so then it was like someone killed my robot buddy. NOT awesome. Need to find me a replacement robot buddy stat because I want to go fight crime and have adventures and you really need a sidekick for that.


Blogger Daniel said...

Bonjour Monsieur C-Dog!
I am, sort of, the Belgian visitor. I say sort of because I am actuall y an Englishman. But before you start imagining me sashaying around in a top hat and cape, squinting through a monocle and murdering ladies of the night, I should point out that I'm from the North of England. So whippets, flat-caps, eating coal, crushing kitchen-sink drudgery.

I'm in Belgium because I work in this business we call show. Don't get excited, I'm not famous. I'm in charge of Wasteful Spending. Today I've bought 10 brooms, 20 safety helmets, 1000 tie-wraps and 150 pairs of maracas. I wish I was joking.
Those visitors you had in Paris last week? That was me. Gateshead, England the week before? Uh-huh. Dresden, Germany last month? Guilty.

Anyway enough about me. For now.. Quick guide to Belgium- Great rice-pudding flans. Terrible roads. The national dish appears to be Frites swimming in mayonnaise. Corrupt politicians. And an onomatopoeic language (Flemish).

So, sorry for shattering your waffle-laden dreams and cluttering up your site-traffic kajigger, but it's raining outside and your blog is the perfect remedy for them ol' Friday afternoon, stuck-in-the lowlands-of-Europe, bored-off-my-tits blues. Also I love you.

8:22 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Greetings, Englisman in Belgium!!!

You have not been cluttering up anything, so no worries there. I was just curious as to the nature of my Belgian visitor as I don't get a lot of play in foreign countries (or so I thought) and I thought it was interesting that suddenly I sort of was. Soooo... yeah, thanks for writing me back and satisfying my curiosity.

And, now I know it's rainy in Belgium and that they have excellent rice-pudding things, of which I could eat a large bucketful. Oh, also, that whole fries with mayo atrocity... what the hell is UP with that. My aunt used to live in Amsterdam and she, despite being normal and Texan, STILL does that and she's live back in the states for years now. I think it's some kind of chip they put in your brain or something that makes you like nasty condiments.

Anyhoo, thanks again for writing! Stay off the roads! Enjoy your maracas!!!


8:33 AM  
Anonymous JustinS said...

I'd like to apply for the robot buddy opening.

I'm totally qualified:

* I IM my wife all day long, avoiding actual work as best I can.

* I was always more a Spock than a Kirk growing up, so I have no problem letting you have the glory.

* I'll certainly fuck up often enough that you'll need someone to rescue regularly.

* I'll vow to maintain a list of witty one-liners to throw at evil doers whenever necessary. Good stuff, too, so I won't be stuck stammering and throwing out lame ass "Holy... um... Oh, fuck, C-Dogg. I got nothing..."'s when we're in the thick of it.

11:46 AM  
Blogger Todd said...

I would assault my own grandma for a grilled cheese sandwich right now.

11:50 AM  
Blogger The Unbearable Banishment said...

Fall = roast beef and potato dinners, all-day pots of hot coffee and football. Big, thick sweaters, too. Count me in! I lived in Phoenix for 18 long months that consisted of two seasons; hot and REALLY hot. Feh.

12:08 PM  
Blogger Lioux said...


OMG!!! ZFS! SHOULD be the next international sensation!!!


Do you ever eat fried baloney sandwiches with tomato soup? Or is that a Non-Fall type of delicacy?

You should just punch Co-Worker Mike in the throat.

Maybe if you did enough damage, he'd have to talk with one of those vibrating electronic voice box apparatus thingys...

Hellllloooo, Robot Buddy!

12:20 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

They do have a pill that makes you turn in to a child.

It's called 'ecstasy'.

Ha ha.

Kitchen Nightmares is great and grody.

I wanted to hurl last night when he drug his finger through that grease.

You should also check out the British version of his show if you have BBC America.

12:32 PM  
Blogger ML said...

you have inspired me. i'm going to the store in the rain. to buy some cheese. and make grilled cheese sandwiches. shit yeah.

2:00 PM  
Anonymous tepest said...

ur amazing you know that? And greetings to the belgium man!

2:05 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Justin... How are you with grappling hooks? Because I get the feeling we're going to be in some heavy grappling hook situations.

Todd... How do you think we got ours? Tell your grandmother I'm sorry I hit her with a cinder block.

The UB... Fall party at The UB's house! IF, that is, you're making roast beef and potaotes. If we show up and there's just, like a half bag of chips or something, we're trashing the place.

Lioux... Oh yes, thinning hair. Up at the front. It's scary. Also, fried baloney sandwiches are good all the time.

Big Daddy... Dude, we LOVE the british one. It's better than the US one because it's not all edited to shit (or not as badly, anyway).

ML... I'm inspiring! I hope they are tasty and wonderful.

Tepest... Why thank you! YOU'RE amazing for saying so.

2:13 PM  
Blogger Ms. Switch Hitter said...

Dont you want to know about the visitor from Asheville? I dont feel special anymore.

11:33 AM  
Blogger Daniel said...

Man, I forgot the best thing about Belgium- it has lots of jolly monks and they're all batshit crazy about making beer. Sweet, beautiful, tasty beer in a glass that you can fit a child's face in. And it starts at around 6% and goes all the way up to catatonic.

5:39 PM  
Anonymous wishmewell said...

"Can someone invent a pill that makes me an age where it's okay to stage elaborate wars with GI Joes all day"

They have this drug, its not in pill form, and it may be illegal if your not in los angeles and don't have a prescription, but it does exist.

6:45 PM  

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