The Snickers Charged Experience

What is it: It's this new kind of Snickers that's got a buttload of caffeine, taurine, and other energy-giving supplements crammed into it, because apparently a wad of chocolate and sugar wasn't giving the people of America a sufficient amount of pep on it's own.

Where did I get it: Girlfriend got it for me, actually, because she knows of and accepts my love of products that contain palpitation-inducing amounts of stimulants. She bought it at Rite Aide, but I'm sure they have it other places as well. Ask your local drug dealer.

When did I eat it: About ten minutes ago.

How was it: Overall, kinda gross. It's starts out like a regular Snickers bar that maybe has a little less caramel than normal. It's like whatever, but then, after a few seconds, a chemical aftertaste kicks in, lingers, and then grows stronger and more powerful with each bite. By the time you're finished, it's like you've just consumed a a candy bar that's been stuck up the asshole of Dow Chemicals, wiped off, then sealed in a shiny silver package. And by "it's like that" I mean "it's exactly that." As for the after-effects, I'm not really feeling anything all that different... although... I *did* just do twenty-seven back flips in a row before punching through the wall of my office and sprinting across the air molecules six stories up to the building next door, which I then proceeded to lift up, twirl around, and then replace upside down while doing a very spirited interpretation of "The Electric Slide." But then again, it is Monday, so who knows if the Snickers Charged had anything do with that.

What have we learned: Leave our fucking candy bars alone, you bunch of confectionery bastards. We like them just the way they are. Also, my eyeballs won't stop vibrating!