Perception Vs. Reality

I've been going through a pretty self-reflective time over the last year or so; trying to figure out some stuff about my life, where it's headed, who I am and where I fit in the grand, sweeping landscape of humanity, etc. That sort of thing. I'm sure every late-20s male goes through this at a certain point in their life, so I feel no shame in talking about it in public. Oh, and women probably go through whatever the chick version of this would be, as well. I imagine it's close to the same thing, but with boobs. Anyway, during this metaphorical long walk down a lonely road, I've come to some rather eye-opening conclusions about myself. More to the point, about how I see myself, versus how I actually am. And I'm now going to share these findings with you. Do enjoy...

Perception:



I don't literally think that I fight terrorists in office buildings, but I feel that I could if I wanted to. In my mind, I am a man of action; a witty hero with a golden heart who'll always do the right thing and look goddamn manly in the process. But I'm humble, too... I'm aw-shucks personified; I don't dress flash and I'm not boastful about my conquests in the name of good or in the sack. No, no... that wouldn't be proper. And I recognize my flaws... I'm a hard drinker, I'm occasionally cold and reserved, I can be cruel. But these are the flaws that make up an interesting man, a spectacular example of Tom Waits-crafted "guyness" that's equally at home on a bar stool, in a gun fight, or dancing 'til dawn with a beautiful lady in red. And when I close my eyes at night, when I daydream on the subway during my morning commute, this is the version of me that takes center stage. This is me, so I think.

Reality



I am a man for whom the concept of fried, sugared dough was invented, that's the first thing that I've come to know. All other thoughts about my actual self spring outward from that nugget of truth. Look, I know that I'm not a bad guy; I'm pretty funny, and I'm generally pleasant to be around, but there's absolutely no illusion in my rational mind that I'm anything like the version of me described above. When broken down to my basest elements, I'm just this fat guy with a mild drinking problem who seems to not mind that he's killing himself with unhealthy foods and a lethargic lifestyle. And the laziness goes beyond that, creeping into my professional pursuits and even into my romantic life. The phrase "just couldn't be bothered" might as well be printed on all my t-shirts, as it's basically my motto at this point. All of this adds up to a big waste of life, talent, and energy that makes everyone around me gain weight and shrug a lot and feel like maybe their time could be better spent elsewhere.

But here's the thing... to paraphrase one-hit wonders Modern English, I've seen the difference and it's getting better. I've got the love of a good woman behind me (despite all logic), and I've got a direction in which to head that might possibly offer up a glimpse of the light at the end of this proverbial tunnel. That's the benefit of these self-reflective times; if you keep your eyes open, you just might learn something. But more importantly, you can learn how to fix it.

The perception and the reality might never meet; I'm a realist, after all. But I'd say there's a fair chance of the two at least getting within spitting distance by the time I'm 30. So, terrorists... BEWARE!!!