Wednesday, February 27, 2008

Hicksploitation At It's Finest

While flipping through the channels last night, searching for some post-Idol entertainment, we stumbled across what has become the hot, new TV show at the C-dog/Girlfriend house. Kids, I give you CMT's instant classic... My Big Redneck Wedding, quite possibly the worst, best program ever. That's right, worst AND best. Bad and good, awful and amazing, repellent and... uh... pellent, I guess. Both sides of the coin living together in harmony in a double-wide trailer out by the dump.

See, it's a reality show about rednecks having weddings and, yes, it's exactly as wonderfully train-wrecky as it sounds. Maybe it's because I'm from the South, maybe it's because the farther branches of my family tree are watching this and going, "Shoot, that there's elegant," but whatever the reason, I, and Girlfriend as well, are totally hooked.
Let me give you a little taste of what we witnessed during our two-hour marathon viewing of back-to-back episodes; I'm not making any of this up...

The Sights and Sounds of My Big Redneck Wedding

-A lighted archway decorated with beer cans
-Three weddings held in cow pastures
-One wedding held in a bowling alley
-Weddings featuring mud wrestling
-Weddings featuring pig-catching contests
-Weddings featuring "mattress surfing" (which, incidentally, looks like crazy fun)
-Multiple 4-wheelers
-Tom Arnold
-Flowers displayed in beer cans
-Guns, guns, guns
-Also, more guns
-Camouflage groomsmen outfits
-Camouflage bridesmaids outfits
-A camouflage wedding dress
-Horrifying dental situations (including a bride who *loses her teeth* on the Big Day)
-Skinny men with obese wives
-Hog hunting

The list goes on. But I'm not doing it justice... this is something you're just going to have to witness for yourselves. So check your local listings and get ready to laugh your ass off at the expense of backwoods people who are irrationally proud of living below the poverty line.

It's the American dream, gone sour!!!


Anonymous guy who lives in a double-wide trailer out by the dump said...

Hey, that ain't nice...

11:39 AM  
Blogger jason quinones said...


and here i done thunk that the only thang wurf wacthin' on the CMT was dem old dukes of hazzard re-runs. ya'll done showed me a thang er' two.

and that star wars post ya done posted down yonder was so durn funny i dang near shit my britches!!

2:03 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

funny, yes. Oddly touching, also yes. You know you were verklempt when the future step-son read his letter.

2:34 PM  
Blogger J-Money said...

I look forward to the outcome when, during a Big Redneck Wedding, someone makes the fateful decision to release doves at the end of the ceremony.

2:43 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Tom Arnold! Tom Arnold! I can't get passed this...

3:12 PM  
Anonymous girlfriend said...

Hey anonymous, when the step-son read his letter I shed a tear with no same or irony.

What I like best about the show is finally it's a wedding show with a sense of humor. Bridezilla and Platinum weddings take themselves too serious.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous Jerri Blank said...

Poor white Southerners are hil-lari-ous!

4:58 PM  

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