Monday, February 25, 2008

A Bit About The Oscars, Then We Can All Get On With Our Lives

-If I had to sum up last night's Oscar ceremony in one word, it would be this: Dull. Not entirely, but mostly, and if something is mostly dull with only a few sparky bits of life to liven things up... well, then... yeah, it's pretty much just dull. Don't get me wrong, I thought Jon Stewart did a great job with his hosting duties; I'll bet you good money that he'll own this gig for the next few years. Seriously, who are they going to find that's better? Steve Martin was the only other host of the last decade that I liked as much or better, and he's already said that once was enough for him. Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that even though the show was dull, it certainly wasn't for a lack of trying on Stewart's part. Gaydolph Titler will forever live on in my heart.

-So why was it dull? I dunno. There just wasn't anything really exciting going on. Of the six big awards given out, two were virtual locks (Javier Bardem and Daniel Day-Lewis), two were not quite locks, but close (No Country For Old Men winning Best Picture and Best Director), and the one race that was actually that... a race... didn't contain a single performance that anyone was particularly passionate about (Best Supporting Actress). Which is not to say that they were bad performances; not at all. There just wasn't, say, a Jennifer Hudson in Dreamgirls this year. So five-out-of-six of the bigs were snoozeworthy. That last category, the Best Actress award, provided the only upset of the night; everyone had pegged Julie Christie to win, but she got shanked for the pretty French girl. Who, by the way, gave a truly touching acceptance speech. What's with those flighty, Gallic ladies and the being so adorable all the time? Are they running for President of I Love You? But yeah... no big shocks, or drama, or much of anything.

-Oh, and speaking of... all the acting prizes this year went to foreigners. Um, maybe it's time to close up those borders, folks. Just saying, first they take our jobs as busboys, and maids, and strawberry pickers, and janitors, and then they come along and give soulful, moving performances in our films in an effort to shore up all our awards-season hardware. Pretty soon, we'll have snooty Brits dudes, hot French chicks, and swarthy Spanish hunks running our country and we'll be sitting on our hands going, "Yeah, but he was really good in that one movie. And she's soooooo talented." Think about it, people; I know I will.

NOTE: I should mention that I would not be opposed to an Oscar win by Foreigner.

-Is it just me, or does Diablo Cody look completely different every time she appears in public? Like, she never looks how I remember her as looking. I think there's actually a few different people playing her and this whole year is going to end being a prank on Jackass or something. To tell you the truth, I'm not entirely convinced that this Juno movie actually exists. I mean, I haven't seen it, so what does that tell you?

-I was totally stoked that the song from Once won, but c'mon... the other songs that it was nominated against were terrible. Like, really bad. Particularly the one that Amy Adams was forced to sing there at the beginning. And believe me... she was forced. I'm pretty sure I saw her trying to blink out "help me" in Morse code with her eyes.

-And... yeah... I guess that's it. No one wore anything totally stupid, nobody called any political leader a motherfucker, nobody was visibly drunk (okay, maybe Harrison Ford...), nobody got totally robbed. All in all, it was a very whatever year. I will say this, though: I'm pleased that the one movie that I saw from the five nominated for Best Picture was the one that won. It makes me feel like I chose wisely with my entertainment dollar.

-This isn't Oscar-related, but Blogger's spell check function is working again!!! I'd like to thank the Academy, my director, Girlfriend (who never needs spell check), and of course, my parents...


Blogger The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I sat down in an attempt to watch it and got bored. I think I saw the first fall hour or so.

9:19 AM  
Blogger Giggleloop said...

Ya know, my in-laws made the same comment about the foreigners about halfway through the ceremony. They called to tell my husband, "I ain't watchin' this junk - they're all foreign people!" Ah, to have country bumpkins for in-laws, t'is wonderful. *sigh*

9:30 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Dutchess... Girlfriend was the same way. She watched for as long as she could stand it, but then peaced-out around the hour, hour and a half mark.

Giggleloop... Ah, lovely. My folks are the other way; they've seen *way* more of the movies that were nominated than I have and they were hardcore pulling for Marion Cotillard.

9:41 AM  
OpenID survivingmyself said...

harrison ford wasn't drunk, he just looks so happy all the time because he's his awesome self.

11:30 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Were I Harrison Ford, I would always go around dressed as Indiana Jones. It's a look you can't really fuck with. I mean, if you're Harrison Ford. Other people can't rock it or they look like nerds.

12:16 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

Foreigner for President!

1:46 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Very disappointing. It was almost as if they refused to award an American last night even though they should have- Day-Lewis was not that great, though he overdid it, Julie Christie or Laura should have won, and I am not so sure Javier was so perfect. Indeed, I felt the old man should have won. I was especially annoyed by Javier's inconsiderate speech in Spanish- "This is for Spain and for all of us." Dude, it's America. Be gracious and get off the stage. I am tired of American self-loathing. Imagine There will be blood with an American actor ..that would have been something.

2:02 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

I'm just going to pretend your kidding. And not from my home state. Also, Julie Christie's from England. Just so ya know.

8:05 AM  

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