Notes On A Concert

NOTE: Last night, thanks to the benevolent Cheese who happened to have an extra ticket, I got the opportunity to see Foo Fighters in concert at Madison Square Garden. Herewith, my notes on the experience, presented to you in a convenient bullet-point format.

2ND NOTE: Why yes, "convenient bullet-point format" means "I had a lousy night's sleep and am consequently so exhausted that I'm incapable of writing in paragraphs that flow together like a river of coherent thought." Thanks for asking!

-Madison Square Garden is large. Like, I bet there were at least a hundred people there. Or, like, maybe there were 50,000,000 people there. I'm not sure. When the other kids were learning to count, I was out in the fields helping my family bring in the harvest. Our crop? YOUR MOM!!! *snap*

-It was a night of firsts. In my five years of living in New York, I'd somehow never been to see a concert or a sporting event or a boat show at Madison Square Garden. Also, I'd never had the pleasure of seeing Foo Fighters live before, despite the fact that they've long been a fixture in the landscape of my musical enjoyment. Trying new things is my anti-drug! My anti-drug used to be heroin, but then somebody spray-painted the words "you're missing the point" on my front door and I slapped my forhead and went "doye." And that's how the idea of going to concerts was born.

-"A fixture in the landscape of my musical enjoyment?" Man, well-rested, quality writer C-dog is going to kick my ass when he reads that. If only there was a hot beverage, possibly from Colombia, that could wake me up and also taste delicious... oh, to live in such a magical, wonderful world.

-Would anyone like to hear an example of how I'm gigantic dork? You would? Excellent, here goes... please note that admitting this is painful for me, but I do so in an effort to maintain a level of complete honesty here at ZFS!... okay, so at the concert last night, there were people smoking cigarettes and it was fucking killing my allergies. Like, I was thinking about going around to the people who were obliviously puffing away and forcing them to look at my red, puffy eyes until they felt such a surge of shame that they had no choice but to throw themselves off the balcony and into the mosh pit below where they'd be ground up like Steve Buscemi at the end of Fargo. But I didn't do that. Because I'm a gigantic dork who is allergic to smoke. We bruise easily.

-They played an epic version of "Everlong." They also did an absolutely ball-smashing take on "Monkeywrench." They also played some stuff off their new album, which was a lot like Dave Grohl saying "hey now's the time to go to the bathroom, everybody." And so they did, which made me kind of sad for Dave Grohl. But then I remembered that he's a millionaire rock star who was one third of the most influential band of my lifetime. So he's probably fine.

-Speaking of which, I've now seen a member of Nirvana play live. How cool is that? I just need to catch whatever weirdo band Krist Novoselic is playing in these days (when he's not farting around in Washington state politics), and then I'll be as close as one can get to the total Nirvana experience without having to put a deposit down on a backhoe.

-Our seats were in the last row, all the way at the top, next to the bathrooms. I didn't really mind it so much (because I didn't pay for the tickets), but it was weird to be at a packed, frenetic rock show and still be able to carry on a conversation with the person next to me without shouting.

-We went to this bar last night before the show and, thus, for dinner I had a basket of cheese fries and a few beers. Unbeknownst to me, this created kind of a Perfect Storm in my guts. So this morning, I took a dump so large and weighty, I think I've technically given birth. Even worse? It was a cesarean.

-I'll leave you with that image. Enjoy having that rattling around in your head all day, my lovlies!