Sunday, March 09, 2008


Dan, a long-time reader of ZFS! and a man that can play a mean piano, sent me a link yesterday to what just might be the finest achievement in the robotics field since the Automatic Love Tester. Ladies, gentlemen, drunks of all ages, I give you...


Ah, look at him. Handsome in his shiny, red metal, standing at the ready to pour you a frosty brew from a spigot on his chest that doesn't look at all like a penis, so you should put that thought out of your mind immediately. Now, apparently, all of the bugs have yet to be worked out of this God-like machine. According to some of the additional information that I was able to glean during my extensive research Googling, this magnificent bastard isn't yet entirely autonomous; it's only functional when controlled by an operator. This is lame because, well, obviously it's less cool to have a beer robot when it requires a greasy-ponytailed, dangerously over/underweight guy named Ricky to run it. Especially when you consider that the thing is equipped with a two way speaker, which means that he can bombard you with Monty Python quotes all night while you try to work up a steady robo-buzz.

Still, though, in the arena of techno-science, there have been few greater inventions than this. Okay, maybe the microwave (for the bounty of burritos it provides) and the Internet (for the bounty of pornography it provides), but that's it. When this thing is fully operational and stocked with only choicest of beers, will truly then be living in a golden age. But not until then. Because having to walk *all the way* to the fridge for another can of Milwaukee's Best is a total pain in my lazy, lazy ass.

C'mon future! Let's pick up the pace!!!

NOTE: here's the link that was originally sent to me by Dan (which, thanks, by the way). Once there, there's an additional link that takes you to a more detailed page about the robot, but be warned... it's very oddly formatted and kinda hard to read. Apparently robo-nerds can build all sorts of crazy crap out of metal and wires, but HTML coding is beyond them.

2ND NOTE: This is the second time in two posts that I've mentioned internet porn. How do you know when it's becoming an addiction? Is carpal tunnel a sign?


Blogger The Brooklyn Boy said...

That would definitely be awesome minus the Ricky factor, ha.

BTW definitely just spent half an hour flipping through backlogged posts instead of giving in to the urge to use the restroom. You are a funny, funny man. Keep doin how you do.

Zombie Fights Shark: Making Colons Explode Since 10 a.m. Today ...

10:37 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Hey, thanks dude. Sorry about the stress on your "workins" though. It is not, nor has it ever been, my intention to get between a man and a good dump.

1:21 PM  
Blogger Lioux said...

OMG!!! I was just thinking "What an exiciting AND facinating age of the future we're currently living in..." while jet packing home from work the other day.

I wonder if they can combine this with The Beer Dispensing Robot.

1:45 PM  
Anonymous R2D2®™©™ said...

Beep. Chirp chirp chirp chirp beep beep. Whurrrrr.




1:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

there is a god.

4:25 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pretty wimpy-looking penis.

(Although, I just want to say that my thoughts would NEVER have gone in that direction without your helpful guidance.)



5:51 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Lioux... Totally. A couple of Roomba's for feet and you've got yourself a multi-taskin' robot. Hell, slap a George Forman grill on it's head, too. Bacon and beer in a clean house... who could ask for anything more.

R2D2... You're a drunk, R2. A filthy drunk!

Surviving... I know, right? I've found religion.

Phoenix... Eh, you were thinkin' it. We were *all* thinkin' it. Er... right?

6:35 PM  

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