Saturday, March 15, 2008

(No Post Title, Just Some Whimpering)

I'm totally sick now, y'all.

My throat's all "AAAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHH" and my head feels like it's been dipped in concrete and dried with a blast furnace, but not before the neighborhood kids were allowed to come along and write their initials in my forehead with a stick. I barely slept last night, choosing instead to hork up green stuff at regular intervals, and I've hit that point where all my muscles hurt like buildings on fire and my attitude is so grumpy and mean, biker-bar bouncers are not making eye-contact because they're afraid I'll introduce a pool cue to their temples.

And I'd do it, too. I'm a man on the edge with nothing to lose.

Also, why the hell are all these biker-bar bouncers in my apartment? Because my liquor licence got taken away years ago (there was an incident involving Foxy Boxing, a bazooka, and a little league baseball team that thought we were a McDonalds just because I happened to be dressed like a clown on that fateful night).

So... yeah... I'm not feeling very well today. Not very well at all.

However, I need to toss special mad, phat ups at m'boy Todd, for pointing me towards a wondrous, throat-soothing, drunken beverage known as the Hot Toddy (no relation). It's hot water and lemon and honey and whiskey all done up in a mug called "yum" and my spectacular girlfriend has been making them for me all weekend. If the drink didn't already have a name, I'd call it "The Gullet Snuggler."

I guess that's it. I'm sick and, thus, the world mourns. Probably pop back in later, just to give my brain something else to focus on other than my own eventual demise, but as for now... it's back to bed with my sorry butt.

Later, gators.

7 Comments:

Blogger Braden said...

That sucks, man. Here's to a speedy recovery. In the meantime, Ed Harris and I have some get well wishes:

"Goddammit, you bitch! You never backed away from anything in your life! Now fight!"

[SLAP!]

"Fight!"

[SLAP!]

"Fight! Right now! Do it! Fight goddammit! Fight! Fight! Fiiiiight!"

5:04 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

I don't know what's worse, that I knew that was from The Abyss without having to look it up, or that in this scenario, I'm Mary Elizabeth Mastrantonio.

12:08 AM  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

Two more celebrities, Kevin Spacey and Dustin Hoffman, have something to say regarding your illness...

"I hate this bug."

"Oh, come on, Casey. You have to admire its simplicity. It's one billionth our size and it's beating him."

"So, what do you want to do, take it to dinner?"

"No."

"What, then?"

"Kill it."

So, if your not feeling better yet rest easy they are working hard on containing the epidemic and finding a cure.

3:55 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Digital... Dude, I *love* Outbreak. Movies and books about viruses are tops in my book, always.

9:50 AM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

Did you get all your required shots when you were growing up? Because you get sick a lot.

10:16 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Shots? I don't know what you're talking about. This is completely unrelated, I'm sure, but I get sick all the time because of my Polio. And my Scarlet Fever. And the Whooping Cough. Oh, and the Small Pox.

So many infected blankets around here...

10:30 AM  
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