Wednesday, November 28, 2007

Arbitrary Rulings (One Sentence Edition)

Rubber Finger Tips - I've been using these at work lately and, while it's been great to flip through a large stack of papers with ease, it really sucks to know that I've finally completed my transformation into an old lady named Gladys who knits and spoon-feeds her cats from a crystal goblet.

Hugh Laurie - Girlfriend would leave me for the House version of Hugh Laurie in a heartbeat, so I've linked to the Black Adder version of him instead as a way of confusing her, which in turn will keep me as the only brainy hunk in her life for at least another day.

Line Dancing - Lame, but at least it keeps the sort of people who'd be open to line dancing busy and, thus, not out forming lynch mobs or trying to stop you on the street to tell you about, "the miracle of Jesus Christ our Savior."

El Sabroso Guacachips - A piece of plywood that's been handled by a Mexican day-laborer tastes more like guacamole than these chips.

Humor - Humor is like heroin; I guess it's okay if you're into that sort of thing, but you really should be careful not to overdo it or everyone will hate you (oh, and you might die).

Why New York Rules - Their hot dogs are just retardedly good, especially with the onions on them; a glass of "Coconut Champagne" on the side makes things even better.

The Uppercut - I once gave Jeffery Mills an uppercut to the jaw right after he sucker-punched me in the ribs; neither of us could move for like five minutes, but then we shook hands and got some ice cream (we were both eleven at the time and, as you know, ice cream is the beer of the early-double-digit population).

Jesus Appears On A Cat’s Ass - Those Line Dancing people are going to totally lose their shit when they see this.

5 Comments:

Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

Line Dancing- also good for getting kids out of the way at weddings/bar mitzvahs/etc so that you can drink to your heart's content without those stupid kids telling everyone what a drunk you really are.

11:12 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Word, although I'm usually too drunk at weddings to even notice that there *are* kids around.

12:36 PM  
Anonymous girlfriend said...

Mmmmm, even in a terrible wig House is super sexy.

4:09 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Gray's is pretty tasty.

Damn, now I want a hot dog.

4:27 PM  
Anonymous David said...

Have GF ever seen him as Bertie Wooster? That should be enough to turn her off for at least a couple of weeks.

5:22 PM  

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