Wednesday, September 12, 2007

The Things I'm Proud Of Are Gross

I think at this point we're all familiar with the concept of "web trackers," even if, like me, you have absolutely no idea how they work. But for those of you who are using a computer for the first time (welcome to the Internet, by the way; enjoy the porn), basically a web tracker is this: A doohickey that tells you how many hits you've gotten on your blog, where said hits came from, and what time the "hitters" stopped by to say howdy and/or plagiarize your writing.

Anyway, I bring this up because last night, while checking my web tracker for my daily dose of ego-boosting narcissism, I noticed that someone from Albuquerque, NM, had reached ZFS! by Googling the phrase "getting shit stains out of underwear." While that's hilarious in and of it's self, what's even better is that, turns out, ZFS! is the #1 result for that search criteria!!!

Check it out!!!

I cannot tell you how proud this made me. I mean, it's like a validation of my life's work, especially given the fact that I've never actually written on the subject of getting shit stains out of underwear. The Google just knows that, even though I haven't covered the topic as of yet, I'm still the best man for the job. Poop humor and poop humor-related topics are my beat, people, and now everyone on the Internet knows it.

Seriously, I'm Will Smith at the end of Pursuit of Happyness, where he's walking down the street, crying, and he's clapping his hands over his head. I'm Rudy after he sacked the quarterback. I'm Luke when he blew up the Death Star.

But more than anything, I'm a man who's known for talking a lot about gross things... and I couldn't be more proud.


Blogger Cray said...

You are TRULY a GOD among men!

9:49 AM  
Blogger Ross said...

I take back my negative comment about "irregardless".

You are "da bomb".

9:55 AM  
Anonymous highonmoxie said...

i bow to you, c-dog.

you're kind of my hero.

11:21 AM  
Anonymous David said...


11:24 AM  
Anonymous David said...

BTW even your new post has now overtaken your old as #1 related poop stain article on Google.

11:29 AM  
Blogger stew said...

to be honest with you, the reason I am here is to get some science about removing poop stains from underwear and while this blog is sometimes slightly funny, I find myself really hoping you'll get on with telling us how to do the poop-stain removal already.

you know you want to.

11:47 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Cray... That's all I'm sayin'.

Ross... All is forgiven, for I am truly Da Bomb.

Moxie... Thanks, Moxie. I like to think that I'm a role-model for the kids these days, with their Flava Flavs and their moon shoes and their Charleston dancing.

David... Hey, you're right. Hadn't thought of that. Eh well, nice to cement my legacy.

Stew... I tend to just bury the evidence, if you know what I mean. Makes great fertilizer.

12:08 PM  
Anonymous Just Saying said...

Do you know what comes out #1 if you put in "zombie fights shark sucks" Not that I think that but it does come out.
As a side note with the poop stain shirt now you come out #1 and #2. When you are talking about poop #2 is always better.

1:01 PM  
Blogger david hayes said...

This is brilliant. What can one aspire to above being a home for those with shit stains?

2:30 PM  
Blogger Jeff said...

Which of your posts led to the poop stain result?

3:15 PM  
Anonymous Just Askin. said...

Hey Clint, did you know poop should be s shaped when it comes out? I wonder is shit stains should be s shaped also? Hmm.

4:53 PM  
Anonymous darling nikki said...

The entire time I read this post, I was solemnly nodding my this is a totally legit thing to be proud of. Congratulations, where do I send the card?

7:02 PM  
Blogger Beehive Hairdresser said...

My first thought for this was I bet that there is some jerk out there who will now try to out google rank you on this...Viva La Clinton!

8:28 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

What no 'poo warning'?

Blythe would not be happy.

7:31 PM  
Anonymous Ryan said...

Welcome to the club. I am the #1 google search result for "pooping grannies".

Beat that!

11:50 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Sadly, I cannot. Pooping grannies is your market to cover and I couldn't and wouldn't take that away from you.

12:25 PM  

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