Friday, September 21, 2007

Dead Professions

NOTE: Credit where it's due, this was totally my friend and co-worker Andrew's idea. Andrew would also like it pointed out that he's never, personally, met a hot air balloon pilot.

The Poet



Once considered the rock stars of their day, the poet has long since disappeared from our cultural landscape, a fact that can mostly be attributed to all of them being, as the historical scholars put it, "major weenies." I mean, wearing tights and talking in clever rhymes all the time just isn't in a way to live a long, not-beaten-up-all-the-time sort of life. Understandably, as time marched on and the real, "modern" rock stars started showing up (bringing with them endless tour buses full of cool, not to mention that they had the good drugs), the interest in becoming a poet among our society's youth plummeted fast. Eventually, the quill pens and foppish hats were put away entirely, or at least they were relegated to the various Renaissance Faires around the country. And, yes, I'm aware that there are still poet laureates out there and there's even a few famous poets still kicking around. Whatever, that's like ten people out of billions. For your profession to be considered "alive," there's got to be enough of you out there to fill the stands at a high school basketball game. Because science says so, that's why.

The Viking



I'm sure there's a metaphor here linking the brutality of the vikings of yore to the ruthless tactics of today's modern corporations, but it's one that should be made by someone much more "Liberal Arts major (with a Poli-Sci minor)" than myself. All I can say is that vikings were bad asses. Sure they killed and raped and plundered and visited untold destruction upon everyone they met, but... um... where was I going with this? Yeah, okay, I guess they were assholes and, generally, it's probably a good thing that they're no longer around to stab people and such. Still... what they lacked in people skills, they certainly made up in nifty hats. Horns!!!

The Clown



And I'm not talking about those fruity, spandex-clad, French clowns that wouldn't know a good pie in the face gag if it walked right up to them and shouted, "Bonjour, you unfunny clownesque-but-not-quite-a-real-clown clown!" I'm talking about the hilarious, scary, alcoholic clowns that they had back our parents days; Clowns that could do a somersault, get hit with a blast from a bottle of seltzer, down a pint of cheap bourbon, and then hole up under your bed with hunting knife. Today, clowning is all about the technical skills of a pratfall, and about the witty nuances of a joke that requires of a viewer a deep, intricate knowledge of Comedia Dell'Arte. In other words, clowning today is boring. And thus, it's dying out as a career choice for crazy drunk teenagers who run away from home. Which is a shame really, because who doesn't love a clown?
I'm sorry, I meant "who isn't terrified to their very core by the icy, painted visage of a clown that's crawling a cross the floor covered in a fresh arterial spray?"

12 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

That Andrew sure sounds creative, smart...and extremely good looking

10:06 AM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

Stop it with the creepy clown stuff already! Are you trying to give me a complex?! *twitches*

Nah, just kidding. Great post. :)

10:40 AM  
Anonymous David said...

Oh Clint my overly large good friend
We are still around we just have to blend
Into a society that hates what is penned
Poetry will come back as a fashionable trend

So until that times comes we’ll stay hidden
I pray for the day that soon people will amend
Our poems pile up never seen and forbidden
Our rightful place in society we will ascend

The world will rejoice the celebration will linger
No longer will we have to hide and pretend
Once they realize the joy that flows from our fingers
Love, depression, sorrow and joy our words transcend

So take heart all my fellow poets
ZFS let loose something he did not intend
A revolution he started just didn’t no it
So long and goodbye Clint my best friend

10:44 AM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

I'm pretty sure that poets evolved into songwriters. Do you think that one day, someone said "You can't set it to a hot tune? Then YOU, sir, are out of a job!"

10:53 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Anonymous... I'll be sure to pass that along TO YOURSELF!!! *snap*

Giggleloop... Thanks! And sorry; killer clowns are always on my mind for some reason (childhood trauma).

David... Ooookay. Well, thanks for proving my point, I guess.

Brooklyn... Yeah, you're probably right. Once the guitar was invented, that pretty much shut down all the traditional poetry, I think.

11:11 AM  
Anonymous Just Saying said...

Maybe Vikings evolved into clowns which would explain why they are always going on killer rampages.

11:28 AM  
Anonymous highonmoxie said...

moxie here, requesting a clown warning to be posted anytime photos of clowns will be posted on the blog. i'll have nightmares for a week now. THANKS.

11:52 AM  
Anonymous Giggleloop said...

I'm with Moxie. A clown warning system would be entirely appropriate. I'm not really that freaked out by clowns, but if you keep posting creepy things about them, I will get freaked out.

You should make a post about the various warning systems you have thus far, and in the future intend to, implement here at ZFS! *nods*

1:37 PM  
Blogger stew said...

I think clowns are people who wake up one day and say, "what can I do to make sure I never, EVER get laid?"

voila. clowns. also, poets.

5:12 PM  
Blogger stew said...

poets write their scribbly rhymes
and then into their bus they climbs
to write, perchance, but here's what sucks:
they have to work in a Starbucks

their english degrees and their books
just get them sideways funny looks
from the customers and from their dads
o poets lots are really sads

I am one to talk cuz shit
I majored in dumb english lit
and have nothing to show for it
except I once saw Candace Bushnell's clit

5:20 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Check out these scary ass clowns.

[Starts at 2:50]

7:37 PM  
Blogger Dazinho said...

Here in Recife, they employ clowns to give traffic advice. The clown is evolving. Very high rate of road deaths mind...

6:26 PM  

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