Pure Evil (That Likes "Tuttles")
Ladies and Gentlemen, the Creepiest Kid In All The Land:
I mean, really. If this kid didn't climb out of the TV set right behind that chick from The Ring, then I'm officially fucking terrified because that means we don't know where he's coming from. My vote: Hell. Or some Northwest county fair that allows demon children to wander about. Ugh. Seriously, this kids going to be stalking my dreams like Freddy Krueger, but even more scary because all he'll be saying is, "I like tuttles." See:
God, somebody please recite the ancient text that will send him back to his homeworld or dimension or whatever. Can you not see the look of horror on the news lady's face? It's the same way the cops looked when they arrested Manson... you're never the same once you've looked into someones eyes and seen only a black void. I'm telling you, this kids going to be the one that brings upon the world a heavy rain of blood and fire.
When it happens and it proves that I'm right, you all owe me a beer. Of course you'll all be this kid's minions at that point, so it won't matter, but still.
Anyway... if nothing else, I guess it's good to have a face to put with the vague notion of the Antichrist that we've all been hearing about for lo these many years. I can only assume that it'll make things much more neat and orderly come Apocalypse time.
posted by Clinton at 1:30 AM
14 Comments:
The anti-Christ looks much younger than he was depicted in the Left Behind books.
After consulting both the Necronomicon and Internet Explorer for Dummies, I think I found the Hellmouth:
http://iliketurtles.ytmnd.com
Clint, you rather large wuss, why in the name of Lucifer would you be afraid of a demon zombie kid on Ritalin. I take it he is on the stuff because his brain must be mush because of saying he liked brains he said turtles, at least I think he meant turtles; you know how those damn zombies mumble.
Ross... How did they depict him in the books? I never read them, though I did briefly consider checking out the movie version with Kirk Cameron. Speaking of, you might know this... do religious people dislike Kirk Cameron as much as everyone else does these day? Because he's been coming on pretty strong with the Jesus-y stuff for a while now and it would seem to me like one of those things that would irritate everyone, not just we non-religious types.
Braden... AAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!
David... Wuss? WUSS??? I take umbrage with that remark, sir, and as long as you're not larger than myself, you can expect quite a thrashing.
this fucking sucks. this day fucking sucks. I have barely had my coffee and now I find out I'm going to be enslaved for all eternity and damned to agonizing suffering at the hands of Braden, the dead-eyed Yugio enthusiast? Couldn't my demon have been at least past puberty????
ok, ok, ok, fine, I submit to my fate. Bring on the fucking tuttles and let's end civilization.
Okay, I can't even play videos at work...but even the stillshot of this kid scares the crap out of me.
Thanks.
Actually, I spend most of my time despising the books. I bought a few for my partner back in my more popular-Jesus era...and I have regretted it ever since.
And don't get me started on the movie! I did have to watch it...and it sucked as bad as you think it does. And yes, there is a general loathing for Kirk Cameron out there in the religious community. He was much better in his spread of "Tiger Beat" magazine.
... Braden, the dead-eyed Yugio enthusiast ...
Ye Gods, I've darned us all!
Man, I didn't summon Tuttles, I just gave him fifty free hours of AOL.
The scarifying little scamp's name is actually, according to my inside source at KGW Portland ("Your Nose on Portland") none other than the unassuming "Jonathan".
Some Handy Jonathan Stats:
Age: Untold Eons
Faves: Darkness, Putrefaction, Yu-Gi-Oh, The Living Dead, Tuttles
Dislikes: Direct Sunlight, The Laughter of Children, "Haterz"
Stewpid... Yeah, it's best to just let it happen. Resistance, as they say, is futile. And a lot of work.
Gal Gotham... Just trying my best to ruin everyone's day!
Ross... That's good to hear. Kirk Cameron and all of his God-flogging is one of the fatter examples of why religion in general pisses me off. This, mind you, is coming from a guy who's got several family members who are not only religious, but are actually ministers.
Braden... You're becoming the Renfield to Jonathan's Dracula. If I find you in an asylum eating bugs, I'm going to be so pissed.
ok, my bad. I was giving HellSpawn a funny name and I forgot that someone else (for reals, dude?) had that name. So, ok, he's Jonathan. But you there's a Brandon or a Preston in there somewhere. Or at the very least, his zombie sister is named Ashleigh.
Kirk Cameron used to be everything that's wrong with situation comedy, and now he's everything that's wrong with whatever it is that he's doing -- fundamentalist infomercials??
In the immortal words of the Michael Stanley Band, "the Lord uses the good ones/and the bad ones use the Lord."
I do remember when the Left Behind movie came out, they really promoted it through the star quality of Kirk Cameron. Apparently, they thought that he could help spread the message a little more.
I think their tag line was something like, "Not only is it a nasty interpretation of the book of Revelations...it stars one of those washed up child actors!"
Kirk Cameron creeps me out.
And I Love, Love, Love the whole evil theme today!
OMG hilarious
-Jew
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