Thursday, July 05, 2007

Bloggers In The Wild: The Sequel

Welcome to ZFS!... UP all night!!!

I'll be your host, Rhonda Shear, and if you actually get this reference, then you watched just as much smutty, "after hours" cable programming as I did back in the early 90's.

Good, masturbatory times, those.

Anyway, hi... I can't sleep. Not sure why; I haven't, say, eaten a fistful of Pixie Stix today, nor am I nervously anticipating any particular event tomorrow. No, it looks like good, old-fashioned insomnia (like our parents used to enjoy) has dropped by for a visit. He's settled in on my side of the bed next to my sleeping girlfriend and he's not planning on letting me get any rest, at least not any time soon. The selfish bastard. He knows I have to work tomorrow and, not to get personal or nothing, but he always farts up the sheets. He thinks the concept of "dutch ovens" were invented just for him, is all I'm saying.

So here I sit, listening to the rain and wishing that someone had some Valium that they could magically transmit to me over the internet. Barring that, I'd also accept a sharp blow with a hammer to the back of my skull. Anything, really, that'll knock me out right quick.

But, since that's probably not going to happen (Is anyone getting on that Valium request? Anyone???), I guess that I'll use this time to say a few words about the most recent Blogger Happy Hour that happened on this Tuesday past. Nothing fancy; no long, soliloquies like last time... quite frankly, the whole evening's a bit of a blur and, thus, I don't "technically" remember large portions of the events that transpired. So, with that in mind, here's what I wanted to say:

-First of all, and most importantly, it was really awesome to see everybody. I got to meet some of the people that make the comments section of ZFS! as fucking fantastic as it is, not to mention the fact that I got to see again some of the same group of kids that I'd met last time, and it was all in all just a swell occasion to be a part of. Not to get all group hug-y on everybody, but still... it was very nice.

-Secondly, um... the last portion of the evening is, as I mentioned, missing some pieces. Ease my guilty conscience: I behaved myself, right? I'd really hate to get to work tomorrow and find a cadre of lawyers waiting for me, legal documents at the ready, because I was untoward and "handsy" with, say, Midwesterner. Also, if I said something particularly witty or smart, please feel free to let me know. Or, actually, if you just want to tell me how wonderful I am, that'd be cool too. Can never have too much of that.

-Parenthetically, when did I become such a fucking lightweight? I really don't feel like I had that much to drink, and yet I have no recollection of the subway ride home. I was in the bar one minute, and the next I'm standing in the deli across the street from my house, ordering a sandwich and holding on to the counter like a sailor on the railing of a ship during a mighty gale. It's sickening, really, because I used to be such a wonderful drinker. Seriously, there's a bronze statue in Austin of me power-chugging a bottle of Jack Daniels. Every year, college freshmen gather around it, light some candles, and then reenact the toga party scene from Animal House. Now, though... a few pitchers of beer, one whisky and a couple of extra pints is all it takes to lay me low. Very, very sad.

-You also have my permission to write in and tell me how handsome you think I look in person.


Anonymous David said...

Wow you have a deli across the street from your house; I guess that explains a few things. Me I think my neighbor would be mad if I went across the street and ordered a pastrami on rye.

8:03 AM  
Anonymous David said...

P.S. Keep a copy of Robot Jox handy for those special nights.

8:06 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

And just what sort of "things" does that explain, Mr. Smarty-David?

Also, I totally just Netflixed Robot Jox. You didn't tell me that it was directed by Stuart Gordon of Re-Animator fame. Very cool. Possibly!

8:28 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Okay a few things...

Yes, once again you all exceeded my expectations in terms of charm, and wittines in person. I had a blast but also entered a drunken haze towards the end as I clung to Jeff's arm for dear life as we paraded down/up? 2nd ave...

What do you mean insomnia was at your place?! He was at MINE last night! We laid in bed and listened to the rain together. Then we went into the living room and watched re-runs of CHEERS, where we both came to the conclusion that the Midwesterner kinda reminds us of Ted Danson.

Also that talk you gave at the bar about the effects of global warming on the decreasing population of the green back tree frog in the Amazon was fascinating!

9:18 AM  
Blogger Midwesterner in NYC said...

Im still a bit hung over from Tuesday but I slept well last night. My 4th was pretty much shot but I did see Transformers. I agree, it was ok.

Did you have that wild ass trailer for the unnamed JJ Abrams movie coming in jan of 08?? The one where everyone was at a going awaay party in New York and camera is the perspective of someone filming people at the party. Then they go outside and there is a huge explosion over the horizon from downtown. FREAKED ME OUT!!! Then the movie had no name.... what the hell was that?

Ted Danson???

9:35 AM  
Blogger Ha Ha Sound said...

Hey nice meeting you. The blogger drinks shindig was really a lot of fun.

9:38 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Gal Gotham... What can I say? I really CARE about the... er... what was it? Some kind of frog. Yeah, I care about those little fuckers. Also, random, I remember thinking that you were way taller than I had previously thought. Am I crazy? Shrinking? Also also, keep your hands off my MAN!!! "Man" equals "Insomnia."

Midwesterner... YES!!! That trailer blew my mind. I actually read a tiny article about it the other day (on Ain't It Cool News) and gleaned from it these facts:

1. J.J. Abrams is only the producer, not the director.

2. It's going to be an old-fashioned monster movie, but it's ALL going to be shot through home video cameras, just like the trailer.

3. It's currently without a title, but the people who work on it are calling it "Cloverfield" at the moment.

Ha Ha Sound... Ditto, dude! Hopefully there will be many more to come.

9:42 AM  
Blogger Sally Tomato said...

Yes, Clinton - you are extremely handsome. Also, your voice is a dead-ringer for Seth Rogen's - which was freaking me out a little bit.

Anyway, nice to meet you in person, finally! Next time I won't be so jetlagged and pussy out so early.

9:54 AM  
Blogger Irish and Jew said...

You were SUPER charming in person!! That would be your superpower ;)

I stole a bag of baked ruffles from east village idiot's apartment!! I wish i had a deli by my house...


10:34 AM  
Blogger Irish and Jew said...

oh and girlfriend was wonderful as well!!

(better than you, obvs)



10:34 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ted Danson???

Yeah, it was about 4am and I was just sitting on my couch (probably still a little drunk too) thinking about the other night and how Todd kind of looks like Fisher Stevens.

When you compare one person to a celebrity, you start trying to do it for everyone. That's when Cheers came on and I thought, I guess Midwesterner sort of resembles Ted Danson in a way...I don't know, blame it on the insomnia.

your voice is a dead-ringer for Seth Rogen's

YES! Sally, good call. I'll add that to my list.

10:41 AM  
Blogger Midwesterner in NYC said...

Ted Danson now or the Mayday Malone version?

Todd does look like Fisher Stevens.

10:52 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Sally Tomato... Aw, thanks! Yeah, my girlfriend said I reminded her of Seth Rogan as well. And no worries; I pussied out a little early too because I got drunk way faster than I intended.

Jew... Girlfriend's way wonderful. Much more so than me, which is why I date her. She keeps me humble. Also, my superpower is Invisibility. You know, because it helps me see more boobies.

Gal Gotham... Insomnia's always causing trouble like this. Such an asshole.

Midwesterner... I wish I looked like Fischer Stevens. Kind of.

11:15 AM  
Blogger Irish and Jew said...

hehe, boobies.


11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ted Danson now or the Mayday Malone version?

The Ted Danson of yester year...not the Becker version, and not the black face dating Whoopi Goldberg version, definitely the Sam Malone version...minus the seltzer bottle. Also, I never knew that he had such SHOCKING white hair now until just recently.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Irish and Jew said...

Cheers to the early boozing crew. Love girlfriend and love you too Clinton!!!


11:55 AM  
Blogger Colleen said...

You were perfectly boozily fine. To me, a lot of other people's drunkenness, including yours, isn't as embarassing as mine. I totally stumbled backwards and almost ate it at the next event I went to and wasn't even that drunk! But try telling that to anyone who has just witnessed your near fall.
Great to meet you and I'm sad I didnt' get to meet Girlfriend!

1:29 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

Short Circuit, Short Circuit 2, and Super Mario Brothers. Clearly Mr. Stevens is a talented man. No matter what Jew tells you, I can't compete with his level of sexy.

2:41 PM  
Anonymous David said...

Hey Clint it was directed by Stuart Gordon.

3:29 PM  
Blogger i like cheese said...

I recognized you right away! I was so sad that I missed Girlfriend though.

3:40 PM  
Blogger Ms. C said...

Jew and Irish are my new BBF's. No one can tell a story like's her superpower. I could be Hitler, and about to crush Jew (is this in poor taste?) and Jew will start telling a c-r-a-z-y story and I'd be harmless and enrapt in the tale. It's sick. Sick like Irish's blister.

To all those who missed me at the party: Why'd ya'll show up so late? I'm especially sorry I missed Colleen and didn't get any free nudie pix.

But it was awesome to meet everyone who was kind enough to show up in a timely manner. You're all fabulous!


4:02 PM  
Blogger Quin said...

a belated comment

you were a peach.

and thank you so much for offering to beat up anyone i choose.

my list is in the mail.

i'll keep my end of the deal, and visit you ever sunday until you've served your full sentence...

10:37 PM  

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