Bloggers In The Wild

Which is not to be confused with Bloggers Gone Wild; that comes later, when we all decide to take a group vacation to Cabo and end up appearing in videos sold on late-night TV that feature us incrementally selling our dignity for plastic beads while shaming our parents and besmirching our good names in a tequila-soaked whirl of hard-partying and shouted "WOOOOO!!!"'s.

Ha, ha, just kidding; like any of us have dignity!

Anyhoo, because blogging about a gathering of bloggers is about as self-referential and masturbatory as one can get without actually talking about yourself while masturbating, I'll keep this brief...

A Little Bit About Last Night's Blogger Happy Hour, Then We Can All Get On With Our Lives:

NOTE: This is being thrown together at 4am because I can't sleep and I'm still a little brain-swimmy from the earlier liquor, as well as the liquor I had when I got home. If this doesn't make any sense or is unbelievably retarded (as I fear it might be), then those are the reasons. If it comes across as fantastic writing, then I totally meant it to be that way.

-First and foremost, at least in my mind, is that we got "shushed." A lot. We were the loud table, the bad kids, the group that you pray to whatever God you happen to enjoy isn't sitting next to you when you're looking for an after-work drink. At the bar we were at (the name of which my worthless memory has already deleted), there was a back yard and that's where we set up camp. Because this is Manhattan we're talking about, there were apartments rising up all around us and, apparently, the people living in said apartments have a bit of an itchy trigger finger when it comes to calling the cops on the bar's noisy patrons. So, because we were the largest group in the courtyard, we were repeatedly told to keep it down by the Hostess, whom I'm pretty sure would have shot us down in cold blood without even blinking had she a shotgun. I'll grant you that we probably were being loud; however, we were at a bar. And not a quiet, Tom Waits-y bar either; a fairly hoppin' bar with lots of other people and healthy amount of noise in and of it's self. I doubt we were being louder than anyone else, so I'm just going to assume that the Hostess was picking on us because she was jealous at how awesome we all were. Well, Hostess, in the words of Gretchen Wiener, "YOU CAN'T SIT WITH US!!!"

-I drank Jack all night, exclusively, because it was cheaper than the fancypants, mirco-imported, made by virgins and blessed by a team of priests and rabbis, beer that this place offered. No Coors Light there, for damn sure. Whatever, though; whiskey isn't a bad alternative and I'm hoping that my drinking it made me look like a total cowboy-flavored stud to all who were there. Helping my cause: The ten-gallon hat and spurs. Also, I was on horseback.

-There was this couple sitting near our table, a late-40's early businessman type and a young, hipsterish girl, who we think were either the best Craigslist date ever, or the most awkward gathering of co-workers that's ever happened in the history of the phrase, "Hey, let's all get a drink at quittin' time." My money's on the former, but only because I've already planned out their wedding in my head.

-Not all who were invited could make it, but a lot more people came than I thought actually would and that was really cool. Everyone I met was witty, attractive, pleasant-smelling and as generally entertaining in person as they are in their own words. Except for me, of course; I told all present up front that I'd "kick 'em in the face for lookin' at me weird," and then I got sloppy drunk, hit on all the lady-bloggers (as well as some of the cuter boy-bloggers; S'up Beehive), and capped off the evening by stealing everyone's wallet. While I may have blown a lot of chances at making some new friends, I do have a ton of new credit cards to hit eBay with as compensation.