Thursday, July 05, 2007

The Interviewee

So here's what sucks...

Despite all the ego-laced bluster that I splash around this blog, I'd kind of assumed going in that nobody really would want to take the time to participate in my Celebrity Interview Experiment. As serious as I am about it, and as much as I personally think it's going to be a hilarious time for both the participants and the readers, I didn't really expect anyone else to feel the same way. So imagine my surprise when, ten hours later, I've got a whole heapin' helpin' of great people whom I'd be absolutely bughouse to interview... all of you, for a variety of reasons, are bang square what I'm looking for and what sucks is that I can't interview all of you immediately, if not sooner.

Know this, though: If you're all willing, I'd love to do you in the future (if you know what I mean, wink!).

Scotty... Dude, I've known you since forever and you're a guaranteed salty, sports-filled conversation.

Andrew Ridgely... I can't believe your not dead! You must be so pissed that George Michael gets loads of press every time he smokes a joint and the entire world's population thinks that you're probably working in a bar somewhere. And that's if they think of you at all. Which they don't.

Mr. Shain... I'd like to have the chance to call you a few more names, if that's alright.

Sally Tomato... Holy shit, you've been to Space Camp?!?! Girl, we've got so much to talk about, it's like we're already eating freeze-dried ice cream.

Stewpid... You've already been awarded Best Commenter awards by, like, all the other commenters. I can only assume that kind of prowess lends itself to interviews as well.

Blythe... Oh it will be you. Just you wait, Oklahoma. Just you wait.

Ross... I don't know you, but I just checked your blog and you and I are going to have ourselves a religion talk, if that's okay with you. Maybe you can school this Godless fuck in the ways of holy stuff.

Threetoedsloth... No joke, you were one of the first blogs I started reading after my initial discovery of the whole "blogging" concept. You're basically the Obi-Wan to my Luke, if I may use a nerdy analogy.

Beehive... You were the first blogger I met in person. And it was magic.

David... I make no promises about not sexually harrassing you, but I will show you the best places in the city for to take a leak.

But in the end, the Celebrity Interview Experiment had to have it's first interviewee/victim and, after much careful consideration and a few belts of stiff liquor, my decision was made:

Midwestern Gal, C'mon Down!!!

Midwestern Gal was chosen for a few reasons and, because I like to invite people into my "process" (which is what many doctors call "mental illness"), here's what those reasons were:

She lives in NYC - While that's not going to matter normally, I decided that I want my inaugural interview to be a face-to-face type of affair. To help with the rapport, you see.

I've met her a couple of times, but am not so familiar with her that the interview will devolve into inside jokes and overt chumminess - I initially was going to ask my longtime companion and frequent ZFS! contributor Braden to be my test subject, but then I realized that that would just be too easy. Also, and this is important, the times MG and I have met, we were able to slip quite easily into a conversation without the aide of flash cards and/or a third party to go, "Midwestern Gal, doesn't C-dog look handsome in that shirt. Tell him he looks handsome. C-dog, say 'Thank you.'"

She was the first person to reply to the post - That was what one would call the "deciding factor," especially after I couldn't pick one person out of the whole bunch of extremely worthy choices.

It looks like we'll be meeting early next week and, once it's all transcribed and edited to make it sound like I know stuff, it'll be served up here. Hot and saucy; Texas-style. And also, Midwestern-style.

Thanks again to everyone! Y'all rock out with your respective and, in some cases, metaphorical cocks out!!!


Anonymous Andrew Ridgely said...


Always the bridesmaid.....

9:48 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

WOW! What an honor...sniff, sniff.

God, now I'm going to have to spend all weekend reviewing all my mensa quizes from past collected issues of American Way magazine to prep for this.

I'm getting nervous already.

9:58 AM  
Anonymous David said...

Damn You CLINT *shakes fist in the air*, but I will have the last laugh as I got you to order Robot Jox, Muwahahahahaha.

10:03 AM  
Blogger Irish and Jew said...

interview sminterview, did you get the margarator??!!


10:16 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Andrew Ridgley... Dude, I'm sure they've got a home for you SOMEWHERE on VH1.

Gal Gotham... No need to be nervous. Though this interview does count for more than your SATs.

David... We'll see who has the last laugh... I plan on watching Robot Jox while drunk!

10:16 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

The Margarator is on layaway.

10:17 AM  
Blogger stewpid said...

oh, awesome! I have always wanted to know more about MG. I hope you'll get all Barbara Walters on her ass and make her cry. Somehow I get the feeling the Andrew Ridgeley interview would've been one big long strangling sob, y'know? No, offense, AR, mate! Luvs ya!

10:33 AM  
Anonymous preston said...

I maked stinky bahind the tevee. ware's mommy?

10:35 AM  
Anonymous Scott H. said...

I'm yours!!!

... and you can interview me too!

10:42 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

make her cry

Yeah, I'm already preparing for that. I think by the end we'll both be in childhood was an absolute mess.

You'll love it.

10:58 AM  
Anonymous Britney Spears said...

Anyone see Sean Preston, y'all?

12:13 PM  
Blogger Ross said...

Cool! Religion talks with godless fucks are the best!

I will school you in the ways of our Lord God Almighty (not Evan...or even Bruce Almighty).

12:46 PM  
Anonymous angelina said...

Is the little one just retarded or is he ethnic? I might be interested. Call me?

3:18 PM  

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