Friday, July 13, 2007

My Ex-Girlfriends

Peggy Sue - Loved her with a love so rare and true. Sadly, she died in a plane crash with the Big Bopper and Ritchie Valens.

Allison - It was all over when she let that little friend of mine take off her party dress.

Mandy - She came and she gave with out taking, I'll give her that.

Beth - Always with the calling me. It's like, I hear you calling but I can't come home right now. Jeez... take the hint.

Darling Nikki - Total whore.

Roxanne - An actual whore.

Runaround Sue - Whorish, but in a wholesome, 50's-ish sort of way.

Sloopy - It was good for a while, but she just couldn't hang on.

Billie Jean - She's not, nor has she ever been, my lover. Don't know why she's on this list.

Rio - Last I saw her, she was dancing on the sand. She really showed me all she could, if you know what I mean?

Maggie May - Horrible. She wrecked my bed, kicked me, and that was all after she'd lured me away from home. Never get involved with an older woman.

Jenny - Phone number was always busy.


Blogger threetoedsloth said...

What about Brandy? She was a fine girl. What a good wife she would be! But your life, your love, and your lady was the sea.

3:13 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Or what about Cecilia?

She was always breaking my heart, making me get down on my knees, to beg her please, to come home.

And don't even get me started on Mary Lou. Every time she'd say hello, I would have a heart attack.

3:30 PM  
Blogger Alienwhere said...

I don't like to name names, but I had a Girlfriend In A Coma that I was quite fond of, but there were times that I could have murdered her. So I understand.

3:44 PM  
Anonymous girlfriend said...

threetoedsloth....By god, Brandy has to be my favorite song! With gusto!

Clint, you could also add to the list the men you "experimented" with. Remember when you asked Johnny if he were queer, or when you asked Bill to marry you?

3:44 PM  
Anonymous playing ugly said...

Oh Clinton you're so fine, you're so fine you blow my mind - Hey Clinton! Hey Clinton!

4:09 PM  
Anonymous David said...

Well that explains a lot about you Clint. You dated my first wife Runaround Sue. If you thought Roxanne was a total whore RS must not have been totally honest with you because she makes Whores look like innocent little Brownies.

4:33 PM  
Blogger Braden said...

Remember Mona? Freshman year you thought she was warm and real, but by graduation we all knew she was just a cold and lonely lovely work of art.

6:14 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Sloth... Turns out, she was just into me because I brought her silver from the North of Spain.

Big Daddy... Those sound like some rough ladies!

Alienwhere... Oh, I hear ya! Did you ever ask her to please, please, please let you get what you want?

Girlfriend... I thought we were going to keep my involvement with all the young dudes between us...

Playing Ugly... Shoot, I knows it. Also, I'm wearing a cheerleader outfit.

David... Whoa, easy there, tiger. I hope for your sake that you're only speaking in jest.

Braden... Word. Bitch only smiled to tempt a lover. Well, that and to hide a broken heart.

9:44 AM  
Anonymous Scott H. said...

Right before Peggy Sue wasn't there Donna? I'm since she left you, you've never been the same!

6:01 PM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

Wow, halfway through that list I was thinking to myself "please, dear god, let Jenny at 867-5309 please show up on this list".

p.s. Whatever happened with you and Jesse's girl? Why can't I find a woman like that?

11:17 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...


I finally got the 'marry me Bill' reference!

5:56 PM  

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