X-Rated
Remember the other day, when I decided that I was Australian? Yeah, I was just goofing around when I said that then and I didn't really mean it. Now, though... oh, now... thing are very different. I want badly to be Australian. It's a desire that burns within me like I swallowed a healthy chunk of the Sun.
Why?
Because Australia now has x-rated car washes.
Oooooh yeeeeaaaaah. It's a Cinemax movie sprung to life, but with sex-rageous accents!!! So I'm booking my flight today and you can expect to never hear from me again. Although I don't, you know, technically, have a car... not going to lie, that could be a problem. Maybe I can get them to just x-ratedly wash my clothes or something.
Anyway, with that in mind, here are some other jobs that I feel should be X-rated:
Baker - Unsanitary? Yes. But with all that frosting lying about, the possibilities are endless.
Astronaut - Naked, weightless doin' it is the last frontier of x-ratedness.
Politician - As long as the politician is attractive, of course. No one wants to see, say, Mitt Romney naked. Even Mrs. Romney.
Banker - Rolling around all sexy-like with someone can only be improved by doing said rolling around on a big pile of 100$ bills.
Police Officer - The arm of the law isn't the only thing that's long! Hi-oh!!!
Liquor Store Clerk - It would make a good thing even better, much like the adding of bacon to cheese.
Invoice Inputter - Hello, ladies!!!
Porn Star - Yes, being a porn star is already an x-rated job. However, you can never have something that's too x-rated. What I'm trying to say is that porn stars should try harder.
Why?
Because Australia now has x-rated car washes.
Oooooh yeeeeaaaaah. It's a Cinemax movie sprung to life, but with sex-rageous accents!!! So I'm booking my flight today and you can expect to never hear from me again. Although I don't, you know, technically, have a car... not going to lie, that could be a problem. Maybe I can get them to just x-ratedly wash my clothes or something.
Anyway, with that in mind, here are some other jobs that I feel should be X-rated:
Baker - Unsanitary? Yes. But with all that frosting lying about, the possibilities are endless.
Astronaut - Naked, weightless doin' it is the last frontier of x-ratedness.
Politician - As long as the politician is attractive, of course. No one wants to see, say, Mitt Romney naked. Even Mrs. Romney.
Banker - Rolling around all sexy-like with someone can only be improved by doing said rolling around on a big pile of 100$ bills.
Police Officer - The arm of the law isn't the only thing that's long! Hi-oh!!!
Liquor Store Clerk - It would make a good thing even better, much like the adding of bacon to cheese.
Invoice Inputter - Hello, ladies!!!
Porn Star - Yes, being a porn star is already an x-rated job. However, you can never have something that's too x-rated. What I'm trying to say is that porn stars should try harder.
posted by Clinton at 8:34 AM
16 Comments:
Or just live the life of is El Boring Boringson. Have you read his autobiography? Im sweating just thinking about it.
You don't have to tell me. It's so hot, you've got wear oven mitts while reading it.
How about X rated librarians?
I cannot support X-rated librarians, but only because my mother is a librarian and therefore it would be weird. And gross.
Hmm, I don't think I ever sort of knew someone whose mom was a librarian.
Well now you do. Today, you are a man.
X-rated trampoline testers! An idea whose time has come...so to speak.
I like how they have 2 types of car washes. One with a lap dance for extra! I wonder if they wax...
There's so much that can go wrong here. It's a stand up comedian's dream come true.
How about x-rated Starbucks baristas?
Although I would hope that they would still be allowed to wear their aprons because accidentally pouring espresso/steamed milk on my boobs sounds like torture. So, keep the aprons but lose the rest of the clothes.
And x-rated female Fox News anchors. Since the channel is already evil, making the hot women take their clothes off while they spread their filthy lies would simply be a matter of justice being served. Because it would pretty much guarantee that Fox News viewers would finally stop listening to all of the crap that those ditzy anchors spew.
X-rated flight attendants could also be fun.
Jonathan... See, the thing that suck about the lapdance is you'd obviously have to get out of your car. Unless they're REALLY limber.
Katie... Yeah, naked Starbucks baristas, while defintitely a way to perk up the morning coffee run, is probably a bad idea. With you on the news anchors, though. I'd be the most informed person ever, were that the case.
Naked professional volleyball players
Or Co-Ed naked Twister
Yes to the first, no to the second, but only because it's not an actual profession. Unless I've been grossly misinformed about the importance of Twister in our society.
clinton; you don't have to be australian, just move to north carolina. they have one xxx car was that i know of.
They already have x-rated news. I don't think it comes with basic cable though.
http://www.nakednews.com/
Thanks Irene! I thought they already had naked news but I honestly couldn't remember if that was just a skit I'd seen on Comedy Central or if it did, in fact, exist.
And I was too lazy to google it.
I wonder if they do naked on-the-spot reporting because that would be awesome.
D... Who knew that North Carolinians were so cool?
Irene... Heh. Awesome.
Katie... Again, all of this really makes me interested in current events all of a sudden.
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