Friday, August 07, 2009

Eat Me


WHAT NOW, MOTHERFUCKERS?!?!
That's right! I got my own salsa up in here. TEXAS salsa, it should be noted, because I'm from Texas and I live in Texas and when you slit open my Texas veins, out pours a rich, hearty slurry of tomatoes and onion and jalapeno and garlic known as SALSA!!! So when you buy my salsa, know that you are drinking of my blood, much like Jesus.
I AM JESUS TO YOU NOW, BUT MUCHO CALIENTE!!!
Clint's Texas Salsa is spicy, my bitches. So very spicy. Eat one chip-ful and you'll think, "My, but there is some flavorful heat in this tasty salsa." Eat another chip-ful AND YOUR HEAD WILL EXPLODE!!! KER-SPLOOSH!!! Brains and salsa mixed together and splattered on the wall like a toddler's flung dinner.
Satan himself said my salsa made his butthole hurt for a week! It's true, prove it's not, you can't because you don't have Satan's cellphone number. I AM IN LEAGUE WITH SATAN AND HE LOVES MY SALSA!!!
My salsa retails for $6.66 because it is devilish!
BE WARNED: Only buy one jar of my salsa at a time. If you buy two jars, you will be arrested by the police for carrying a deadly weapon with intent to make nachos. Buy three jars and you will be thrown in a secret jail by the CIA because you're now a TERRORIST!!!
MY SALSA HATES AMERICA AND FREEDOM!!!
Clint's Texas Salsa... it will steal your motherfucking soul!!!"
That's our new slogan. It's 100% factual. My salsa is supernatural, you fucking freak. The secret ingredient IS FROM BEYOND THE GRAVE!!! The other secret ingredient is love.
Enjoy, won't you? (no, you won't... you'll be dead from salsawesomeness!)

4 Comments:

Blogger Daniel said...

You need to make T-shirts to let the wider public know of your salsawsomeness.

I'm glad you're back in the game Sir Clint.

6:53 AM  
Anonymous a. badgah said...

Your salsa tastes very hostile. It hurt my feelings.

1:08 AM  
Blogger TFKoP said...

Salsawsomeness! haha!

9:35 PM  
Blogger TFKoP said...

Salsawsomeness! haha!

9:35 PM  

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