Monday, July 20, 2009

Screaming Junior High Death Eagle of Death

This terrifying fucker was painted on one wall of the junior high gym where my stepbrother was playing a basketball game. Like... I get why it's there... the school's mascot is the eagle, clearly, and this is meant to be all, "We're big and strong and will tear you apart with our razor-sharp talons, GO TEAM," but c'mon. There's fronting for the sake of school spirit and then there's the kind of overkill that leaves both teams too scared to come out of their respective locker rooms. The must have to constantly be mopping up the fear-pee during regular season matches.

And I had taken on a few strong margaritas before I rolled up to the gym, so you can imagine how intense the whole experience was for me. This scary-ass bird combined with the squeaking of all those sneakers on a hardwood floor. Living nightmare, man. I could barely hold the camera straight, my hands were shaking so bad.

That might have been from the booze, though.

Nah, it was the eagle. That thing wanted to kill me bad, I could tell.

NOTE: The horror was mitigated slightly by the fact that the eagle has a clock where his eagle dong should be. His eagle dong let me know when I could get the fuck out of there! Thanks, eagle dong!!!


Blogger lacochran said...

That clock placement is too funny. And, yes, that eagle is way scarier than it needs to be. That's how I always felt about Chuck Jones cartoons, too. Scary and mean.

8:52 AM  
Blogger Digital Fortress said...

The "Y" to the left of the eagle encapsulates everything. Why indeed creepy junior high death eagle...why indeed.

5:55 PM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

That Eagle does strike fear into clocks everywhere ...

9:01 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Speaking as someone who has seen the above said fear-pee inducing eagle almost every day for the last two years, I have to say it, by far isn't the scariest decoration to adorn a campus.
Now an unnecicarily large church bell tower- the kind that looms over the quad in the morning like an imending attack from some holy being as punishment for having to much fun when you should have been doing something useful with you time... that my freind is horrifing.

So, Eagle of Death? Just overly grusome to distract from the fact that the basketball team sucks.
But Church Bell Tower of Doom? Fuck-you-up terrifing.

11:31 AM  
Blogger Ross said...

Although the idea that the clock is placed where his dong should be, note that birds don't have dongs. They've got cloacas. Look up the wiki. It's pretty fucked up and you'll never think of bird shit in the same way again.

3:29 AM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home