Monday, June 01, 2009

MTV Movie Awards or Celebrity Halloween?

Jonah Hill as...



...a job applicant desperately praying that his resume and charming personality will make up for the fact that he's clearly too fat for his pants to handle both his gut AND tucking in.

Megan Fox as...



... En Vogue's smash hit, "My Lovin' (You're Never Gonna Get It)."

Miranda Cosgrove as...



...a black hole made of tackiness swallowing whole a shipment of Bedazzler refills.

Christian Siriano as...



...a negative stereotype.

Two cast members from Twilight as...



...that cool couple from down the hall that always knew about the hot bands months before anyone else, threw parties where Johnny Depp would make a surprise visit, and who you used to envy until the guy died of a heroin overdose and the girl moved back to Iowa to work at a Dollar General and have her dead boyfriend's baby.

Vanessa Hudgens as...



...an bag of wet hair that fell into an Orange Julius on it's way to get tested for Hepatitis.

Zachary Quinto as...



...not your average substitute teacher. He's the cooool sub who let's you call him Greg and talks about Thai food like he invented it yesterday.

Ryan Reynolds and Sandra Bullock as...



...a small, white placard that reads, "We are far to old for this MTV shit, but we have a movie to promote, so... you know... come see The Proposal, opening June 19th!"

Rumer Willis as...



...a stained-glass window with a jawline that could withstand a punch from Sugar Shane Mosely.

Cameron Diaz as...



...Heath Ledger as "The Joker."

8 Comments:

Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

Wow, I know who so few of these people are. Makes me feel old like Sandra Bullock.

12:18 PM  
Blogger jason quinones said...

quite the line up mtv.

anyone over the age of or with an IQ higher than 21 would not give a shit about any of these assclowns.

(well ok...maybe i give a crap about the fat guy.)

cameron diaz trolls the mtv crowd looking for drunken jailbait pity fucks.

12:40 PM  
Blogger The Imaginary Reviewer said...

Awesome. Spot on in every way.

1:54 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Jonah Hill bugs me.

3:18 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Brooklyn... No joke. I went through over a hundred pictures to find fifteen or so that were of people I'd heard of. Half of that number was taken up by people on The Hills, which I refuse to acknowledge as a thing.

Imaginary... Why thank you!

Jason, Big Daddy... I'm kind of on the fence about Jonah Hill. I thought his SNL episode was great, but I'm kind of getting tired of him in movies, as he only ever plays that one Superbad-y version of himself. I like a little range in my fat actors.

6:34 PM  
Blogger william said...

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7:16 AM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

Cameron Diaz as "Heath Ledger as the joker" -- Thats wrong. She is a beautiful woman.... okay, but I still totally get it.... its still wrong, but is kind of funny

10:26 PM  
Blogger Chris Lamont said...

After your comment about Rumer Willis I can't help thinking about which of your line up I'd most like to punch in the face. Jonah Hill looks the least ready to defend himself. I wouldn't even start on Willis for fear of breaking my hand.

11:04 AM  

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