Monday, May 25, 2009


Guys and Gals of Our Nation's Armed Forces...
We're supposed to remember you good folks today, but I bet a lot of people will forget. Beaches and backyard cook-outs can be really distracting... especially if there's beer... so I guess you can't really blame them. Besides, who likes thinking about war and death on a three-day weekend?
Me... I do. So, to that end, let me say this:
Sorry you all have to be out in the shitty desert with a bunch of people trying to kill you and whatnot. That sucks. But, seriously, thanks for doing it so I don't have to. I am doughy and weak and basically a vagina who's only contribution to society is a working knowledge of horror film minutia. If it were up to me to defend this country, we'd all be speaking German by now.
Are we still fighting the Germans? I don't really watch the news, as the news is so rarely ever porn.
Anyway, again, thanks for taking one (many) for the team (me). At least you get cool guns.
P.S. If you let me shoot one of your guns at a paper target, or even at a political prisoner, that would be SO awesome. I'm a pretty good shot on Halo. I think the principles are basically the same.
P.P.S. What with being in the desert and all, do you find that a lot of sand gets in your butthole? Just curious.
NOTE: When World War III happens, remember who was nice enough to say pleasant things about you on the internet even though I totally didn't have to. Really, I was going to post something about how farts are hilarious, but then I decided at the last minute to give a shout out to the military. So... you know... save me first when the bombs start falling. I will make it worth your while. *wink*


Anonymous Sour Swinger said...

From one blogger to another and from one deployed soldier to a zombie civilian. Thanx for your comical appreciation.

Oh and our buttholes stay rather sandless. However our noses are a different story. Within one week of being in the desert you'll become a nose picker for sure. After a sandstorm, shit your blow out black...something...for the next 24 hours. :D

12:14 PM  
Blogger Cray said...

*sniff* ....and the hoooome of the....brave!

12:31 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Sour Swinger... Ah, see, that's the kind of info you can't get on CNN. Love it. I mean, that's gross and it sucks for your guys... obviously... but still. Knowing that actually pisses me off a little bit because, like, not only do you have to worry about the BIG stuff... bombs, snipers, warfare in general, but you've ALSO got to deal with black snot. How demoralizing.

Anyway, again, you have my thanks and support, for what it's worth. (it is worth very little)

Cray... Salute when you sing that, brother.

10:20 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home