Friday Morning Hodgepodge
So, first things firsties, sorry things have been a little light around here this week. I know you expect your beloved C-dog to "ABP" (Always Be Posting) like I'm some sort of totally sexy machine or something. But sometimes... not often, mind you, but SOMETIMES... this old fat-clogged heart of mine just isn't into it. Why? Eh, I don't know. In this case, it's not one particular thing. Got a lot of shit on my mind, guess you could say, and trust me: None of it would make for interesting blog fodder. Remember my whiny birthday post from a couple of weeks ago? Remember how it made you want to stab yourself in the eye with your mom's hot curling iron? Yeah, well, there you go.
But whatever... you guys know me. I never stay down for long. I'm going to keep churning out the Olympics Pictorials for sure, and I'll post whatever else farts into my brain that I think you'd be interested in, and then... soon enough... you'll look around and it will be like I never left at all. And by that I mean, I'll have taken up residence on your couch and eaten all of your Cheez-Its, but, like, metaphorically or whatever.
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One good thing tap-dancing through my life at the moment: I GOTS MY SWEET ASS A NEW COMPUTER!!! Well actually, my folks got it for me, for the aforementioned birthday. It's a laptop, it's totally attractive in a girl-at-the-record-shop kind of way, and... get this... it's got a WEBCAM! Check it out:
Ha! Couldn't you just SHIT??? I can take pictures of myself in my office all fucking day long!!! It's like I've died and gone to narcissist heaven. What's even cooler is that it's this special kind of camera where, if you think really hard about what you love most in the world, it'll show up in the picture imprinted on the shirt you're wearing like fucking outer space magic. Nobel Prize-winning scientists saw my computer the other day and died INSTANTLY from their brains blowing out their skulls and ricocheting into the alley outside our living room. Then a bunch of stray cats ate their brains. It was gross.
But anyway, NEW COMPUTER!
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Fuck man, what else... oh, I think we're going to try to catch that Mirrors flick this weekend. It's either going to be really awesome-nasty, or really lousy-nasty. I mean, I fucking KNOW it will be nasty because it's directed by the same French dude who did Haute Tension and the Hills Have Eyes remake and those movies were like dunking your head into a bucket of slaughterhouse run-off and also the bucket is made from A HUMAN SKULL!!! So yeah, a splattery time, good or otherwise, is in the works. Plus, Kiefer Sutherland. Oh and did you guys see that preview where the chick from Road Trip starts to rip her jaw off??? I nearly peed my pants watching THAT and they cut away before anything even happened. That part's going to fuck me up for life, I can already tell. Because, seriously, ouch.
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Suppose that's it for now. Time to take some more pictures of myself and really focus on my feelings. Maybe have a good cry, then a perhaps a nice, healthy rage dump (because pooping angry is the best kind of pooping, other than pooping drunk) (pooping drunk is only good if you're actually sitting ON the toilet; otherwise, it's a messy heartache). Take care, be good, and I'll post another Olympics thing real fucking soon. Promise on the Baby Jesus.
But whatever... you guys know me. I never stay down for long. I'm going to keep churning out the Olympics Pictorials for sure, and I'll post whatever else farts into my brain that I think you'd be interested in, and then... soon enough... you'll look around and it will be like I never left at all. And by that I mean, I'll have taken up residence on your couch and eaten all of your Cheez-Its, but, like, metaphorically or whatever.
-----------------------------------------------------
One good thing tap-dancing through my life at the moment: I GOTS MY SWEET ASS A NEW COMPUTER!!! Well actually, my folks got it for me, for the aforementioned birthday. It's a laptop, it's totally attractive in a girl-at-the-record-shop kind of way, and... get this... it's got a WEBCAM! Check it out:
Ha! Couldn't you just SHIT??? I can take pictures of myself in my office all fucking day long!!! It's like I've died and gone to narcissist heaven. What's even cooler is that it's this special kind of camera where, if you think really hard about what you love most in the world, it'll show up in the picture imprinted on the shirt you're wearing like fucking outer space magic. Nobel Prize-winning scientists saw my computer the other day and died INSTANTLY from their brains blowing out their skulls and ricocheting into the alley outside our living room. Then a bunch of stray cats ate their brains. It was gross.
But anyway, NEW COMPUTER!
-----------------------------------------------------
Fuck man, what else... oh, I think we're going to try to catch that Mirrors flick this weekend. It's either going to be really awesome-nasty, or really lousy-nasty. I mean, I fucking KNOW it will be nasty because it's directed by the same French dude who did Haute Tension and the Hills Have Eyes remake and those movies were like dunking your head into a bucket of slaughterhouse run-off and also the bucket is made from A HUMAN SKULL!!! So yeah, a splattery time, good or otherwise, is in the works. Plus, Kiefer Sutherland. Oh and did you guys see that preview where the chick from Road Trip starts to rip her jaw off??? I nearly peed my pants watching THAT and they cut away before anything even happened. That part's going to fuck me up for life, I can already tell. Because, seriously, ouch.
-----------------------------------------------------
Suppose that's it for now. Time to take some more pictures of myself and really focus on my feelings. Maybe have a good cry, then a perhaps a nice, healthy rage dump (because pooping angry is the best kind of pooping, other than pooping drunk) (pooping drunk is only good if you're actually sitting ON the toilet; otherwise, it's a messy heartache). Take care, be good, and I'll post another Olympics thing real fucking soon. Promise on the Baby Jesus.
posted by Clinton at 12:28 AM
4 Comments:
I need a good angry poop right now.
I feel ya, C-Dogg.
For the past few days, all I've been able to write about is the oppressive heat. And blogging about the weather when you aren't the talking head from KATU? No bueno.
Doo not poop when you’re too angry. My son did that and ruptured blood vessels around his eyes. He looked like crap, like someone beat the shit out of him, or maybe more like someone dumped a load of bricks on him. Imagine getting two black eyes from trying to pass a turd.
I have to say, I never understood what was so fantastic about movies that fuck you up for life. However, Jack Bauer. Can't go wrong. :)
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