Monday, April 28, 2008

Monday Morning Hodgepodge

I usually only like to do the these posts on Fridays... they just seem to fit better there, and besides it's nice to have some semblance of order in a world of chaos, however small that order may be... but we're about to embark on a different sort of week here at ZFS! and, thus, up is down, black is white, God is an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow and the Hodgepodge is appearing on a Monday morning. What? Exactly. Alright, I suppose I should explain (all oblique Nightbreed references aside). Thing is, I'm going to be gone for the last half of the week, Thursday though Sunday. My cousin is getting married, see, and Girlfriend and I are heading down to Texas to watch it happen and to eat BBQ and drink free beer and wear a tuxedo (well, I'm going to wear a tuxedo, seeing as how I'm in the wedding). Anyway, after Wednesday and until Monday, posting will be sporadic, short, drunken, and filled with jokes about cattle. And yes... I know I said I'd never leave you, but you should have known by now that I'm a no-good liar who's incredibly handsome. Also, I've stolen all your wallets.

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My Weekend Viewing:

The Purple Rose of Cairo - A heartbreaking film about the escapism provided by a trip to the movies, as well as an exploration of fantasy-versus-reality and it's relation to love. And it's funny. Woody Allen has said numerous times that, of all the films he's made, this is favorite. For me, a life-long fan of the dude's offerings, it ranks in the top five (the other's being Manhattan, Annie Hall, Love & Death, and Stardust Memories). If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor. And, bonus, it clocks in at about 70 minutes, so it's not even that much of a commitment.

Dreamcatcher - Easily one of the most batshit crazy movies to ever be released by a major studio, it's also the closest anyone has ever come to creating a literal adaption of Stephen King's work. Not that that's a good thing; I love King's books (am reading one right now, actually), but his style is such that it really only works 100% on the page. When you put his dialogue in actor's mouths and you pepper a film with his go-to quirks, the end result ranges far beyond insanity. But it's still totally watchable in a lets-get-drunk-and-laugh-our-asses-off kinda way. To wit, this movie contains... psychic friends, British aliens, crazy army guys, lots of farting, exploded rectums, an alien trapped in a toilet, a magical retarded guy, the phrase "fuck me, Freddy" repeated endlessly, and, of course, ass-weasels. And it just keeps going and going and going. When you think the movie has reached the apex of it's ridiculousness, look up. You'll see new and exciting heights yet to come.

Hoodwinked! - Cute little animated movie that somehow manages to recall classic fairy tales, extreme sports competitions, and Akira Kurosawa's Rashomon. It's very clever and quite funny, but it's marred by some of the worst computer animation I've ever seen. Like, ever. Though it was released last year, it appears as if the directors of the film invented time travel and outsourced the visuals to 1996 for budgetary reasons. Still though, for kid-geared entertainment, you could do a lot worse. Way fucking better than Shrek, that's for sure.

Black Sheep - Not the Chris Farley/David Spade one. The one from New Zealand about killer sheep that eat people and can turn you into a sheep-zombie with one bite. And it's funny. Highly recommend if you like your horror with it's severed tongue planted firmly in cheek. Also, it's way gory, which is always appreciated. For those of you that care, the special effects were done by the same folks that did The Lord O' The Rings trilogy. Obviously, the effects aren't as good as the ones in those films ("low-budget" would be the name of the game). But what they lack in majesty, they more than make up in chewed-on penises and arterial spray.

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Every morning, I have to walk along side the mammoth monument to consumerism that is Macy's Department Store to get to my job. On rainy days (like today), I really appreciate the series of awnings that they have over their windows because they help me stay dry, seeing as how I'm invariably sans umbrella. What I don't understand, though, is the few people... and it's usually only one or two... who walk under the series of awnings while carrying a fully-opened and operational umbrella. I mean, I understand not wanting to get wet, but that seems to me a lot like wearing both a belt and a pair of suspenders. I guess my point is, I'm going to start pushing these people... these fraidy-cats... out into the rain to see if they melt. Or I might just push them into traffic because, let's face it, that would be a whole lot of fun too.

16 Comments:

Blogger jason quinones said...

macy's!! mall dentists!!

now that i know that we pretty much work in the same area i'm totally gonna be on the lookout for you and stalk you!


BWA-HA-HA-HA!!!

10:05 AM  
Blogger jason quinones said...

p.s.- please do the next ICFC in a tuxedo.

10:06 AM  
Blogger Midwesterner in NYC said...

I see people walking with open umbrellas on a sunny 70 degree day so who knows. And I mean in the morning or at dusk, so "protecting themselves from the sun" does not really work here.

10:23 AM  
Anonymous Just Asking said...

Is that your tux you are wearing in the photo? It looks as if it would be uncomfortably itchy.

10:28 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Jason... Creepy. And also, why is it only men that threaten to stalk me? Ladies, c'mon... you got to get in the game here. The stalking C-dog game, I mean.

Jason 2... No.

Midwesterner... Obviously they're vampires.

Just Asking... Um, that's a picture of a sheep. Doye.

10:30 AM  
Blogger Lioux said...

Great. Now my week is going to be all messed up. Today is going to to feel like a Friday. Tomorrow is going to feel like Saturday. At some point on Wednesday it's going to feel like a Tuesday. And then Thursday is going to feel like a Thursday, except you've taken the day off because of some Mystery Illness...

And the Friday will feel like a Monday and I might be able to get some actual work done.

10:46 AM  
Blogger jason quinones said...

clinton-"...why is it only men threaten to stalk me?

jason- would it satisfy your ego to know that i'll be stalking you in a blond wig,make -up and clear heels??

11:06 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Lioux... Sorry to mix you up so badly. I recommend just taking off the whole week and drinking alone in your apartment. That way, it won't MATTER what day it is.

Jason... As a man, that thought terrifies me. But as a fan of Dressed To Kill, I think it's fabulous!!! I've always thought of myself as the fat, male version of Angie Dickenson.

11:22 AM  
Blogger surviving myself said...

when the pushing begins, take pictures please.

Unless it's me - then please don't take one.

11:25 AM  
Blogger Lioux said...

Point taken, Clinton.

p.s.- please do the next ICFC®™©™ in a sheep costume.

11:38 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Surviving... Totally. I think it's going to look like Paul McCrane's character in Robocop after he got all the acid dumped on him.

Lioux... Why do all of you want me to do ICFC stuff while in *rented* outfits? Thems expensive and there's every chance in the world that I might puke.

2:10 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

I hate umbrellas. They make my life miserable.

Also: Is Lioux a Furry?

2:24 PM  
Blogger Lioux said...

Furby®™©™.

5:05 PM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

C-Dog, I want you to just be yourself when you do your next ICFCT, The only thing I want you to change is your position on Ketchup as a condiment, and admit Angelina Jolie is Super Hot.

7:11 AM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Todd.. I wouldn't go quite that far with regards to umbrellas. I just don't ever carry one because, when I do, I invariably leave it on the subway.

Lioux... You're stashed in the back of my little brother's closet?

Bill... NEVER!!!

8:38 AM  
Blogger palm tree said...

Dreamcatcher rocks my socks. You have excellent taste.

8:40 PM  

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