Monday Morning Hodgepodge

I usually only like to do the these posts on Fridays... they just seem to fit better there, and besides it's nice to have some semblance of order in a world of chaos, however small that order may be... but we're about to embark on a different sort of week here at ZFS! and, thus, up is down, black is white, God is an astronaut, Oz is over the rainbow and the Hodgepodge is appearing on a Monday morning. What? Exactly. Alright, I suppose I should explain (all oblique Nightbreed references aside). Thing is, I'm going to be gone for the last half of the week, Thursday though Sunday. My cousin is getting married, see, and Girlfriend and I are heading down to Texas to watch it happen and to eat BBQ and drink free beer and wear a tuxedo (well, I'm going to wear a tuxedo, seeing as how I'm in the wedding). Anyway, after Wednesday and until Monday, posting will be sporadic, short, drunken, and filled with jokes about cattle. And yes... I know I said I'd never leave you, but you should have known by now that I'm a no-good liar who's incredibly handsome. Also, I've stolen all your wallets.

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My Weekend Viewing:

The Purple Rose of Cairo - A heartbreaking film about the escapism provided by a trip to the movies, as well as an exploration of fantasy-versus-reality and it's relation to love. And it's funny. Woody Allen has said numerous times that, of all the films he's made, this is favorite. For me, a life-long fan of the dude's offerings, it ranks in the top five (the other's being Manhattan, Annie Hall, Love & Death, and Stardust Memories). If you haven't seen it, do yourself a favor. And, bonus, it clocks in at about 70 minutes, so it's not even that much of a commitment.

Dreamcatcher - Easily one of the most batshit crazy movies to ever be released by a major studio, it's also the closest anyone has ever come to creating a literal adaption of Stephen King's work. Not that that's a good thing; I love King's books (am reading one right now, actually), but his style is such that it really only works 100% on the page. When you put his dialogue in actor's mouths and you pepper a film with his go-to quirks, the end result ranges far beyond insanity. But it's still totally watchable in a lets-get-drunk-and-laugh-our-asses-off kinda way. To wit, this movie contains... psychic friends, British aliens, crazy army guys, lots of farting, exploded rectums, an alien trapped in a toilet, a magical retarded guy, the phrase "fuck me, Freddy" repeated endlessly, and, of course, ass-weasels. And it just keeps going and going and going. When you think the movie has reached the apex of it's ridiculousness, look up. You'll see new and exciting heights yet to come.

Hoodwinked! - Cute little animated movie that somehow manages to recall classic fairy tales, extreme sports competitions, and Akira Kurosawa's Rashomon. It's very clever and quite funny, but it's marred by some of the worst computer animation I've ever seen. Like, ever. Though it was released last year, it appears as if the directors of the film invented time travel and outsourced the visuals to 1996 for budgetary reasons. Still though, for kid-geared entertainment, you could do a lot worse. Way fucking better than Shrek, that's for sure.

Black Sheep - Not the Chris Farley/David Spade one. The one from New Zealand about killer sheep that eat people and can turn you into a sheep-zombie with one bite. And it's funny. Highly recommend if you like your horror with it's severed tongue planted firmly in cheek. Also, it's way gory, which is always appreciated. For those of you that care, the special effects were done by the same folks that did The Lord O' The Rings trilogy. Obviously, the effects aren't as good as the ones in those films ("low-budget" would be the name of the game). But what they lack in majesty, they more than make up in chewed-on penises and arterial spray.

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Every morning, I have to walk along side the mammoth monument to consumerism that is Macy's Department Store to get to my job. On rainy days (like today), I really appreciate the series of awnings that they have over their windows because they help me stay dry, seeing as how I'm invariably sans umbrella. What I don't understand, though, is the few people... and it's usually only one or two... who walk under the series of awnings while carrying a fully-opened and operational umbrella. I mean, I understand not wanting to get wet, but that seems to me a lot like wearing both a belt and a pair of suspenders. I guess my point is, I'm going to start pushing these people... these fraidy-cats... out into the rain to see if they melt. Or I might just push them into traffic because, let's face it, that would be a whole lot of fun too.