Andrew's Extra-Innings Solution

NOTE: This post is about baseball, for those of you that don't care. If it makes it easier to take, replace every reference to the game with one about me farting. Then it'll be just like every other ZFS! post and we'll all be happy. Me farting makes us all happy, is what I'm saying.

This morning, my boy Andrew and I were discussing last night's baseball games... specifically, the 22-inning marathon between the Padres and the Rockies... when an idea came up that I, personally, found so ground-breaking, so innovative, so... so... sparkly with imagination diamonds... that I had to share it with all of you. So, without further adieu, in his own words for the first time ever on ZFS!, A-dog:

In light of the 22 inning Rockies/Padres game last night (or should I say this morning?) and the 14 inning Mets/Nats game, I thought about the fact that Major League Baseball should re-think how extra inning games are played out. If you think about it, baseball is the only sport in which there is no definitive end to an overtime/extra inning game. Technically, a baseball game could last 5 hours, 10 hours, two days...even a week (it's possible!) if both teams keep failing to score in extra innings. I truly believe this is bad for the game, as not only is it a little bit overboard for the fans (22 innings, I mean really?) but it's hurting the players as well as there are only so many hitters and pitchers available on the bench and I guarantee those catchers were not happy about crouching for the entire game (my groin hurts just typing that). Should the Rockies really feel good about their win last night when they had to strike out pinch-hitter Glendon Rusch (a pitcher on the Padres) to end it? Oh, and to celebrate playing the longest game in 15 years, both teams had to board their planes in time for today's away game. You don't think the players would have LOVED to have gotten it over with hours earlier?

That being said, I have come up with a solution for Major League Baseball - HOME RUN DERBY!! That's right, the good ol' home run derby. Think about it - is there anything more exciting in the otherwise boring (sorry to all the European readers...do you have European readers C-Dog?) sports of hockey and soccer than the shootout at the end of regulation? You don't see them playing and playing until one team scores another goal, do you? No. In hockey they have one additional overtime period, sudden death, and if it's not settled there they go to the shootout. I propose that in the event of a tie game at 9 innings, the teams play one additional inning and, if either team fails to score or it remains tied, they go the HR derby.

The rules of the HR derby would be simple and similar to that of the All Star Game HR derby- each team picks 2 or 3 players (variance here people) and they have a pitching coach/bullpen coach pitching (if you want to call it that) to them. They'll have 10 pitches to hit as many homers as they can, and whichever team has more long balls after those 30 pitches wins. Tell me it wouldn't be thrilling to see a tied Yanks/Red Sox game come down to Manny vs. A-Rod after watching the previous 4 hitters swing to a draw? Mark Teixeira vs. Ryan Howard in a huge series finale with the NL East lead on the line? How bout it coming down to Prince Fielder vs. Big Papi in a battle of the behemoth sluggers?Most homers gets the victory and, in the latter case, unlimited Dunkin Donuts for the season. There are endless dream matchups that come to mind, but you get the picture.

I say Bud Selig gets to work on this and maybe, just maybe, it will take away from all the drug talk hovering over MLB and we won't have to endure any more painfully slow 7 hour 20 inning + marathons.

So there you have it. Baseball fans, your thoughts on the subject? Personally, I think it's a... wait for it... wait for it... HOME RUN!!! Goddamnit, I'm so fucking funny... home run... heh... (high fives self over and over and over and over...)