Friday, April 18, 2008

Andrew's Extra-Innings Solution

NOTE: This post is about baseball, for those of you that don't care. If it makes it easier to take, replace every reference to the game with one about me farting. Then it'll be just like every other ZFS! post and we'll all be happy. Me farting makes us all happy, is what I'm saying.

This morning, my boy Andrew and I were discussing last night's baseball games... specifically, the 22-inning marathon between the Padres and the Rockies... when an idea came up that I, personally, found so ground-breaking, so innovative, so... so... sparkly with imagination diamonds... that I had to share it with all of you. So, without further adieu, in his own words for the first time ever on ZFS!, A-dog:

In light of the 22 inning Rockies/Padres game last night (or should I say this morning?) and the 14 inning Mets/Nats game, I thought about the fact that Major League Baseball should re-think how extra inning games are played out. If you think about it, baseball is the only sport in which there is no definitive end to an overtime/extra inning game. Technically, a baseball game could last 5 hours, 10 hours, two days...even a week (it's possible!) if both teams keep failing to score in extra innings. I truly believe this is bad for the game, as not only is it a little bit overboard for the fans (22 innings, I mean really?) but it's hurting the players as well as there are only so many hitters and pitchers available on the bench and I guarantee those catchers were not happy about crouching for the entire game (my groin hurts just typing that). Should the Rockies really feel good about their win last night when they had to strike out pinch-hitter Glendon Rusch (a pitcher on the Padres) to end it? Oh, and to celebrate playing the longest game in 15 years, both teams had to board their planes in time for today's away game. You don't think the players would have LOVED to have gotten it over with hours earlier?

That being said, I have come up with a solution for Major League Baseball - HOME RUN DERBY!! That's right, the good ol' home run derby. Think about it - is there anything more exciting in the otherwise boring (sorry to all the European you have European readers C-Dog?) sports of hockey and soccer than the shootout at the end of regulation? You don't see them playing and playing until one team scores another goal, do you? No. In hockey they have one additional overtime period, sudden death, and if it's not settled there they go to the shootout. I propose that in the event of a tie game at 9 innings, the teams play one additional inning and, if either team fails to score or it remains tied, they go the HR derby.

The rules of the HR derby would be simple and similar to that of the All Star Game HR derby- each team picks 2 or 3 players (variance here people) and they have a pitching coach/bullpen coach pitching (if you want to call it that) to them. They'll have 10 pitches to hit as many homers as they can, and whichever team has more long balls after those 30 pitches wins. Tell me it wouldn't be thrilling to see a tied Yanks/Red Sox game come down to Manny vs. A-Rod after watching the previous 4 hitters swing to a draw? Mark Teixeira vs. Ryan Howard in a huge series finale with the NL East lead on the line? How bout it coming down to Prince Fielder vs. Big Papi in a battle of the behemoth sluggers?Most homers gets the victory and, in the latter case, unlimited Dunkin Donuts for the season. There are endless dream matchups that come to mind, but you get the picture.

I say Bud Selig gets to work on this and maybe, just maybe, it will take away from all the drug talk hovering over MLB and we won't have to endure any more painfully slow 7 hour 20 inning + marathons.

So there you have it. Baseball fans, your thoughts on the subject? Personally, I think it's a... wait for it... wait for it... HOME RUN!!! Goddamnit, I'm so fucking funny... home run... heh... (high fives self over and over and over and over...)


Anonymous Scott H. said...

Would I put it past Selig to approve such a monstrosity of an idea (All-Star game winner= Home-Field for WS)??? Absolutely not...

Warning: Baseball Traditionalist rant here...

Baseball is the only sport without a clock... thats the charm of it. I personally love the idea of "free baseball." I like the chess match between managers, I like Roger Clemens coming out of the bullpen in extra inning game and then even having to hit, I love the walk-off homerun (or double, sac-fly, even passed ball), the players rushing the field and meeting the hero at the plate, the stories of the 33 inning Triple-A game between Rochester and Pawtucket that had to be finished the next day...

That's part of baseballs charm... it moves at its own pace, dictated by the action on the field. No team loses simply because they ran out of time... just outs.

I like the shootout in regular season hockey but I couldn't imagine them doing it in the playoffs... it would cheapen everything.

Like I said... I'm a traditionalist... I dont deal well with change.

2:49 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

I hate change too, especially pennies. Pennies piss me the hell off.

I love the homerun derby idea though! That's fantastic!

3:16 PM  
Blogger Hex said...

Don't tell me you actually sat through that whole 22-inning mess when there was a killer double OT playoff hockey game happening on the other channel?

Becausxe if you did, perhaps it's time to stop eating weird chinese crabs.

3:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Well it's nice to know ZFS has at least one open-minded reader! And the fact that you agree with us most likely means you're good looking, with a mean sense of humor and washboard abs you could iron the button down shirt Clint-dog doesn't wear to work on!

Cubicle-Mate (and now Guest Blogger) Andrew

3:28 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Scott... You've got valid points, dude, no doubt. Andrew and I both know that there's no way this will actually come to fruition... personally, I just think it's an interesting theoritical exercise in which direction the game *could* go.

Todd... Fucking pennies all coppery and lame.

Hex... Er, um, I'm from Texas. We don't really *do* hockey down there. I mean, yes, we have a team but, you know, still.

Andrew... I could dress up for work if felt like it. I just choose not to.

3:39 PM  
Blogger Bill From Gainesville said...

Heres the problem as I see it: Absolutely fantastic Idea, however because you thought it up by comparing it to SOCCER? I.e. the shootout vs the Homerun derby, I have to hate it ... nothing personal, its just that I have an irrational thing about SOCCER and generally I am against it... they call it football in the other parts of the world Those BASTARDS!!!

5:53 PM  
Anonymous Just Suggesting said...

How about each team pick three players. They throw a special ball at each other around in the diamond thing they run around. Alternating players of course. The ball has a random timer of no more than ten minutes. When the ball reaches its randomly selected time it blows up. The team holding the ball looses.

6:16 PM  
Anonymous J. said...

I have to agree with Scott H. I can remember giving soccer a chance during the World Cup in 94 and the whole thing was decided by a shootout. I did not find it thrilling, I found it absurd. This was the biggest sporting event in the world, deciding which was the best team in the world in the most popular sport in the world and it was all decided based on what amounts to a coin toss. I think that baseball's differences are what make it great. There is no point in a baseball game where anyone can say definitively that one team has won or lost. The most important parts of the game can occur at any time, not just as the clock is running out.

7:39 PM  

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