Sunday, April 27, 2008


I've been thinking lately that maybe it's time that I start taking better care of myself. Since I left home at eighteen, I've pretty much lived my life as poorly as a person can without actually turning to hard street drugs (and don't think I haven't been tempted to do that a time or two) and I believe that, these days, I'm beginning to feel the cumulative effects of my well-documented excesses. I'm sick all the time, it seems like... always horking up nasty green creatures from other planets, always slightly scratchy in the throat, always tired and listless... and now my bones have begun to ache as well; my back, my feet, my neck, and so on. I'm nearly 28 years old and, more often than not, I feel like I'm 68.

This should not be. So, in an effort to turn things around, I've decided to start taking vitamins.

NOTE: If you're thinking to yourself, "Oh my god, C-dog, you don't take vitamins already? What's wrong with you???," I'd advise you to re-read the ZFS! archives and realize exactly what sort of person you're dealing with here. Then keep your yap shut about it because, seriously, doye.

I mean, yes, I know that taking vitamins won't suddenly make me all better and able to take on Kobe Bryant in a pick-up basketball game, but still... every journey begins with a single step, so they say, and this seems like as good a first one as any.

So, my question to you, my sexually provocative readers is this: What's a good, all-purpose, make-ya-strong vitamin for a guy like me (fat, liquored up, lively dancer) to take? I remember at one point being told by a fellow Whole Foods employee that their basic brand of one-a-day vitamins were the best on the market, but that could have just been propaganda. Anyone have a better idea?

Appreciate the help, kiddos. You're the meaning in my life; you're the inspir-aaaaa-tion!


Blogger Lioux said...



12:37 PM  
Blogger Braden said...

I would recommend Lioux's recommendation, if only because they taste dynamite--it's candy that my parents made me eat!

BUT--there's some doubt as to whether vitamin supplements really do anything at all for adults. I think the scientific consensus is that we get our nutrients from the food we eat, not vitamin supplements.

Which sucks, because the stuff that's best for you will never taste as good as the stuff that's horrible for you.

Borington Buzzkill

1:23 PM  
Blogger Lioux said...

The purple ones taste the best.

1:25 PM  
Anonymous JustinS said...

My wife makes me take the Men's Once Daily Multivitamin & Mineral Dietary Supplement from Trader Joe's. For some stupid reason, she apparently wants me to live past my 35th birthday.

I don't feel better/stronger/faster than I was before, my hair hasn't grown back in, and I don't have a nice sheen to my coat or anything.

But my pee is this fucking sweet unnatural fluorescent color for the threeish hours after I pop one, making them totally worth the price of admission. I just wish I lived somewhere where it snowed more frequently...

2:06 PM  
Blogger DrunkBrunch said...

Doye, I second Lioux. I've been taking a children's multivitamin every morning for two years, and haven't been sick in more than a year.

I feel invincible!

2:39 PM  
Anonymous Just Saying said...

Beer, Pizza and weird Chinese food has all the nutrients you need. I heard there is a study coming out that says for every vitamin you take you loose 3 minutes and thirty nine seconds off you life.

5:49 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Lioux... I didn't know that adults could take those. I mean, I didn't think they'd kill us or anything, but it seems like... since they're for kids... they wouldn't really do anything for we older types. Especially we fatter grown-ups.

Braden... Bah! I'll start believing scientists when they finally come up with the hoverboard.

Lioux... If we're talking about Skittles, I'd say the red ones are superior. ARE we talking about Skittles?

Justin... See, that's something that I'd really enjoy. I get the same sort of thing after chugging a Rockstar energy drink. Pee all bright and shiny like the sun. Really makes me smile. Because I'm gross.

Drunkbrunch... Hmmm, perhaps those Braden's scientist friends are full of bunk. BUNK, I say!!!

Just Saying... I think you're lying so I'll die an early death. What are you plotting? Plotter!!!

6:35 PM  
Blogger Lioux said...


Tasting Rainbowsâ„  is AWESOME!!!

10:31 PM  
Anonymous Rachel said...

USANA HealthPak or Essentials are great. Pricey, but great. I take 'em every day.

You can find out more here. Good luck on your search!

1:32 PM  
Blogger Clinton said...

Thanks for the tip, yo. Pricey, sadly, doesn't really work with me and my broke ass, but I like where your heads at.

2:12 PM  
Blogger Todd said...

A Centrum/One-a-Day/Flinstones-type Multi-Vitamin is all you really need. Make sure you take it with food.

If you're feeling really ambitious, you can eat a yogurt daily for the "live and active cultures" that are good for your tummy and take fish-oil supplements for the fatty-acids you're probably not eating enough of. Make sure you get the enteric coated kind so you don't get fishy burps, and make sure they're guaranteed to be free of heavy metals, because those'll ruin your day.

2:34 PM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

I agree with the yogurt comment.

And try and limit processed foods.

Veggies, fruit and meat that haven't been shellacked and chemically modified will totally make you feel a difference.

7:13 PM  

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