Movies I Have Seen (Holiday Edition)

Really funny, but it kind of helps if you've seen Walk The Line. I mean, it's not mandatory exactly, but it's kind of like how it really helps to have seen a porno before you get down in the sack with a fine lady. Or a dude. Whatever your preference. Oh, speaking of... like, fair warning, but there's a couple of instances of very prominently displayed "man junk" in this movie. And not particularly good-looking, well-groomed man junk either. Regular guy man junk. Not that I'm an authority or anything; I couldn't tell you what really, technically qualifies as good or not-good man junk because I never really look at that sort of thing. I'm just saying that I'm totally straight and that if you're man-junk shy, then be prepared to avert your eyes a couple of times. Otherwise, peep away. Which I didn't do, because I'm sooooo straight, which I believe I mentioned. Anyway, like I said, it's a fairly large bundle of laughs (the movie, I mean...); for one thing, John C. Reilly quite simply works his ass off in the lead role. They don't give out Oscars for quality comedy work (or at least they do so with such rarity that it's barely worth mentioning), but if they did, well, Mr. Reilly would have a shiny gold statue for his bookshelf after this. I guess he'll have to settle for a Golden Globe. Which is kind of like settling for a bag of diarrhea at an all-u-can-eat buffet. Or something... Look, just check out Walk Hard if it's the kind of movie that you'd think you would like. Otherwise, don't worry about it.

This is pretty much the most non-conformist Hollywood blockbuster I've seen in many, many moons. To that end, and without giving away too much of the plot (because I'm not a total knob), I can say that the previews are misleading as to the content of said film. There's some action, yes, and there's more than a heapin' helpin' of weirdo zombie vampires, but... but... that's like a fourth of the movie. For the first hour or so, it's really just Will Smith cruising around an abandoned, post-apocalyptic New York, slowly-yet-unactorly going insane. It's really quite moving, to tell you the truth, and the flashbacks to how shit went down only make it more so. Which is not to say that I Am Legend isn't exciting or scary; it totally is. There's this one part that had me clenching so tight, I had to buy the UA Eastchase theater a new seat because I sucked part of the one I was sitting in up my butt. However, to be totally honest, I thought the movie lost a little bit of steam towards the end. It didn't totally fuck itself over like Haute Tension or Signs or anything, but you know... things got a little weak as it wound to a close. Whatever though, it's still all good. You should for sure check it out, because they don't make zombie movies where the baseline emotion is "sad" much, so it's cool to see it when they do. Oh... one other thing... when we went to see it, the theater had the title condensed on the sign (to save space, I guess) so it read, "I'm Legend." For some reason, their use of a contraction made me laugh. Could just be a "me" thing, though.

Cute flick. Nothing super-special, and I seem to be the only one in my family who thought it was worth anything, but I'd recommend checking it if for no other reason than to see Kevin Smith in a movie that's not of his own making. He gives a really funny, actually-sensitive performance in this and... now that I think about it... it's probably the only reason I liked Catch and Release at all. Take that as you will, I guess. Oh and for the record, Jennifer Garner does not get naked in the movie at any point. I kind of knew that going in, but you still hope that maybe something got past Mr. Skin and you're the first one to catch because, honestly, who'd watch this otherwise. But to no avail.

It's been well-established on this blog that I'm just a huge theater queen. As such, I tend to be pretty picky when it comes to screen adaptations of popular Broadway shows. For example, I thought the movie version of RENT was like Hollywood taking a time machine back to 1996 and pissing all over Jonathan Larson's grave. Though I do understand that some people thought it was okay. My point is, most movie versions of musicals suck. Sometimes though, they don't. Case in point: Tim Burton's Sweeney Todd. Guys, no joke, it's just so fucking good. I'm usually not a huge fan of Burton's; he strikes me as someone that I probably would have had no choice but to bully in High School. But when somebody puts on show like he does with this... well, there's nothing to do but bow and scrape and genuflect and do whatever else he wants. Even some cuddling. And let's not forget the gore! Oh yes... there is blood. Gouts of it, like burst fire hydrants even... it pours from people's necks like a fire hose that's shaken off the men controlling it, drenching all those in it's path. In other words, it's awesomely bloody and if that's what you dig, then look no further. Johnny Depp should also be mentioned, as he owns the part of Sweeney and, even all grotty-ed up and homicidal, he's absolutely dreamy. Overall, one of the best movies of the year. No doubt.