Monday, September 24, 2007

Right Now's Drink

Over the weekend, and through a byzantine series of events that I am unable to talk about for fear of retribution from the mob/the government/aliens/your dad/your dad's alien friend who is in the government's mob, I came into a free bottle of Gin. Good Gin, too... the kind in the green bottle with the red dot on it that looks like a wax seal... you know the one... it's got a name that's hard to spell and would be too much trouble to look up.

Anyway... so I've got this bottle of Gin and, to be honest, I'm a little wary to drink it. See, a few years ago, Gin and I had a little run-in. An altercation, as it were. In short, it kicked my ass, hard and mean, and it left me puking behind a dumpster outside an Outback Steakhouse in the Northridge section of Los Angeles. It was, to say the least, a memorable occasion. So memorable, in fact that since then, I have touched nary a drop of Gin. Not a single sip. None. Nada. For fear that my sense-memory would kick in and I'd start projectile vomiting, mostly. In much the same way that one tends to avoid cops once they've had their teeth knocked out with a nightstick, I've kept my distance from Gin for a good long while and that's been just fine.

Until a few days ago, when a bottle of the stuff, this hateful, brass-knuckled stuff, was almost literally dropped in my lap. And what was I to do... not drink it? Ha! Clearly you're unfamiliar with how it is that the C-dog rolls.

One thing I knew: I could not drink the stuff straight. That was the mistake I'd made the last time, and it was most likely the reason that the Gin had used my stomach as a trampoline to aide it's bounce back up my gullet and out into the open air for a spectacular rainbow-style dive onto the dirty Californian pavement. Well, you know, that and the fact that I drank an entire bottle of it by myself, in less than an hour. Look, it was a night of bad decisions, let's leave it at that.

So... what to do?

I scoured the internet, looking for drink recipes that were palatable to my gin-nervous mind, and that fit two criteria:

1) They weren't boring, like a Martini or a Gin and Tonic. Meh. Everyone drinks those and am I everyone? No! I'm C-dog, a man who craves drinks that are sold at a roadside stand along the Unbeaten Path to a mythical, wonderful, possibly enchanted place known simply and in hushed tones as, "Adventure."


2) They really had to require a bare minimum of work. Because while I enjoy blazing new trails and so forth, I'd like to do so without expending just a whole hell of a lot of energy.

After some light Googling, I hit upon the perfect cocktail. One that's bold, exciting, and isn't going to require a lot out of me or my wallet. This drink is, in fact, one of the best I've tasted in a long time and, as a matter of fact, I'm drinking one as I type this (Could you tell? What are you looking at? You want to fight me??? BRING IT OOWWN!!!). So what is it? Why, it's a...

Gin Rickey

What you need:

-Some Gin, preferably a good brand that you got for free

-One lime

-Some tonic water

-Ice, ice baby. Too cold!

-Actually, you can leave out the tired, cultural reference and just use regular, from-the-freezer ice.

How you make:

Take the lime, cut it in half, and juice the ever-lovin' fuck out of it until it can't be juiced no more. Take said juice and dump it into a rocks glass. Add two ice cubes. Next, take your Gin and pour some of it into the glass. How much? Dunno. Depends on how far gone you intend on getting. Let your conscience be your guide. Finally, fill the remainder of the glass (if there is any remainder) with tonic water, which gives it a nice fizz. Stir, then drink deep and be refreshed. Also drunk.

What it tastes like:

It's a lot like being slapped across the mouth by a crisp, clean, 80-proof waterfall that was recently the site of a horrific plane crash. The plane's cargo? Citrus. Lots of it. Also, the water's fizzy. Just fucking drink the Gin Rickey, okay? And you can thank me later.

If the hangover's not too bad, of course.


Blogger stew said...

urgggh it is SO FRUSTRATING to sit here in my double-wide under my Def Leppardblack velvet wall banner knowing that you and Leo DiCaprio are RIGHT NOW drinking your drinks of fancy gin and non-generic tonic, probably out of glasses made of diamonds. I bet you're talking insider movie star stuff, too, like um "we should go to a premiere!" and "which of Lindsay Lohan's tits do YOU like better?" And being all non-mortal and godlike and all.


Bring back the zombies. Zombies are real people.

10:25 AM  
Blogger Quin said...

i like gin rickeys.

i don't like gin.

glad it was free, though.

10:32 AM  
Anonymous playing ugly said...

Preachin' to the converted my man! You have to try that hendricks brand - it's gin but like if gin got all dressed up for a night on the town... very yum.

11:23 AM  
Blogger Big Daddy said...

Tom Collins rule!

Some liquor stores/bodegas carry pre-made Collins Mix to make it easier.

2:40 PM  
Blogger brookLyn gaL said...

How's the hangover today? I need to know in case I come across some free gin in the next few hours.

2:56 PM  

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