I'm Sorry, Hollywood, But We're Done Here
Hey Hollywood... this is America. Thanks for meeting us here on such short notice. We'll due you the courtesy of dispensing with the idle chit-chat... See, the thing is, we need to talk. About us; about the future of us.
I'm sure you've noticed already, but truly... things are not going well. They haven't been going well for a long while now.
Which is not to say that it hasn't been a great run. It has. You've put out some really excellent movies in the last 90 years or so and there's no denying that you've made an everlasting impression on us all. But what can we say; times change. Look, our favorite Beatles song used to be "In My Life;" now it's "Helter Skelter." You see what we mean? People change. They grow up, they move on... they eventually come to a point where they have to let some things go.
And that's where we are now, Hollywood. It's time for us, as a people, to let you go. You just don't have it anymore and, frankly, it's starting to become a bit of an embarrassment. Bollywood, of all people, is starting to make snide comments when it sees us together. And the cinema of the UK, though it's too polite to come right out and say so, clearly disapproves. But it's not just that... it's... well... it's this:
I'm sure you've noticed already, but truly... things are not going well. They haven't been going well for a long while now.
Which is not to say that it hasn't been a great run. It has. You've put out some really excellent movies in the last 90 years or so and there's no denying that you've made an everlasting impression on us all. But what can we say; times change. Look, our favorite Beatles song used to be "In My Life;" now it's "Helter Skelter." You see what we mean? People change. They grow up, they move on... they eventually come to a point where they have to let some things go.
And that's where we are now, Hollywood. It's time for us, as a people, to let you go. You just don't have it anymore and, frankly, it's starting to become a bit of an embarrassment. Bollywood, of all people, is starting to make snide comments when it sees us together. And the cinema of the UK, though it's too polite to come right out and say so, clearly disapproves. But it's not just that... it's... well... it's this:
I know, I know... I shouldn't judge you based solely on one movie but, c'mon. Who's Your Caddy? Really? That's how you choose to represent yourself? No, no... that just won't do. Best we cut our loses now, okay?
We'll come around later next week to pick up our things. And please, for your own sake, try to get some help. You're only hurting yourself.
posted by Clinton at 12:19 PM
13 Comments:
Is it an urban version of Caddyshack??? Was the Tony DeNunzio character not minority enough? You also had Porterhouse the clubhouse boy ("Colored boy? I'll show him colored boy!"), Wang as Rodney Dangerfield's assistant ("Dont tell 'em you're Jewish!")... the minority representation was plentiful and brilliantly played!
I just dont understand why all of a sudden we need Urban re-makes of 70's and 80's "white" comedies.
Maybe they can get an African American to play the character of Mark Watson that C. Thomas Howell played for the urban version of Soul Man.
That movie is a prime example of the "dumbing of America"...I weep for our future.
nonsense, who's your caddy is the next gone with the wind... just wait. also, buy a few million tickets, that will help.
How very, very sad. I broke up with Hollywood shortly after the release of the Dukes of Hazzard. We're back together now - on a probationary period, really - after the release of Mr. Brooks.
I bet the next Hollywood crap-fad will be Suburban remakes of Urban movies. I'd like to write the first screenplay and call it "Jungle-Gym Fever".
hey, Clinton, I know I should have told you this a while ago but dude, Hollywood's been a total slut the whole time you guys were together. She's been giving it free and dirty to anyone with a byline, dude. We were gonna say something, but it never seemed like the right time. I know you're doing the right thing. Bitch can go cry on Jennifer Aniston's orange shoulder. You da man.
should i recognize those names? hollywood and i stopped going out a long time ago.
Yea!
Well I don't NEED You.
Any of you.
I DON'T NEED ANYONE!!!
Scott... In a word, "Money."
Midwesterner... In a word, "Bronzer."
Exile... In a word, "Dittos."
Mr. Shain... In a word, "Nopers."
That Girl... In a word, "Really?"
Jeff... In a word, "Honky!"
Stewpid... In a word, "Heartbreak."
Hollywood... In a word, "Beeyotch."
Lioux... In a word, "Exclaimation."
but the thing is, that this movie will probably do really great numbers...
personally i think eight legged freaks was the Citizen Kane of our generation, but that's just me :)
-Jew
But for every "Who's Your Caddy" there's a "Transformers".
Keep hope alive my friend. Keep hope alive.
I have a movie idea that will blow the socks off everyone and redeem Hollywood like a shot of Viagra. Well at least people that wear socks, I don’t want to be blamed for blowing the feet off people because then they will think I am a terrorist. The only problem is I am not sure how to go about writing a screenplay. If anyone wants to make a ton of money with the movie of a century, or at minimum the month, which you can generate a lot of cash in a month from a movie call me.
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