UPDATE: A Trek Decision

UPDATE: Could I be more of an asshole?

"...but I kind of get the impression that he thinks he's a better writer than he actually is."

Seriously, who the fuck do I think I am? Not cool, C-dog. Not cool. Especially because it's not really all that true. I take it back, totally, because I was just being a cranky jerk who hadn't had his coffee yet. Wil Wheaton my be a bit whiny and overly-angsty about stuff, but he's a good writer. Period.

Anyway, that's been sticking in my craw all day. Carry on.

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For the last couple of days, I've been reading Wil Wheaton's autobiography/essay collection/blog compilation called Just A Geek. For reference purposes, here's a picture of the cover that features Wheaton looking all sexy-like:

It's been an okay read; Wheaton tells a pretty good story at the end of the day and he's certainly got a goofy charm about him. He is, in all honesty, also kind of whiny about stuff and, not that I'm one to talk or anything, but I kind of get the impression that he thinks he's a better writer than he actually is. Whatever, though. It's occupied my time on the subway well enough and really that's all I ask for. At any rate, during the course of the book, the subject of Star Trek has come up quite a bit. Wheaton, for those of you who got laid in the late-80's/early-90's, was a supporting character on The Next Generation; otherwise known as the show that came after the original, Shatner-helmed series but before all the other shows that, according to a quick internet search, suck, rock, are way better than the original, aren't fit to kiss the original series' big toe, need more boobies, need less boobies and so on and so on. It's a divided community, to say the least.

It's also a community that I've never been a part of. In my life I've seen, maybe, maybe an episode a piece from each series. Despite the fact that I'm as huge a nerdlinger as you're likely to find outside of a D&D tourney, the whole Star Trek phenomenon is a chunk of pop culture that completely passed me by. And, truthfully, I feel like I'm missing out.

Now, don't misunderstand me... I've seen Trekkies and I have no desire to completely flip out like those people. I can't imagine that I'd look good in a custom-made Starfleet uniform (I don't have the ass for skin-tight Rayon) and I certainly don't have the money for all the collecting memorabilia and assorted crap that goes on amongst the hardcore-iest of fans. Besides, there's no denying the fact that people who are die hard Star Trek fans are kind of creepy. Actually, that's not something that's strictly germane to the Trek experience; anyone who gets that into anything is definitely hopping back and forth across the "creepy" equator with alarming regularity. I mean, have you seen the people that are crazy-go-nuts into Xena? Seriously, woof.

Anyway, that being said, I've decided that I should make an attempt to watch Star Trek. See what all the fuss is about, if you will.

The problem with that is, well... I've really got a lot going on right now. I think that if one is really wanting to get the whole Trek-xperiance (feel free to use that word, Trekkies), you really have to sit down and watch at least one entire series and, no joke, I so don't have the time or the energy at this stage of the game.

So, with all of that being said, this is what I've decided: I've always told Girlfriend that, should she and I ever break up, I'd spend the rest of my days drinking myself to death like Nicolas Cage in Leaving Las Vegas; she appreciates the romance of the gesture and I appreciate the fact that I'd have an excuse to drink irresponsibly. However, I'm now going to amend that statement just a tad. From now on, should Girlfriend and I break up, I'm going to get really into Star Trek. I'll probably also do a fair amount of drinking (a given, really) but my main focus will be a total immersion into the world of the various Enterprise crews. It makes a lot of sense, because when else is a more perfect time to delve into a brand new subculture than after a devastating break up? And doing so while plastered only adds to the fun.

And there you go. Decision made.

Star Trek, I may one day show up on your doorstep, heartbroken and in need of solace (also, I will be quite drunk). Hopefully that day will never come, but if it does, please be prepared to beam me up with open arms.

And may the force be with you. Or... wait... Nanoo, nanoo? Was that you guys?